Commitment – Episode 3/Transcript

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Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

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[Theme music (The Adventure Zone: Commitment Theme by Griffin McElroy) plays]

Griffin: Let’s just get into it! Let’s just get on it– [crosstalk]

Travis: [crosstalk] Roll your ball!

Griffin: –roll that fuckin’ ball!

Clint: Are we...are we good? Should we just charge right in?

Griffin: Let’s just do it! We’re about to fight a big fucking robot unicorn and I’m ready!

Travis: Yeah, if you want to know the “Previously on…” go back and relisten to the episode!

Clint: Good point.

Griffin: Things Remy has done since he got superpowers: Jumped into a wall, and then solved a-a riddle from a big St. Peter. Things he has not done: Jumped and fought. It’s time. It is now.

Justin: I would appreciate, uh, reminding us of what we’re doing.

Travis: No, we’re fighting a unicorn and a robot or whatever, let’s goooo!

Clint: I’ll make it very simple. You’re in a field of lilies of the valley, the-the golden road has kinda fallen into disrepair. Right ahead of you is this thick line of trees. A robot Salome has come in riding on a unicorn. She jumps off the unicorn, she drops John the Baptist’s head – ah, I forgot to put John the Baptist’s head on the–

Travis: [crosstalk] No, but let’s just say, Dad,–

Clint: [crosstalk] –the map.

Travis: –your map game is–

Griffin: [crosstalk] It’s improving! You’re gonna be-

Travis: [crosstalk] And I just want to say, I love how you see all the little flowers everywhere, Dad has added some more appropriate, like, fanart versions of us as the icons–

Griffin: There’s no inanimate– there’s no inanimate objects representing living human beings, which is very exciting.

Travis: [crosstalk] Yeah, but then right up there in the top right-hand corner, is–

Clint: No, no, no, no! Don’t give it away!

Travis: Wha-

Justin: What are you talking about, don’t give it away? You’re showing us!

Travis: [cross talk] It’s there on the– it’s the stuff of nightmares! We’ll get to it, guess.

Clint: We’ll get to it. As a matter of fact, it’s coming right now.

Justin: Ok.

Clint: Ok, so, I told you the unicorn, this giant robot unicorn, has charged forward after, uh, Ditto challenged me on the biblical authenticity of unicorns.

Travis: That was in character.

Griffin: No, that was–

Clint: [crosstalk] Oh, that’s right.

Griffin: No, that was me. I didn’t know.

Clint: Oh, ok. So this Salome robot starts to dance–

Travis: [crosstalk] Salome!

Clint: But it’s really kind of weird. Uh, it’s kind of like, herky-jerky, like somebody doing the robot, which [laughing] I guess is appropriate! Um, but as she dances, as she spins, a couple of the veils that are wrapped around her start to unwind from her body.

Travis: Gross.

Clint: Now these are very specific, they are called rumals, and they’re a weapon, they’re weighted at the end. And she spins faster and faster. So the unicorn is charging on you, and just then, you hear this high pitched buzzing sound coming from the trees, and John the Baptist’s head pops– pipes up, and says:

John the Baptist: Genesis 3:24. At the east of the garden of Eden, he stationed the Cherubim and the flaming sword.

Griffin: Oh god, they just moved! They moved! [yelling and some laughter]

Clint: Do you need cherubim?

Griffin: Sorry, Dad has chosen the scariest possible sort of iconography for the cherubim on this map, and he–

Travis: It looks like if weeping angels had babies.

Griffin: And he moved them and it gave me a terrible fright.

Clint: Three incredibly adorable baby angels–

Travis: [crosstalk] No! No!

Griffin: [crosstalk] Wrong. Incorrect.

Clint: –come flying out of the trees, each with adorable little flaming swords, which I couldn’t find on the icons, so I–

Travis: Are they like, scale sized the size of like cocktail swords, or a little bit bigger?

Clint: Aw, that would be awful cute, wouldn’t it?

Travis: Yeah.

Clint: Well these are, these are shaped in the size of real babies, so. And, uh, the unicorn starts making a bee-line for Kardala, the cherubim zoom towards Nadiya, and Salome launches her first rumal straight at Remy. So, I would like you–

Travis: Cherubims! Why did it have to be cherubims? [someone snorts with laughter]

Clint: Alright, I need you guys to roll to determine who’s going to go first. So what we’ll do is, roll your Fate die, and add your, uh, athletics bonus to it so I can decide who goes– so we can decide who goes first.

Griffin: Uh, I have, uh, plus 5.

Travis: I rolled a 2, plus 1, a 3.

Justin: Yeah, I’ll, uh, go ahead and add a 1, so I got a 1.

