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Abraca-fuck you!

—Taako, to Magic Brian

Taako is a player character in the Balance campaign played by Justin McElroy. He is a High Elf wizard with a Chaotic Good alignment. Taako often provides comic relief, yet proves to be serious in times of great danger.

He is originally from New Elfington. Prior to meeting Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides, he hosted a traveling cooking show, Sizzle It Up! with Taako, but fled after forty people died in the show's final episode.

Personalityedit | hide all | hide | edit source

Taako is a disaffected and aloof trickster. He is a bit of a kleptomaniac and often loots corpses. He is willing to steal from a corpse, but not from a bank. He rarely shows an emotional state beyond frustration.

Although he is a smooth talker, Taako has little actual charm. He tends to do things because they are funny, regardless of how this may affect strangers. He is often cruel and callous towards those he does not care for, and occasionally towards friends and allies as well. However, Taako has also shown the capacity for empathy and kindness towards those he appears to respect. For example, he gives Ren a certificate at the end of The Eleventh Hour.[1]

Intelligenceedit | hide | edit source

Towards the beginning of the series, Taako was played off as stupid,[2] as Justin believed this would be "funnier." However, it becomes clear throughout the series that Taako is actually extremely competent. It can be assumed that Taako pretends to be a "simple idiot wizard" in order to keep people off-guard.

I am but a simple idiot Wizard.


It was Taako who figured out how to outwit Hodge Podge during the Crystal Kingdom arc. Likewise, during the final Lunar Interlude, Taako was the first to figure out that they were trapped in a mind prison.[3]

Issues of Abandonmentedit | hide | edit source

It can be assumed that Taako's traumatic past has given him some issues of abandonment. During a date with Kravitz, Taako is asked why he would do something so dangerous for his job. Taako replies that he is "worried no one else will have [him]."[4]

Gender and Sexualityedit | hide | edit source

Taako is a "gay dude." This is "100% canonical," according to Justin.[5]

He may or may not be a man, but uses he/him pronouns. He has stated that he's "not a man" under Merle's Zone of Truth.[6] It's unclear if Justin objected to Taako being called a man as that implied he was human or if Taako does not identify as a man, though it is likely he was referencing not being a human as he's mentioned before that man and woman refer to humans ("like isn't a woman and a man like those are humans, right?").[7] Soon after this, he comments that he's not a person either, which would seem to indicate that he meant the former. In other instances, Justin has referred to Taako as a "male fellow." [2]

Historyedit | hide | edit source

Not much is known about Taako's life. This is mostly due to Fisher's interference with the memories of the Tres Horny Boys.

It is known Taako is over sixty-five years old.[8] It can be assumed that Taako is over one hundred years old, since elves are not considered adults until that age.[9][10] There is a possibility that Taako went by another name before he reached adulthood. Upon reaching adulthood, elves choose their own names.[10]

Early Lifeedit | hide | edit source

Taako is known to have lived with his grandfather on a farm before a war. He learned to cook from his Aunt Chilada.[11] Taako and his twin sister Lup were passed around between family members, never sticking with any for long.[12] They learned to trust only each other.

Taako and his sister had been on the road since the age of twelve.[11] They made their livings with troupes of performers and mercenaries, trying to find a place where they belonged. Taako served as a chef with these traveling crews in order to pay his way. During this time, Taako internalized an avoidance to physical conflict. He also picked up enough magical techniques from wizards in the party to be dangerous.

Taako and Lup graduated top of their class at the magic academy they attended.

Not much else is known about Taako's early life before The Stolen Century and he does not appear to be keen to share.

The Stolen Centuryedit | hide | edit source

Taako joined the Institute of Planar Research with his twin sister Lup after reaching adulthood, presumably after the age of one hundred,[9] to become part of his world's first group of explorers.[12] They acted as both chefs and arcanists during the expedition, being sources of magical information.

Before leaving their home world, the crew goes to a biker bar to party and fight. Taako and Lup spend their time hustling people at pool. They take the losers' magical shoes since cash is worthless to them at this point.

On the day of the launch, Taako chose to wear both a red robe and a red jacket. As the storm starts to consume their world, the crew catches sight of The Hunger. They decide to evade and not return until after the danger has passed. When they touch back down, they realize they're not in the same plane they left.

Cycle Oneedit | hide | edit source

Being good at languages, the twins spend their first year talking to the animals and learning history in The Animal Kingdom. The first animals they are able to speak to is a family of mongooses. It is possible this led to Taako's identification with the animals.[13] The animal language is only learned by Taako, Lup, and Barry Bluejeans. The crew goes with Magnus Burnsides to try to gain access to The Light of Creation. After causing a scene, Magnus and the rest of the crew enter the animal's High Court. While translating for the crew, Taako tells the animals that they are called "Taakos."

