Balance – Episode 4: Here There Be Gerblins: Chapter Four

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Double, double, toil and trouble. We're cooking up a fresh batch of danger for you this week in... The Adventure Zone!

—The Announcer

"Here There Be Gerblins: Chapter Four," as it appears on the MaximumFun website, is the fourth episode of The Adventure Zone, from the arc which would later be named Balance.

Synopsisedit | hide all | hide | edit source

Full transcript available here.

After solving a particularly difficult jelly puzzle, our heroes journey ever deeper into Wave Echo Cave. Taako meets a kindred spirit, Merle does some missionary work and Magnus does some really cool stuff with some chains.

The episode begins! It's goof time until Taako has the gumption to just up and head out into the heart of Wave Echo Cave.

Check out 1:00-2:00 in this youtube video.edit | hide | edit source

The gang walks out, chatting. After reminiscing about killing Yeemick, they come to a room with a giant grinding machine on top of a sturdy floor grate. About 8 feet up there is a wooden ledge, and across the room there's a ladder leading to a door from the wooden ledge.

The door is kicked open by a young orc woman who is holding the biggest crossbow anyone's ever seen. She points the crossbow at the gang while trying to figure out why other people are in the cave.

Merle tries to witness to her, and it doesn't work so well.

She asks if the gang is in the cave for the [static], and they say, "...No?" She pulls out a gameshow button and zaps the crusher in the center of the room, which animates, and then skedaddles out of the room, taking the ladder with her.

Grinder Fight!edit | hide | edit source

The gang rolls initiative against the piece of mining equipment. Taako casts Thunderwave, causing 32 points of damage, and it looks very sweet.

Magnus takes his chains, as many as he can carry, and hefts them into the grinder. It gums up the works and the machine tears itself up from the inside out.

Taako makes a perception check to see if he understands ground beef. It almost works: he understands the concept of grinding, but not ground beef.

Magnus takes a chain with him, because of course he does. But now It's time for some High Adventure.

HIGH ADVENTURE!edit | hide | edit source

It's time for 2:00-8:00 of this youtube video. They hear the orc woman calling for help, and rebuff her initially, until Magnus rushes in.

The Black Spider needs no introduction, but gets one anyway, and we also learn his other name, Magic Brian. The orc woman is in the room, covered in webbing (which is not Taako's thing). The gang disavows her safety, saying that they're only there for Gundren. Merle heals him and he's alive.

Let's get it onedit | hide | edit source

Taako casts burning hands on the webbing, spell shaping it to release the orc woman, whose name, we learn, is Killian. The Black Spider pulls out a fist-sized throbbing pod, which explodes, and a gigantic literal black spider crawls through the cracks in the ceiling. The spider, whose name is also Bryan (with a y) is twice as tall as Magnus.

Merle casts Sleep on Magic Brian, but Brian has more than 17 hit points, so it was more of a recon mission than anything else.

Now free, Killian pushes her buzzer, which shoots an energy thingy that flies out the door. Immediately, something outside the door starts banging on it.

Magnus attempts to run past the spider and trip it with the chain from earlier, AT-AT-style. It works to sort of trip the spider, and Magnus uses action surge to attack the spider's eyes for 10 damage. Meanwhile, the door is bending and buckling.

Taako casts Magic Missile on the spider, for 9 damage. Magic Brian shoots a Magic Missile right back at Taako, which hits him, leaving him with 0 HP. Whoops!

Spider Bryan (the spider) stands up to attack Magnus. Magnus is afraid of spiders, so it gets advantage, biting him with its mandibles for 9 damage.

Merle casts Thaumaturgy at the door, which unlocks it. A blinding light pours through, headlights on a tractor with legs. It's Renée the Jackhammer Robot! She STABS right through the giant spider and tackles it right over the ledge into the pit.

Killian tries the animator again but it doesn't work. She hides behind the door, turning the fight over to the gang alone.

Magnus uses his turn to feed Taako a healing poison and does it in a cheesy manner. Taako wakes up, with the concept of "cheese" stuck in his head.

ABRACAFUCK YOU!edit | hide | edit source

Taako stands up to his full wizarding height (two feet taller with the hat), and yells "ABRACAFUCK YOU!" He shoots magic missiles at Magic Brian, nearly killing him. (Now watch this youtube video.)

Magic Brian grabs Gundren on the way into the pit, and then pops back up with 2 Gundrens. Which one could be the real Gundren? (Hint: it's the one without the silly accent.)

The Money Zoneedit | hide | edit source

None, but there is a break! Please rate and review.

Featured NPCsedit | hide | edit source

Featured Locationsedit | hide | edit source

Quotesedit | hide | edit source

"Grown Apart"edit | hide | edit source

  • CLINT: Can - can we - as we walk through, can we talk?
  • GRIFFIN: Yeah yeah!
  • MERLE: I feel like I don’t know you guys, I mean -
  • GRIFFIN: Oh this would be a perfect opportunity, I - I, it is a very - I don’t know if you guys have ever walked through a mine before: it’s a very long stretch.
  • MERLE: Uh, I just feel like we’ve grown apart and I’m just, y’know.
  • TAAKO: So, how--
  • TRAVIS: Stop singing Kenny Chesney.
  • TAAKO: How does everybody think the adventure is going?
  • MAGNUS: I’d say a solid B - a solid B-minus?
  • TAAKO: So far so good by me.
  • GRIFFIN: Are you saying the content of the adventure that you -
  • TAAKO: You don’t hear this happening!
  • GRIFFIN: Okay.
  • MAGNUS: Shut up, God!
  • TAAKO: This is just us talking, let us talk. Do you guys remember when we killed that goblin that looked like Common and sounded like Kelsey Grammer?
  • MAGNUS: Mmhm.

So you just want to be... more cumbersome?edit | hide | edit source

  • TRAVIS: [over Clint] I’m gonna… I’m gonna take a chain with me.
  • GRIFFIN: Yeah you –
  • CLINT: Now we’re up o - Oh good idea.
  • GRIFFIN: You gonna, just in case? Are you just gonna do this every time I introduce any sort of mechanic you’re like, “Ohhhhh I may need that mayonnaise later!” Like “No, that was the solution to the mayonnaise puzzle.”
  • TRAVIS: No just… I want it to like wrap around, like, my shield and arm and shit as like –
  • GRIFFIN: Okay.
  • TRAVIS: Makeshift armor.

Referencesedit | hide | edit source

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