Clint: Remy’s going to go first.

Griffin: I turn to the other two and I say,

Remy: I really don’t want to punch a baby. I know that they’re robots, but it’s still a little bit upsetting.
Nadiya: She– it’s a robot. I can logically distance myself from the fact that that is not a real baby, Remy, like–
Remy: Fair enough.
Nadiya: You get that, right? You fight robot dance lady, I’ll fight robot babies, Kardala?
Kardala: Yes?
Nadiya: Robot unicorn. This– I feel like our dance cards are full, as they say.
Kardala: I do not appreciate your order, but I would like to punch the unicorn.

[Clint laughs]

Nadiya: Yeah.
Remy: I think it’d be a lot easier for you to punch this unicorn if it was lying down.

Griffin: And I grab the rumal as they’re coming at me, and I want to try to trip the unicorn. Like, they’re long strips of fabric, right? With– with weighted–

Clint: Yeah. But they’re like, this really high-tech mesh–

Griffin: Yeah.

Clint: –they’ll stretch, but they’re not gonna tear or break.

Griffin: Well I mean if they’re flying at me, I just wanna grab them out of the air and then try to like, uh, clothesline the unicorn as it’s coming, like, get it under the legs and knock it down. Try to interrupt its charge.

Clint: All right.

Griffin: What would that be?

Clint: All right. Well, you tell me, what do you want to use? Tell me, [crosstalk] are you gonna grab the rumal?

Griffin: [crosstalk] I think– yeah, I think because it’s like a ranged attack and I’m trying to interrupt it, I feel like athletics would be...cause I don’t see anything else, really– maybe physique, but that’s more like a feat of strength, this is more of a feat of, like, coordination. [crosstalk] Yeah. So...

Clint: [crosstalk] Ok. All right.

Griffin: Well, that’s not going to be good. So that is a 2.

Clint: Ok. [crosstalk] And so Salome–

Travis: [crosstalk] And you’re rolling– just to be clear, rolled a negative 2, plus 4...

Griffin: [crosstalk] Plus 4 is, yeah, and I don’t think I’m going to add anything to it, cause this is not, uh, “anything requiring leaping, balancing, or otherwise demonstrating your agility”.

Clint: I think because of the accuracy of her throw, I think, uh, I think the rumal actually impacts you. [Griffin groans] The weighted part of the rumal hits you–

Griffin: [crosstalk] I fucking– I see them coming and I, like, [clapping sound] clap my hands together and put up like a catcher’s stance, and they just fucking level me.

Clint: Oh, yeah! I like that! But you caught it, uh, and you went down. [crosstalk] All right?

Griffin: [crosstalk] Ok. I take a– I take a stress, I imagine.

Clint: Yeah, you take 1 stress.

Travis: Ok, so we haven’t dealt with this yet. In Fate, um, when you take hits, you have, like, um, so– say you take 1 point of dam– 1 point of stress, is what it’s called.

Griffin: Basically you have hit points in the form of stress, and if you take too many of those you get a consequence, and consequences are aspects that Dad can invoke and they can be something like broken rib, or a bloody nose, or concussion, or something like that. And...yeah. [crosstalk]

Clint: So you–

Remy: I got, I got the thing! I got the thing. So don’t worry about that. Disarmed!

Clint: Who– who’s going next? I’m going to let you pick who goes next.

Griffin: Oh, that’s right! So this is the best thing, we learned about this in the demo session we did, [Clint: Right.] combat order is, you– you pick who goes next, but you, if I just pick, you know, Justin, and then Justin picks Travis, then the enemy gets to go, what, three times in a row, which could be bad.

Clint: Yeah.

Griffin: Uh, I feel like Salome would go next.

Clint: Ok. Well, I think that, uh, what she does is she, uh, lets go of that, uh, rumal, and, uh, spins again. She’s got another one unwinding. [Griffin: Aw, man.] She’s sending it back towards you again.

Griffin: [crosstalk] Shit, I’m already hurting.

Clint: [crosstalk] Um, this time the, uh, the weight at the end of the rumal has a small blade on it.

Griffin: Aw, that’s mean.

Clint: She throws that bladed rumal at you, and she got a negative 3.

Griffin: Oh.

Clint: So combined with that–

Travis: [crosstalk] So it accidentally gives you a really great haircut.

Clint: It goes [laughs] [Griffin: Well.] it goes sailing– it goes sailing right over your prone form and maybe snips off a little bit of your hair.

Remy: No, no no noooo!

Travis: But in a good way! No, but in a good way! ([Griffin]: Oohh!) That’s even better than before.

Griffin: Ok, fantastic.