Taako and Lup were the first to flee when The Hunger caught up to them in The Animal Kingdom. While Lup took time to take potshots at The Hunger, Taako bolted without heeding the status of the others.

Sizzle It Up with Taakoedit | hide | edit source

Six years before the Eleventh Hour, Taako was a TV cook on the show 'Sizzle It Up with Taako.'[11] As television does not exist in The Adventure Zone's Balance arc universe, this was a road show that traveled from town to town.

When he noticed that audiences were flagging, he began learning magic in order to spice up his performances. He (re)taught himself magic from books he picked up and from wizards he traveled around with. He toured with Sazed, who acted as his driver, roadie, stage manager, and right hand man. Sazed thought Taako "hung the moon" and learned how to cook during their travels together. As the show grew in popularity, Sazed asked to do more and more with the show, even asking to co-host the show and change the name to Sizzle It Up with Taako and Sazed. Taako said no and attempted to soften the blow by claiming it was due to merchandising issues and out of a desire to maintain his brand.

The show ended in Glamour Springs, which forty of its townsfolk attended. He prepared his famous "Thirty Garlic Clove Chicken" for his audience that day. Unbeknownst to Taako, the chicken he had prepared had been poisoned by Sazed with arsenic. When the first person began to die, Taako and Sazed ran. He assumed that the garnish of elderberries he had used on the chicken had been unwittingly transmuted into deadly nightshade. The two of them drove for two days together, but Sazed abandoned him as soon as he had the opportunity.

The Balance Arc Campaignedit | hide | edit source

Taako entered The Balance Arc campaign not long after the failure of his TV show, Sizzle It Up! with Taako.

Imbalanceedit | hide | edit source

Ten years after the Day of Story and Song, Taako entered a year-long bet with Kravitz that he could be successful without using magic. The winner gets a backrub.

The Taco Questedit | hide | edit source

Taako is on a noble quest to find a perfect alternative to a sandwich in all of its savory goodness. In Episode 68, his quest is completed as Joaquin Terrero, a young man in the Plane of Thought, guides him in making his first taco. Before this, Taako had also discovered several components of taco on his own.


Type Context
Cheese ingredient Knows the term "cheese", but does not know what it means.[14]
Grinding concept Taako is aware that grinding things may make them more easily seasoned, but doesn't know what should be ground.[14]
Sour Cream ingredient Was once warned of souring cream while working on his grandfather's farm.[8]
Spicy Meat ingredient The phrase "that's a spicy meatball" made Taako realize spicy meat is a good combination.[8]
Diced Tomatoes ingredient The Pocket Spa provided Taako with a tuna sandwich topped with diced tomatoes.[15]
Meat in a Shell concept [16]
The Fateful Meal concept The inspiration for the taco picked up by Taako in an underground restaurant. Gives him the idea for the flavor profile and structure.

Relationshipsedit | hide | edit source

Magnus Burnsidesedit | hide | edit source

Brother from another mother. Taako is homies enough with Magnus that Magnus steals his clothes during the Halloween Live Show for a Halloween costume.

Merle Highchurchedit | hide | edit source

Taako and Merle are the two magic users of Tres Horny Boys. Along with Magnus, they are best friends and adventuring partners.

Angus McDonaldedit | hide | edit source

Angus McDonald meets the boys on the Rockport Limited. During that time, they play tricks on him, but are endeared to his can-do detective attitude. Taako, in particular, takes a liking to the boy. He begins teaching Angus magic.

Taako reveals his backstory to Angus as a cautionary tale about transmutation. It's noted as a particularly vulnerable moment for the normally aloof elf. He shows considerable pride in Angus' developing magical abilities.

During the events of the "Reunion Tour" interludes, Taako states that Angus is the only person he truly trusts and considers him "precious,"[17] and in the Live Boston Stunt Spectacular, calls Angus "[his] boy."

Kravitzedit | hide | edit source

Kravitz is currently considered Taako's boyfriend.[18] Clint McElroy provided the shipping name "Taakitz."[19]

Kravitz began hunting the boys in the Crystal Kingdom arc. However, when he appeared in his "handsome" material form, Taako began flirting with him (and got him into some sweet, sweet tent-porn). He is deemed "Bone Daddy."

Emergence as a Love Interestedit | hide | edit source

After the Eleventh Hour, Kravitz confronted Taako about the numerous deaths that occurred in Refuge.[1] Unable to complete their conversation due to a call from the Raven Queen, Kravitz gave Taako his far-speech frequency so they could complete the conversation about what should happen.

Taako takes Kravitz on a date to the Chug n' Squeeze to attend a couple's pottery class together.[4] While Kravitz is late for the meeting, he's flustered by the seemingly romantic location. Taako states that he thought the public setting would be "less weird" and that he was afraid to put himself into private with someone so dangerous. Kravitz reassures Taako that he's not interested in hurting him.