Clint: I’m going to have, uh, Nadiya go next.

Travis: Great. I’m going to uh, turn my right hand into a whip, and attempt to clip one of, uh, whichever one’s closest to me’s wings.

Clint: It would be...this one, right here.

Travis: Yeah, the– yeah, ok. You don’t have to– please don’t move it.

[Clint laughing]

Griffin: It’s very, very upsetting.

Travis: Uh, so–

Griffin: Jesus, what’s with the negative 2’s? The negative 2 squad’s here!

Travis: [crosstalk] Yeah, well, so, the idea is like, [makes a whipping sound] rrrrpsh! You know, try to clip the, the end of one wing, try to like, shear off, so that it’s like flying all wonky. Um, that’s a will attack. Uh...doot doot doot doot doo…[dissatisfied] Hmm. Now, I want everyone to know, I could make a solid case here for why aerodynamics are science-based, but we don’t have time for that.

Griffin: Well, is there anything you can do? I mean, you got a bad roll–

Travis: [crosstalk] Yeah, I– I have–

Griffin: [crosstalk] You can, uh, use one of your Aspects.

Travis: Yeah, with human polymer it’s, uh, will plus 2 for the attack, so it’s a 3.

Clint: I would say that, that smacks into the cherubim’s left wing, and it starts fluttering in kind of a weird way, so the cherubim kinda– he hasn’t gone down yet, it’s still functioning, but he kind of flies off to the side and flies back a little bit out of the way.

Travis: ‘Kay. I’m gonna put down cherubim one, aspect: wonky wing.

Clint: Ok. Who goes next, Nadiya?

Travis: Um, I’m gonna let Kar– no, the u– no, oh god, choices. Unicorn.

Clint: Well, the unicorn’s just gonna charge right at Kardala.

Kardala: Yes! Yes, excellent!

Clint: Now, it is not using its horn. It’s just gonna use–

Travis: It’s using its butt!

Clint: It’s just going to use the impact of running into Kardala to drive Kardala back. [sound of dice being rolled]

Justin: So if you’re attacking, then I get to oppose you [Clint: Right.] with my fight skill. That is a 1, plus–

Griffin: [crosstalk] The first positives of the game.

Justin: 4, that’s a 5.

Clint: The unicorn also rolled a 5.

Griffin: So on a tie, the attack misses, but the attacker gets a boost that they can invoke next time, basically.

Clint: Ok, so the unicorn goes thundering over the turf, slams into Kardala, but she had had time to brace herself, and doesn’t move.

Justin: [crosstalk] All right.

Griffin: [crosstalk] What is the unicorn’s boost? It needs like an aspect that it can invoke next time for free if it wants to. Like very angry, or charging, or, I guess, I don’t know, it could be anything.

Clint:  I think that it would, it, maybe it, uh, it now knows a little bit more about Kardala and knows brute force isn’t going to work, how’s that for a boost?

Griffin: Yeah, that’s good.

Justin: Yeah.

Travis: [crosstalk] Understanding.

Griffin: [crosstalk] Ok, inf– informed.

Clint: Alright, I say Kardala goes next.

Kardala: Yes! Excellent! Excellent try, little horse. Very precious. I will have a trophy from this unicorn.

Justin: And, uh, I’m gonna grab its horn and tear it off [Travis: Oh, snapple.] which, I guess would be...fight?

Griffin: I think that might be physique. [crosstalk] Cause you’re just doing a–

Travis: [crosstalk] I think that might be mean!

Griffin: It’s very– definitely mean, but it’s a feat of strength, and not really an attack, right?

Justin: Um, yeah we can call it physique, because it– I guess– I wouldn’t necessarily be fighting, technically.

Clint: So you got a plus 1?

Justin: Yes.

Clint: [chuckles] Okay. The unicorn has a minus 2 [Travis: Yaaaaay!] So describe it.

Justin: Uh, so Kardala grabs the horn and, uh… sort of like, spins while grabbing the horn, and just like, rips it off. It is, uh, just obvious, like raw strength. Um, and it is clear she is also enjoying herself very much. [Travis laughs]

Clint: All right. Um–

Travis: And everyone kind of stops and goes, damn, whoa. {12:36}

Justin: What happens r.e. the unicorn? Like, when the horn is removed?

Travis: It weeps.

Clint: Uh, it, sparks shoot out of its nose [Justin: Cool.] uh, and it shakes its head violently back and forth and it kinda stumbles a couple of steps away, but it hasn't stopped, it hasn't shut down completely. Um, okay, so, the cherubim are next. But before the cherubim move, John the Baptist's head says,

John the Baptist: Why doth thou abideth– Ohhh, god, forget it, that wasn't the voice. It was more like Charlton Heston. Ah, screw it. Why don't you leave me alone, you assholes?

Travis: Huh?

Remy: Uh, hey, Mary? Are you all these robots? Right? Yes?
Mary: (In John the Baptist's voice) I d– [sighs] (In a normal voice) Yeah, now shut up.
Remy: Okay, can you stop attacking us with all these– we're here to help, I promise, there's really no reason–
Kardala: Noo, are you– No! Continue your assault, ghost!
Mary: Riiight, what else would you say?

Clint: And the two cherubim that are not, uh, not messed up go flying straight at Kardala. They're gonna attack–

Kardala: [crosstalk] Yess! Come to me, babies!

Clint: They're gonna– I'm sorry, Nadiya, I apologize.

Kardala: Dammit.

Clint: I'm sorry. They fly right at Nadiya and wield their flaming swords. A +3 overall.

Griffin: Ahh, Jesus!

Travis: Uuuhhhhhm? Sooo, that's a oone. I'm gonna invoke Rapid Analytical Mind, um, to give me the opportunity to jump out of the way. How about that? My reflexes are heightened because of my rapid analytical mind.

Clint: Okay, I like that.

Justin: Wait, can you just invoke–

Griffin: [crosstalk] You wouldn't just do it. [crosstalk]

Travis: So, well no, so that would be a plus 2, right? So then that would give me 3.

Justin: Okay.

Clint: And the cherubim I think– I said had a 2?

Justin: Mmhmm.

Clint: So, describe it.

Travis: Um, so the cherubim start heading in and Nadiya begins to form her left hand into a shield, and then realizes it's not going to finish in time, and processes the information quickly enough to instead kind of just throw herself to the right.

Clint: And the flaming swords go whistling through the air and miss Nadiya completely.

Griffin: So spend a Fate point, Trav.

Travis: Yes.

Clint: We're back to Remy.

Griffin: Alright. I feel like– so the cherubim are still flying up in the air?

Clint: Yep.

Griffin: Okay, I turn to Nadiya and I say,

Remy: Hey, can we trade? ‘Cause I feel like I can do pretty good against in the air things.
Nadiya: You got it.

Travis: Wait, that's not her voice at all. [laughter]

???: (In a high pitched voice) You got it! [crosstalk]

Travis: (In a high pitched voice) You got it, mister!

Griffin: (In a messed up British accent) YEah, absolutely! (In a normal voice) Uh, alright. [a lot of crosstalk] (not really sure what they're saying)

Nadiya: Yes, please, if you're ready to fight the babies now, and you're not afraid of robot babies anymore, by all means. I'll take dance lady, and you can fight the little babies. Sure.
Remy: No, the babies are terrible now. I've learned a lot about the babies in the last few minutes. I'm not a big fan anymore.

Griffin: I start running towards the, uh, the babies, and– We haven't established what my hands can do yet, right?

Clint: That's right.

Griffin: I think I just wanna–

Travis: [crosstalk] Well, they can grab things, they can wave…

Griffin: No, I've watched Sesame Street, I know what's up. I wanna jump up and just try to, uh, just like, I guess punch one of the robot babies in midair. And just kind of [Clint: Awwww!] see what happens. They have flaming swords, I dunno– Is there something else I could do? Hm.

Clint: No!

Travis: No, punch the babies.

Clint: [crosstalk] You haven't done this–

Travis: By all means, punch a baby.

Clint: Let's see it.

Griffin: Alright, yeah, I'm just gonna do it. And then I imagine there's some sort of energy around my hand when I go in for this attack, right?

Clint: Okay, yeah, like Ironfist.

Griffin: Uh, I don’t know that I need to roll for the jump because my basic super agility lets me jump like two stories high.

Clint: Okay.

Griffin: And, so, let’s just roll for fight.

Travis: Let’s hear it for a positive number!

Griffin: Ay a zero! That ain’t nothing, but I have a three in fight and a power called basic natural weapon. You have some sort of built-in weaponry which gives you +2 to fight when brawling unarmed in close quarters. So that's a five.

Clint: And you wanna be punching the one that was already kinda beat up?

Griffin: Nah, I think I'd punch a fresh one, right?

Clint: Okay. Punch a fresh one, where do you punch 'im?

Griffin: In the baby? It's not a lot. And it's– I'm really uncomfortable with how much we're talking about punching a robot baby.

Clint: It's gotta be– what, head? Body? What're you doing?

Griffin: I mean body I guess.

Clint: Okay, right in the gut. [Justin giggling] And when you do, there's this gigantic explosion of sparks.