At the end of the night, Kravitz asks if the date was for "business or pleasure," and Taako answers, "a little of both." When Kravitz transforms into his skeleton form while detecting an evil presence, Taako says, "love this."

Love Interest Canonical Contextedit | hide | edit source

During the finale, the romantic relationship between Kravitz and Taako is confirmed, first by Lup, then through a thrilling scene of reunion.

Prior to the finale, Justin and Griffin had stated that the relationship is probably canonical.[2] Justin noted he does not wish to detail any dates between the two, as he believes it's important that the fandom should be left to have the discretion. However, he has said "it seemed like they had a fun time, I guess, they seemed to really enjoy each other's company."[2] Justin has also said that roleplaying future dates would be strange due to the fact that Griffin, who plays Kravitz, is his brother. "It is... weird to go on fantasy dates with my brother."[2] Justin also makes it clear that the discomfort is in no way related to Taako’s sexuality.

It is canon that they share a home with pet cats, who Susan cares for much to Taako's dismay. Taako hates Susan. Kravitz knows that. Kravitz claims that he doesn't need to like her for her to feed the cats.

Lupedit | hide | edit source

Lup is Taako's twin sister who was, for much of the Balance Arc, caught inside the Umbra Staff.

The two spent their childhood together, trusting only each other. Upon reaching adulthood, they both joined up with the IPRE and remained close throughout the entirety of the Stolen Century. Eventually, through circumstances neither could control, Lup went missing and all memory of her was lost to the Voidfish.

During the finale, they are reunited. (He's not losing her again.)

Powers and Abilitiesedit | hide | edit source

Taako is a high elf wizard specializing in transmutation. He has advantage on saving throws against being charmed, immunity to sleep spells, and can perform minor alchemy. He is also right-handed.

Racial Abilitiesedit | hide | edit source

It can be assumed that Taako has racial abilities most resembling elves from The Forgotten Realms.[9] This includes dark vision and only needing four hours of trance-like rest to restore health.

Spellsedit | hide | edit source

The following are the spells known by Taako. (Note: Most low-level spells can be cast at an additionally higher level for a stronger effect.)

Cantripsedit | hide | edit source

Cantrips are spells which can be cast at any time. Taako knows five of these:

Name Synopsis School Number of Times Used Episodes Used
Mage Hand A spectral, floating hand appears at a point you choose within range. You can use the hand to manipulate an object, open an unlocked door or container, stow or retrieve an item from an open container, or pour the contents out of a vial. Conjuration
Minor Illusion You create a sound or an image of an object within range that lasts for the duration. Illusion
Prestidigitation You create a shower of sparks, clean or soil a small object, print a symbol or color, etc. Transmutation
Ray of Frost A frigid beam of blue-white light streaks toward a creature within range. Evocation

1st - 8th Leveledit | hide | edit source

Taako has # of 1st spell slots.

Name Synopsis Level School Number of Times Used Episodes Used
Shield An invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects you. 1st-level Abjuration
Sleep This spell sends creatures into a magical slumber. 1st-level Enchantment [attempted twice in early episodes]
Darkvision You touch a willing creature to grant it the ability to see in the dark. 2nd-level Transmutation
Charm Person You attempt to charm a humanoid you can see within range. 1st-level Enchantment [first cast in Gerblins]
Thunderwave A wave of thunderous force sweeps out from you. 1st-level Evocation
Levitate One creature or object of your choice that you can see within range rises vertically, up to 20 feet, and remains suspended there for the duration. 2nd-level Transmutation [cast twice in Rockport Limited]
Detect Magic For the duration, you sense the presence of magic within 30 feet of you. 1st-level Divination [used quite often]
Magic Missile You create three glowing darts of magical force. Each dart hits a creature of your choice that you can see within range. 1st-level Evocation [first used in Gerblins]
Melf's Acid Arrow A shimmering green arrow streaks toward a target within range and burst in a spray of acid. 2nd-level Evocation [first used in Rockport Limited]
Blink On a roll of 11 or higher, you vanish from your current plane of existence and appear in the Ethereal Plane. 3rd-level Transmutation [used several times, first in Petals to the Metal, later proved to be plot relevant]
Rope Trick You touch a length of rope that is up to 60 feet long. One end of the rope then rises into the air until the whole rope hangs perpendicular to the ground. At the upper end of the rope, an invisible entrance opens to an extradimensional space that lasts until the spell ends. 2nd-level Transmutation [Petals to the Metal]
Scorching Ray You create three rays of fire and hurl them at targets within range. 2nd-level Evocation [in several adventures]
Disguise Self You make yourself—including your clothing, armor, weapons, and other belongings on your person—look different until the spell ends or until you use your action to dismiss it. 1st-level Illusion [Rockport Limited, Petals to the Metal,

The Suffering Game]

Clairvoyance You create an invisible sensor within range in a location familiar to you (a place you have visited or seen before) or in an obvious location that is unfamiliar to you (such as behind a door, around a corner, or in a grove of trees). 3rd-level Divination [Petals to the Metal]
Crown of Madness One humanoid of your choice that you can see within range must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or become charmed by you for the duration. While the target is charmed in this way, a twisted crown of jagged iron appears on its head, and a madness glows in its eyes. 2nd-level Enchantment [Petals to the Metal, Attempted in a live special]
Enlarge/Reduce You cause a creature or an object you can see within range to grow larger or smaller for the duration. 2nd-level Transmutation [in Petals to the Metal, The Eleventh Hour, The Suffering Game, Reunion Tour, The Stolen Century]
Phantom Steed A Large quasi-real, horse-like creature appears on the ground in an unoccupied space of your choice within range. His name is Garyl 3rd-level Illusion 3 25, 36, 43, 46
Fireball A bright streak flashes from your pointing finger to a point you choose within range and then blossoms with a low roar into an explosion of flame. 3rd-level Evocation
Shatter A sudden loud ringing noise, painfully intense, erupts from a point of your choice within range. 2nd-level Evocation
Phantasmal Killer You tap into the nightmares of a creature you can see within range and create an illusory manifestation of its deepest fears, visible only to that creature. 4th-level Illusion [questionable use on a tardigrade in Crystal Kingdom]
Evard's Black Tentacles Squirming, ebony tentacles fill a 20-foot square on ground that you can see within range. For the duration, these tentacles turn the ground in the area into difficult terrain. 4th-level Conjuration 2 Ep. 36