Griffin: Can I establish something else? ‘Cause we've kind of talked about what this power is. I feel like my fists just have the same sort of kinetic power that powers my jumps? And so I feel like the baby would just go blasting off into the sun, almost. Like it would, it's like I made it jump very very far away when I punched it.

Clint: Alright, bash it then. Boom!

Griffin: Yeah, I think it's fun to make things explode, but I think it's very fun to make things go like flying away. Yeah, okay.

Clint: It goes flying away, into the woods.

Griffin: Alright.

Clint: (singing) Into the woods, into– okay. Alright, so, Salome takes advantage of this situation. She has another rumal that's been spinning, she has another one that's spinning

Remy: Stop hitting me!

Clint: and when Remy goes sailing past, she throws the rumal in his direction. Salome's not trying to hit you with the rumal this time. She throws it to make it wrap around your arms and legs.

Griffin: Alright, I get to evade this though, right?

Clint: Right.

Griffin: I'm really good at this, so. [rolls] Jesus. PLEASUS. Alright, that's a minus 2 but I have plus 4 and an additional plus 2 to avoid dodging– to avoid ranged attacks, so, uh, I guess that's a 4 total.

Clint: Well, she has a 6 total.

Griffin: Beans.

Clint: The rumal wraps around Remy, pinning his arms to his sides, and pinning his legs so they can't move. As soon as he comes to the ground, he hits the ground really hard, which kinda stuns him. Salome jumps on the unicorn and, dragging Remy behind her, goes plowing back up into the trees.

Remy: (getting farther away) Byyyeee!

Clint: And almost as soon as she's out of sight, the two remaining cherubim collapse to the ground, Nadiya's powers fade [Griffin: Oh, shit.] and Kardala turns back into Irene.

Irene: What… is… happening?
Nadiya: Oh, where to start, where to start. Um, you know what? Actually no, just, let's follow him. I don't feel like explaining it.
Irene: Okay, can you give me just, like, a summation? Like a quick overview of where we are?
Nadiya: [crosstalk] Yeah, it– Keep up, I'll explain while we walk. How much do you remember?

Justin: Okay, yadda yadda yadda, we don't actually need to recap the events of the last–

Travis: [crosstalk] Yeah, and then the propeller spins–

Justin: Yeah, right, the red line crosses the Atlantic, and [Travis: Yeah.] the–

Irene: It sounds like we gotta go after him.
Nadiya: Yes.

Griffin: You can probably follow the sound of my yelling. Cuz I'm definitely, definitely yelling.

Travis: I'm gonna do– investigate roll to like, follow the path and the yelling and stuff?

Clint: Alright.

Travis: NOPE. That's a negative 3!

Griffin: Ohh my god.

Clint: [crosstalk] Okay.

Travis: [crosstalk] My investigate is plus 3, so I'm like, "Who's Remy?"

Griffin: It's good that this is gonna be such a short arc, because we're all gonna die.

Clint: So what happens is, uh, Remy's shouts fade in the denseness of the trees, but you kinda already know the direction to go in.

Travis: Oh wait, I have an idea! I shall use... Science! And reprogram one of the cherubim to lead us there!

Justin: Okay...

Travis: Okay, well that's a negative 2, but my Science is 4 so I get a 2. To cherubim reprogramming.

Clint: The lil cherubim's eyes open up, and he says, Cherubim: I wuv woo!

Justin: Oh god.

Travis: [crosstalk] Alright.

Clint: And then he stops. Alright, change of scene real quick, before you guys move.

Griffin: Well– how– hey, can I ask how's Remy doin??

Clint: That's where we're going right now.

Griffin: Alright, good.

Clint: We now go to…

Travis: Oh, goodness gracious.

Clint: The next scene. Basically it's a giant recreation of an ancient tabernacle. It's overgrown with weeds, there's whole chunks of plaster that've fallen away, to kinda reveal the infrastructure. There's this big arena in the middle of it, with four entryways from the four points of the compass. And standing up on a raised area at the very northern part of this, stands Mary. She's got a head full of curly red hair, it's tangled and matted, just not very much hair maintenance there going at all. She's still wearing her Fellowship vest, but the rest of her clothes are torn, and dirty.

Travis: Aw man, that's right, our vests were supposed to give us plus to defense. Aww beans.

Griffin: Well, I think they're bulletproof, but anyway.

Clint: And Salome and the unicorn, once they got here. Remy lays in the middle of all that, on the ground in that arena thing, still bound by the rumal. But once they got to a certain point, the unicorn and Salome– I guess it's just a horse now, it's not a unicorn anymore [Justin: Yeah.] The horse and Salome–

Travis: [crosstalk] Well, I mean, it's still genetically a unicorn. You know what I mean? Like–

Griffin: Yeah, sure.