Ep. 49

Gust of Wind A line of strong wind 60 feet long and 10 feet wide blasts from you in a direction you choose for the spell’s duration. 2nd-level Evocation
Stoneskin This spell turns the flesh of a willing creature you touch as hard as stone. 4th-level Abjuration [The Eleventh Hour, Attempted in The Suffering Game?]
Knock A target that is held shut by a mundane lock or that is stuck or barred becomes unlocked, unstuck, or unbarred. If the object has multiple locks, only one of them is unlocked. 2nd-level Transmutation [Eleventh Hour, live special]
Cone of Cold A blast of cold air erupts from your hands. A creature killed by this spell becomes a frozen statue until it thaws 5th-level Evocation
Wall of Force An invisible wall of force springs into existence at a point you choose within range. 5th-level Evocation
Wall of Stone A non-magical wall of solid stone springs into existence at a point you choose within range. 5th-level Evocation
Otiluke's Resilient Sphere A sphere of shimmering force encloses a creature or object of Large size or smaller within range. 4th-level Evocation
Planar Binding With this spell, you attempt to bind a celestial, an elemental, a fey, or a fiend to your service. 5th-level Abjuration [Eleventh Hour, unsuccessful]
Ice Storm A hail of rock-hard ice pounds to the ground in a 20-foot-radius, 40-foot-high cylinder centered on a point within range. 4th-level Evocation
Leomund's Secret Chest You hide a chest, and all its contents, on the Ethereal Plane. 4th-level Conjuration
Arcane Eye You create an invisible, magical eye within range that hovers in the air for the duration. 4th-level Divination
Cloudkill You create a 20-foot-radius sphere of poisonous, yellowgreen fog centered on a point you choose within range. 5th-level Conjuration
Mislead You become invisible at the same time that an illusory double of you appears where you are standing. 5th-level Illusion
Bigby's Hand You create a hand of shimmering, translucent force in an unoccupied space that you can see within range. 5th-level Evocation [Eleventh Hour plus at least one subsequent use]
Disintegrate A thin green ray springs from your pointing finger to a target that you can see within range. 6th-level Transmutation [The Suffering Game]
Banishment You attempt to send one creature that you can see within range to another plane of existence. 4th-level Abjuration [Attempted on Ren in the Eleventh Hour, Unsuccessful, unless he meant to lose her trust.]
Polymorph This spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form. 4th-level Transmutation [Suffering Game, T-Rex]
Fire Shield Thin and wispy flames wreathe your body for the duration, shedding bright light in a 10-foot radius and dim light for an additional 10 feet. 4th-level Evocation
Fabricate You convert raw materials into products of the same material. For example, you can fabricate a wooden bridge from a clump of trees, a rope from a patch of hemp, and clothes from flax or wool. 4th-level Transmutation
Dominate Person You attempt to beguile a humanoid that you can see within range. 5th-level Enchantment
Animate Objects Objects come to life at your command. 5th-level Transmutation [Suffering Game]
Greater Invisibility You or a creature you touch becomes invisible until the spell ends. 4th-level Illusion
Flesh to Stone You attempt to turn one creature that you can see within range into stone. 6th-level Transmutation [aftermath of Crystal Kingdom]
Tasha's Hideous Laughter A creature of your choice that you can see within range perceives everything as hilariously funny and falls into fits of laughter if this spell affects it. 1st-level Enchantment [Suffering Game]
True Seeing This spell gives the willing creature you touch the ability to see things as they actually are. 6th-level Divination [Suffering Game, on Magnus]
Hunger of Hadar You open a gateway to the dark between the stars, a region infested with unknown horrors. A 20-foot-radius sphere of blackness and bitter cold appears, centered on a point with range and lasting for the duration. 3rd-level Conjuration [Suffering Game]
Magic Jar Your body falls into a catatonic state as your soul leaves it and enters the container you used for the spell’s material component. While your soul inhabits the container, you are aware of your surroundings as if you were in the container’s space. 6th-level Necromancy [Suffering Game]
Drawmij's Instant Summons You touch an object weighing 10 pounds or less whose longest dimension is 6 feet or less. The spell leaves an invisible mark on its surface and invisibly inscribes the name of the item on the sapphire you use as the material component. At any time thereafter, you can use your action to speak the item’s name and crush the sapphire. The item instantly appears in your hand regardless of physical or planar distances, and the spell ends. 6th-level Conjuration [Final Lunar Interlude]
Detect Thoughts For the duration, you can read the thoughts of certain creatures. 2nd-level Divination [Final(?) Lunar Interlude]
Water Breathing This spell grants up to ten willing creatures you can see within range the ability to breathe underwater until the spell ends. Affected creatures also retain their normal mode of respiration. 3rd-level Transmutation 1 Ep. 61
Flames wreathe one creature you can see within range. 5th-level Evocation 1 Ep. 67
Wall of Fire You create a wall of fire on a solid surface within range. You can make the wall up to 60 feet long, 20 feet high, and 1 foot thick, or a ringed wall up to 20 feet in diameter, 20 feet high, and 1 foot thick. The wall is opaque and lasts for the duration. 4th-level Evocation 1 Ep. 67
Storm Sphere A 20-foot-radius sphere of whirling air springs into existence centered on a point you choose within range. 4th-level Evocation 1 Ep.69
Sunburst Brilliant sunlight flashes in a 60-foot radius centered on a point you choose within range. 8th-level Evocation 1 Ep.69
Sunbeam A beam of brilliant light flashes out from your hand in a 5-foot-wide, 60-foot-long line. 6th-level Evocation 1 Ep.69
Whirlwind A whirlwind howls down to a point on the ground you specify. 7th-level Evocation 1 Ep.69
Blur Your body becomes blurred, shifting and wavering to all who can see you. 2nd-level Illusion 1 Live in Austin!
Alter Self You assume a different form. 2nd-level Transmutation 1 Live in Austin!
Reverse Gravity This spell reverses gravity in a 50-foot-radius, 100-foot high cylinder centred on a point within range. All creatures and objects that aren't somehow anchored to the ground in the area fall upward and reach the top of the area when you cast this spell. 7th-level Transmutation 1 Live in San Diego!
Maze You banish a creature that you can see within range into a labyrinthine demiplane. The target remains there for the duration or until it escapes the maze. 8th-level Conjuration 1 Live in San Diego!
Programmed Illusion You create an illusion of an object, a creature, or some other visible phenomenon within range that activates when a specific condition occurs. 6th-level Illusion 1 Live in Nashville!
Wall of Ice You create a wall of ice on a solid surface within range. 6th-level Evocation 1 Live in Nashville!
Continual Flame A flame with a torch's brightness forms on an object you touch. It looks like a normal flame, but it emits no heat and doesn't use oxygen. The flame can be covered or hidden, but not put out. 2nd-level Evocation 1 Candlenights in Tacoma!
Investiture of Flame Flames race across your body, shedding bright light in a 30-foot radius and dim light for an additional 30 feet for the spell’s duration. The flames don’t harm you 6th-level Transmutation 1 Candlenights in Tacoma!
Ice Knife Make a ranged spell attack against the target. On a hit, the target takes 1d10 piercing damage. Hit or miss, the shard then explodes. 1st-level Conjuration 1 Candlenights in Tacoma!
Delayed Blast Fireball A beam of yellow light flashes from your pointing finger, then condenses to linger at a chosen point within range as a glowing bead for the duration. When the spell ends, either because your concentration is broken or because you decide to end it, the bead blossoms with a low roar into an explosion of flame that spreads around corners. 7th-level Evocation 1 Candlenights in Tacoma!

Itemsedit | hide | edit source

Items both currently owned and lost by Taako throughout the show.[20]

Current Itemsedit | hide | edit source

These are items currently within Taako's possession as of the most recent episode. (Most are probably stolen.)

Item Episode Acquired Item Type Notes
Short Sword 1 Weapon
Pickaxe Weapon
Adventurer's Kit 1 Standard For sale. Adventurer's kit. Never used.
Seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves 1 Document Record of Taako's life so far
Uncle John's Elven Bathroom Reader 1 Document Spell book
Bracer of Balance (and Bracer Brush) 9 Magical Artifact On Taako's left arm
Ring of Frost 9 Magical Artifact; Jewelry From Fantasy Gatchapon machine; makes beverages frosty and refreshing; defends against frost damage
Unlimited Pasta Pass 9 Food/Drink Purchased for 100GP from Fantasy Costco; only applies to Olive Garden
Wand of Switcheroo 9 Magical Artifact Purchased for 300GP from Fantasy Costco; switches users' place with another person or item of similar mass
Port Wand 16 Magical Artifact Originally belonging to Jenkins. Was eaten by Umbra Staff.
Briefcase 16 Trinket Found in Cryptsafe
Pocket Spa 17 Enchanted/Haunted Item Purchased from Fantasy Costco. Pocket dimension perfect for rest and relaxation. Get away from it all!
Maarvey's Stun Baton 23 Weapon Don't use it on zoo animals
Mongoose Mask 23 Armor/Clothing Given to Taako by Hurley
Small bottle of Silverpoint poison 27 Food and Drink Taken from Capt. Captain Bane after death
Cloak of the Manta Ray 28 Armor/Clothing; Enchanted/Haunted Item A slick, black leather cloak that grants the wearer a +1 to AC. When the wearer in submerged in water, it grants the wearer +2 AC instead, grants water breathing, and allows 60ft of underwater movement speed.
Immovable Rod 28 Tool Stays in one place
Music Box 29 Trinket Johann's mixtape
Whetstone 29 Tool Gift from Killian; shaped like a duck
Airplane bottles of booze 29 Food/Drink Gift from Avi
"Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop" Book 29 Document Gift from Angus
Potty Chair 29 Trinket Gift from Magnus
Iron-on badge copy 29 Armor/Clothing Dark blue circles, iron on; twelve circles around the outside; unreadable language in the center; comes with note that reads "For Your Eyes Only"
Maureen's Core 39 Trinket Contains Maureen's prophecy
Hole Thrower 40 Tool Throws a hole with 1 d10 diameter into any non-living object once per day
Mockingbird Gum 40 Food/Drink; Enchanted/Haunted Item Allows player to mimic voice for an hour or so
Arcane Trickster's Glove 40 Enchanted/Haunted Item; Clothing Turns Mage Hand invisible
Low Sodium Salt Shaker 40 Food and Drink Sprinkle on food, if it turns pink, the food is poisoned
Bag of Necessity 47 Magical Artifact Gift of Istus; contains his stagecoach
Band of Projected Thought 50 Jewelry Communicate telepathically with any creature inside of 3T0 ft
Rickle Axager's Guide to Adventuring 3rd Ed. 50 Document Once per day, read section on skill check and have advantage on it for next 24 hours
The KrEbStAr 66 Weapon A casting glaive created by Taako himself; Imbued with Mulligan's Blessing, which means if a spell attack misses, no spell slots will be spent.

Former Itemsedit | hide | edit source

These are items which were lost or given away.

Item Episode acquired Episode Lost Item Type Notes
Healing Potion 1 3 Magical Artifact Used to heal Barry Bluejeans
Wand 1 8 (55) Magical Artifact; Weapon Broken in fight w/ Ogres [21]. It was repaired sometime between episodes. Given to Cam [22].
MB's fire-shooting droid arm 6 37 Gift Given to Taako after defeating Magic Brian; later given to NO-3113
Ring of Pointing 9 50 Jewelry 200GP from Fantasy Costco; casts a small red dot on an object ring is pointed at (laser pointer); sold back to Fantasy Costco
Stone of Far Speech 9 57 Tool; Weapon Gifted from Magnus to Taako; Fantasy walkie-talkie. Destroyed by Barry Bluejeans.
Silverware set 16 17 / 29 Trinket Found in cryptsafe; sold, bartered or gifted away over time; gave three forks to Angus, sold some to Fantasy Costco
Golden Tiara 16 17 Trinket Found on in cryptsafe, Sold to Fantasy Costco
Gustmaster 5000 17 28 / 49 Magical Artifact Fan; produces gust of wind; given to Ren in "Eleventh Hour" arc (or sold back to Garfield in ep. 28)
Hammerhead Uniform (and Booth Key) 22 22 Armor/Clothing Disguises stolen from sleeping Hammerhead gang members
Safety Harness 23 23 Armor/Clothing Thrown off of battle wagon while Taako was in the thrall of a "dominate mind" sphere
Anti-Gravity Sphere 28 28 Magical Artifact; Weapon An anti-gravity grenade; thrown at the Jenkins/MB bot
Macarons/ Macaroons 29 29 Gift Macaroooooon?
The Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles 50 50 Trinket purchased from Fantasy Costco, then immediately traded back for something of higher value.
Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword Of Doom 50 59 Magical Artifact; Weapon Traded by Taako for the Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles; bound to Sapphire and left in Fantasy Costco Back Room for Magnus. Fashion, Baby!
Umbra Staff 5 67 Weapon Created by the Umbra Wizards and found in the cave; consumes the powers of the wizards you have defeated in combat (including Jenkins's wand); Destroyed to release Lup.
Plastic Sheriff's Badge 28 68 Trinket; Enchanted/Haunted Item Gives user a false authority on bluff rolls; Given to Angus who gave it to Merle.