Justin: The horn does not make the unicorn, Dad.

Travis: Right.

Clint: That's a good point. Mary looks down at you and says, um,

Mary: Well what are you looking at? You try living on Pronto Pups and Mountain Dew for six weeks, see how you look.
Remy: I would be the happiest boy in the world! Are you kidding me?

[Travis laughs]

Remy: I love those little corny dogs! And a Dew to– a Dew for dippin? Don't mind if I do, come on! It's like a 24/7 LAN party up in here, I'm into it!
Mary: Yeah, it is pretty sweet.
Remy: See? That's– why are you so bummed out? I promise we're not here to hurt you, we came here to try to get some help for you.
Mary: Listen, I appreciate it, but horseshit. I know why you're here, you and your buddies are here from the [mockingly] “Do-Good Fellowship” to kill me, and that's not gonna happen.
Remy: Listen, I've been a superhero for like twenty minutes, but I'm pretty sure we've– there's like an unspoken sort of Batman, no lethal situation. I'm– I don't wanna KILL anybody, Jesus!
Mary: No, listen. Everybody's out to get me, I know they are. Everybody wants to hurt Space Cadet. That's the way it is, that's– and look! Look, I appreciate you giving me my powers back, but I'm not gonna let you, and your two monster girlfriends, kill me. And let me guess, those two backstabbers Addison and Flanagan are with you too, aren’t they?
Remy: Uh, nope, just the three of us. They are complete dipshits though, I’m so glad we’re on the same page there.
Mary: It’s tough when they give you shitty partners, isn’t it?
Remy: I know! It’s- and- and I know exactly what you’re talk-

Griffin: Can I roll Empathy, to try to literally empathize with her right now?

Clint: Yeah. [crosstalk] Yeah.

Griffin: [crosstalk] Okay. Ah! Yes! [laughter] I rolled a 2 [Justin: Griffin rolled a 2], and I have a +2 in Empathy, and I’m like,

Remy: Yeah, y’know, it seems like there should be a better process, y’know, it’s not like we’re really simpatico, like fully locked into the drift. Uh, that was Pacific Rim. You like that one? That was a good flick.
Mary: That was good. Oh, I love that movie, love it, love it, love it. [crosstalk]
Remy: [crosstalk] It was good. No, I know, it’s out of your control, but I- listen, I know things are rough, but I really don’t mean you any harm.

Griffin: I’m just trying to like, use empathy to like, get her to stop attacking us with robots all the time.

Mary: [sighs] Gah. I don’t know. Y’know it’s just the whole joke. That the Do-Good Fellowship with their twenty four dumbass questions, and, and all the screening–
Remy: Did they do all twenty four when you were there for the initiation? Cause I thought it went a little bit long.
Mary: Ohhhh God. It was a pain in the ass. Whoever came– I guess Ben Franklin, I guess, we can thank Ben Franklin–
Remy: Old pervert.
Mary: [laughs] Oh, absolute– see, you don’t believe in what they’re doing either, do ya?
Remy: Absolutely not. But I do– I’m worried about you, is my main thing right now.
Mary: Oh, no, don’t worry about me I’m gettin’ what I wanted. See, here’s the thing. I had no interest in being a Do-Gooder. All their little tests, and all their little screening, I fooled them all. I want powers. Cause I’m gonna get back to the government for what they did to my mom and dad. My mom and dad were true believers. [trembling] I– they were– you want to talk about doing good? [angrily] They were doing good! And then the government hounded them, with a bunch of trumped up charges, and they– and destroyed their ministry and sent them to prison, took all of this away from ‘em! [laughs] When I– when I went there to get my powers it was just to get revenge on the government. I’m gonna show them a thing or two.
Remy: All right. Well. Um…

[Travis laughs]

Remy: Yeah. I mean, they make bad choices sometimes, this is um, I’m sorry about your folks, that’s a real shame to hear about it, but um… you understand I didn’t do that to you but you’ve been attacking me with robots since we got here so can we call a truce on that and figure out, you know, a way forward here?  

Clint: Just then, Mary and Remy both feel that surge of warmth going through them. And Mary says,

Mary: Ohhhhh, there’s that old sweet feeling, your super significant others must be getting closer!

Clint: And we cut back to Nadiya and Kardala.


Griffin: Did Irene— hold on did Irene just turn back into Kardala as soon as that warmth…?

Clint: Not yet. Cutting to that moment when the power is surging through them so she’s still Irene for now.