Stolen Itemsedit | hide | edit source

Taako has a propensity for stealing items. These are the items he has stolen so far.

  • Gold and Silver pieces (taken from a dead gerblin; he ended up splitting them with the rest of the party)
  • Sack full of Golden Teeth (stolen from Yeemick's corpse, another gerblin)
  • Magic Boots of Striding and Springing (stolen from Tharden's corpse, later given to Magnus)
  • 320 Gold (stolen from a lock box)
  • Enchanted feather duster (stolen from Killian)
  • Bag of coins (stolen from Davenport)
  • Golden tiara (stolen from empty train car, later sold to Fantasy Costco)
  • Silver serving set (originally belonging to Angus, stolen from empty train car, gave 3 forks back to Angus, sold the rest to Fantasy Costco)
  • Briefcase (stolen from empty train car)
  • Stun baton (stolen from an unconscious and stunned Maarvey)
  • Kravitz's heart

Known Physical Traitsedit | hide | edit source

Disclaimer: The McElroys do not consider their versions of their characters any more "canon" than anyone else's - there is no obligation to stick to these in fanart, so please do not be rude to people for ignoring these traits.[23]

Trait Episode Mentioned / Introduced
Long Hair Episode 1, TAZ Live Halloween Special (hair long enough to put into a ponytail)
Flaxen Hair Episode 1 (Implied when the trait is mentioned as being in Taako's book Seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves at the time that it is also implied he has long hair) Exact words were "Flaxen Do'"
Slight Build Episode 17
About as tall as Magnus Episode 17
Ethereally, femininely beautiful Episode 55
No facial hair Griffin mentions that elves don't grow facial hair in Episode 11 and Episode 51
Pointed hat (Two feet high) MaxFunCon East Live Show

Official Outfitsedit | hide | edit source

Usually, Taako is dressed as a typical elf wizard in fresh as hell threads.

Outfit Name Description Arc Used
The Mongoose Taako takes on the racing persona of the Mongoose, complete with mask.[13] Petals to the Metal
Safety First Everyone, even Steven, Magnus's fish, gets a null suit to counteract the crystallization of Lucas's lab. Crystal Kingdom
Skirt time Taako visits Fantasy Costco and gets a skirt.[24] Length: flirty. Color: mauve (salmon suggested by Garfield the Deals Warlock). The Eleventh Hour
Tuff Greg Taako takes on the wrestling persona of Tuff Greg.[25] He's dressed exactly like a member of the crew of Chaos Stadium. The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular
IPRE uniforms Taako chooses both the jacket and the robe.[12] The Institute of Planar Research and Exploration uniforms are "crisp and bright red" with the the institute logo on the left breast pocket. The Stolen Century
Santa's Little Helper Taako is given the role and appearance of one of Santa's elves after the boys accidentally murder the original Santa Claus. Candlenights in Tacoma


Deaths and Major Injuriesedit | hide | edit source

Taako has died and been knocked unconscious a number of times throughout the show.

Unconscious Countedit | hide | edit source

Taako has been knocked unconscious five times.

  1. Knocked unconscious by Magic Brian during a wizard duel in Wave Echo Cave.
  2. Knocked unconscious by Sloane in the Goldcliff bank.
  3. Knocked unconscious by Kravitz's crystal bomb in Lucas' Lab.
  4. Knocked unconscious by Lydia in Wonderland.
  5. Knocked unconscious by Final John in Episode 69, before being revived by Pan.

Death Countedit | hide | edit source

Taako has died a total of nineteen times.

  1. While he was traveling through other planes as a Red Robe, Taako died eight times without crossing over to the Astral Plane.
    1. Killed by the Justices in the 65th cycle.
  2. Taako died a total of eleven times during the events of The Eleventh Hour.

Quotesedit | hide | edit source

  • "Hail and well met, my dudes."
  • "Abra-ca fuck you!"
  • "I'm Mike Myers as Lorne Michaels having a stroke!"
  • "Between the fan and the fancy umbrella, I'm one 17 inch waist away from Scarlett O'Hara."
  • "Taako's good out here!"
  • "How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something, but to be someone."
  • "Be who you are and say how you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
  • "Don't look for society to give you permission to be yourself."
  • "Where's your will to be weird?"
  • "Some people say you're going the wrong way when its simply a way of your own."
  • "Nothing makes one feel so strong as a call for help."
  • "The highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

Triviaedit | hide | edit source

  • Due to a magical accident with his first spell, everything he drinks tastes like key lime Go-Gurt.[8]
  • Taako has seen Magnus's ass sometime between the Craig's List Ad and the Here There Be Gerblins arc.[14]
  • While living in the dorms, Taako took the top bunk (above Magnus). He wears footie pajamas and sleeps in a sleeping sack due to his night terrors.[26]
  • Prior to their adventure in Goldcliff, Taako had never been in a garage before.[27]
  • The animal that most characterizes his state of being is a mongoose.[13]
  • Taako's favorite candy is Ferrero Rocher.[28]
  • Taako avoids cooking for people he cares about because he is afraid of poisoning them, a fear coming from the poisoning that happened when his TV show, Sizzle It Up! with Taako, was still live.[29]
  • Taako enjoys fishing.[4]
  • Despite referring to the sweets he made for everyone during Candlenights as "macaroons," Taako's description of the ingredients used suggests he actually made macarons, which are almond-based unlike macaroons (coconut-based.) It is unclear if Taako is calling macarons "macaroons" (a common error) or if Justin does not know the pronunciation difference.[29]
  • All of Taako's spells are exquisite.[30]
  • Although the fandom has largely accepted Taako’s last name as “Taaco,” this was never actually canonized, and is just a joke Travis once made. Taako doesn't have a canonical last name.
    • This may, however, be interpreted to be canonical, as the characters later say in episode one of Rockport.
      Davenport: "Would the Reclaimers Highchurch, Burnsides, and Taaco report to the briefing room? Mm Davenport!"
      Travis: "I forgot that Taako’s last name was also Taaco." [laughs] [31]
  • Taako may be a vegetarian. He tells Magic Brian he is one, though it's unclear if he was messing with him (since he also alludes to eating meat in other instances) or if Justin just forgot.[32]
  • Despite being supposedly allergic to peanuts, he eats Reeses' Peanut Butter Cups.
  • Taako invented surfing after getting the idea from seeing a gift Merle made for Magnus get thrown into the ocean, and watching it ride the waves.
  • The taco that Joaquin teaches Taako to make is a picadillo taco.
  • Taako was the one to figure out how to defeat The Hunger and save everyone.

References and Footnotesedit | hide | edit source

  1. 1.0 1.1 Balance – Episode 49: The Eleventh Hour: Chapter Nine
  2. 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 2.4 Balance – Episode: The The Adventure Zone Zone: MaxFunDrive 2017
  3. Balance – Episode 59: Lunar Interlude V: Reunion Tour (Part Two)
  4. 4.0 4.1 4.2 Balance – Episode 50: Lunar Interlude IV: The Calm Before the Storm
  5. The The Adventure Zone Zone
  6. Petals to the Metal Ep. 21
  7. Balance – Episode 21: Petals to the Metal: Chapter Four
  8. 8.0 8.1 8.2 8.3 Balance – Episode 7: Moonlighting: Chapter One
  9. 9.0 9.1 9.2 Forgotten Realms Details on Elves
  10. 10.0 10.1 Roll20's Elf Page on Age
  11. 11.0 11.1 11.2 Balance – Episode 48: The Eleventh Hour: Chapter Eight
  12. 12.0 12.1 12.2 Ep. 64. The Stolen Century - Chapter Five
  13. 13.0 13.1 13.2 Balance – Episode 23: Petals to the Metal: Chapter Six
  14. 14.0 14.1 14.2 Balance – Episode 4: Here There Be Gerblins: Chapter Four
  15. Balance – Episode 31: The Crystal Kingdom: Chapter Three
  16. MaxFunDrive Live at LA
  17. Balance – Episode 59: Lunar Interlude V: Reunion Tour (Part Two)
  18. Episode 69: Taako tells Ren "I should mention my boyfriend is Death"
  19. Ep. 38
  20. JimmyMarks
  21. Balance – Episode 8: Moonlighting: Chapter Two
  22. Balance – Episode 55: The Suffering Game: Chapter Five
  23. 23.0 23.1 Justin McElroy's Tweet on Taako's Canon Appearance
  24. Balance – Episode 41: The Eleventh Hour: Chapter One
  25. Balance – Live Episode: The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular
  26. Ep. 10: Murder on the Rockport Limited - Chapter One
  27. Balance – Episode 22: Petals to the Metal: Chapter Five
  28. Balance – Episode 40: Lunar Interlude III: Rest & Relaxation
  29. 29.0 29.1 Balance – Episode 29: The Crystal Kingdom: Chapter One
  30. Balance – Live Episode: The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular
  31. Balance – Episode 10: Murder on the Rockport Limited: Chapter One/Transcript
  32. Balance – Episode 37: The Crystal Kingdom: Chapter Nine
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