Irene: Nadiya, listen.
Nadiya: Yes?
Irene: You need to stay outside. I think I can talk to her.
Nadiya: Uh huh…?
Irene: Listen, if you hear me yelling, you rush in and… I don’t know, turn your hand— what were you doing? Like, like putty-?
Nadiya: [crosstalk] Don’t worry about that, rushing in isn’t really my thing?

Griffin: [in background] Hah.

Irene: Mmhmm.
Nadiya: Um… yeah you know what, Nadiya’s good out here.

[Clint laughing]

Irene: Great. Okay um. Okay.
Nadiya: In fact, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna kinda walk around the building. [
Irene: Yeah–] See if maybe I can, yeah see if I can find–
Irene: [indistinguishable crosstalk] –science out here.
Nadiya: No, see if I can find another entrance, ya dingus.
Irene: Yeah that’s– that’s good too, yeah. Try to find another entrance!

Justin: Irene walks into the arena.

Clint: Irene comes in, makes an entrance into the arena.

Griffin: I see Irene and I’m like—

Remy: Hey Irene! You’re back!

Clint: And Irene, that warm glow of energy starts kicking in, and Irene can feel herself starting to change as she sees Remy.

Irene: Well shit, this isn’t what Iiiii… [voice deepens and changes]
Kardala: …iii have come to return your horn!
Remy: Oh no.
Kardala: I am going to put it in your chest!
Remy: Kardala, wait, we’re good here, we’re really making progress—

Justin: Kardala’s already storming towards Mary with the horn in hand, brandished like a dagger.

Clint: Aaaand the unicorn charges in between, and intercepts.

Justin: Okay good. Then uh, Kardala buries the horn in the unicorn’s head.

Clint: Awrgh!

Griffin: Now this is a fight.

Justin: I’m putting it on, point down, I’m putting it in backwards! [Clint laughing] It’s a joke!

Clint: Alright!

Justin: That’s a… four. [dice rolling]

Clint: Oh yeah. That’s a zero. Puppy, describe it.

Justin: Uh, Kardala flips up in the air, grabs it point down, jams it in the part where the sparks go.

Clint: And the head just absolutely goes kablooey and down goes the unicorn.

Griffin: Does Nadiya— Does Nadiya hear this happening from outside? I don’t want Travis to be left out. [Clint: Yes.] Does Nadiya hear this from outside.

Clint: Yeah. Nadiya, what do you do?

Travis: I’m investigating for another entrance.

Griffin: Can we roll for that now then? For- [Travis: Yup.] looking for another entrance?

Clint: Alright, do it!

Travis: Damn it! [Griffin: [chuckling] That’s another minus two.] She can’t even find the first entrance!

Griffin: Alright, uh, I get this-

Travis: [crosstalk] Ah- It’s a one- it’s a one total. Um…

Clint: Okay so. How about if you hear noise… you’re approaching the eastern entrance [dice rolling] and you can hear the sounds coming from there, how’s that. Mary’s powers are kicking in to the nth degree, uh that red hair of hers just shoots out, it’s like a halo of fire around her head and she says, um,

Mary: Romans 12:19! Vengeance is mine! I will repay, sayeth the Lord, I told you you had monsters with ya!

Clint: And then, all of a sudden, the ground starts to shake. Loud, tremendous impact. Footsteps coming. And from behind Mary, in the Northern arch, steps a giant Goliath. Fifteen feet high, carrying a spear and a giant shield. The Goliath opens up in the back, this kind of panel opens up,  and she climbs inside. Let’s roll for initiative.

[TAZ: Commitment theme fades in at 30:22]

[The Money Zone 30:42-36:20]

Clint: Alright Remy, you go first, again!

Griffin: I say to Kardala,

Remy: You got this, right? You can handle this one?
Kardala: Ha, yes!
Remy: Yeah this seems up your alley. Hey, Batman rules? Don’t kill, okay. The robot is fine but Mary, don’t mortally-

Clint: Just remember your mission.

Remy: Yeah don’t mortally injure her, okay. Can you restrain yourself that much?
Kardala: Yes, I feel that my thirst for battle will be slaked by this giant person.
Remy: Fantastic. I just need you to buy me some time, I have a cunning plan, and I-

Travis: Somewhere, Nadiya shivers. [Clint laughs]

Griffin: I bend my knees and— are there like rafters or some place up high that I can jump up to?

Clint: I would say that the entranceways are pretty high.

Griffin: Yeah I just want to jump up on top of one of the entranceways and sort of get free from battle to do something on my next turn, just sort of- [Clint: Okay.] -get out of the way.

Clint: Do it! Which one do you want, north, south— you don’t want to go north—

Griffin: Uh no, god no, I’ll go uh, I’ll go— I’ll just jump up to the west one I guess.

Clint: Alright.

Griffin: I’m just trying to get out of the battle so that I can— cause what I need to do next is gonna take some time and I won’t be able to do it if I have a big giant attacking me.

Clint: Okay.

Griffin: Alright, I’m done. Um… I think next… [Clint: Who goes next?] How about uh, it’s just the Goliath, right? There’s no other enemies in here?

Clint: Right.

Griffin: Let’s just get that turn out of the way.

Clint: The Goliath only sees one target, and that would be Kardala. Sooo the Goliath charges forward, and tries to spear Kardala with, well, the spear. [Justin: Mm.] Uhhhh it kind of gives this inarticulate growl when he does it.

Justin: Great.

Clint: The giant has four in fight, and so… we get a [dice roll] negative one, so that’s three.

Justin: Uh, Kardala ties with a three.

Clint: Okay, the spear glances off of Kardala, [Justin: Mmhmm], Kardala kind of turns sideways, is that alright?

Justin: Sure.

Clint: And the spear tip kind of bounces off of Kardala’s vest. And [Griffin: And-] so it also apparently is spear-point proof.

Griffin: And the giant needs an aspect.

Clint: The energy that the robot Goliath had been planning on using to skewer Kardala, uh is saved up, since they didn’t really make impact.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: Since it’s like, charged.

Clint: Yeah.

Justin: So that’s your boost.

Travis: So who’s next?

Clint: Uh I think, uh, Kardala!

Kardala: Yes. Excellent. This is more like it.

[Clint makes growling noises as the Goliath]

Kardala: [laughs] Yes. Rawr. Yes.

Justin: Kardala smacks her hands together. [makes an sound like an explosion] Like that, and creates a sheet of ice underneath the Goliath.

Clint: [laughs] Okay.

Justin: That’s the uh, the weather, she’s freezing the ground beneath the Goliath. [Clint: Alright] Um. Now the way that works for this particular power is, I have to roll- um, it’s- I’m creating advantage using will, um, so I need to roll, and the opposition is generally plus two, that’s two, plus my will, is three so that’s five, so I do create the, uh, sheet of ice beneath the Goliath.

Clint: Okay.

Griffin: So the advantage is an aspect?

Justin: It’s an aspect of the environment that I can invoke- [Griffin: Anybody can invoke-] -to, anybody can invoke, correct, yes, thank you.

Griffin: So any of us can use that, next time we do something, which, maybe Nadiya can do now.

Clint: And… I guess Nadiya [Justin: Uhhh] goes next?

Justin: [crosstalk] Yeah, Nadiya.

Travis: Cool! So, I have come in from the east? Y’know, I’m just gonna both hands together, and like, sledgehammer, um, the back of the Goliath’s legs. [Clint: Mmkay.] So I end up with four, plus the slippery ground, so plus two, it’s a six.

Clint: Nice! Well, the giant, in defending— I guess defense?

Griffin: Uh yes, part [Travis: Uh, yes.] of it is fight, right?

Travis: Yeah. Well no, it’s an act of will, so—

Clint: [crosstalk] But will— will is Nadiya’s fight skill.

Travis: Okay.

Clint: Alright. Uh, it slams into the back of the Goliath’s legs, which knocks him forward on the ice, and the Goliath goes down to one knee, and kinda slides right up against Kardala.

Griffin: He takes some stress for that I imagine?

Clint: Yeah, takes two, as a matter of fact—

Justin: [crosstalk] How do you— how d’you— ‘kay here’s a question, how do you know how much stress—

Griffin: It’s how much- it’s how much Travis beat dad’s roll by. Yeah.

Justin: Ohhh okay.

Griffin: How much— So what did you roll then, with your fight defense?

Clint: Uhhhh four. Total was four.

Travis: [crosstalk] I have a six, so-

Clint: So I took- so the Goliath took two physical stress.

Griffin: Aw, great.

Travis: I’m also going to say, uh, I’m going to self compel my drawback, um which is use of powers’ physically exhausting, use too much of it will cause her physical damage cause I think that was a pretty big hit? To do like a two handed swing against a fifteen foot opponent, so I’m going to say that that also causes me one physical stress.

Justin: Alright and you take a fate point for that.

Griffin: Well if dad approves it.

Justin: Oh yeah.

Clint: Yeah I do approve it. [Griffin: Alright] I like that. Alright we’re back up to Remy!

Griffin: Alright. Here’s my idea. I want to spend a Fate point to establish a thing that is true about the world. That is the other thing you can do with Fate points. And I just want to establish that I have a— I put my thumb into the bag, open up the thumbprint, open up the bag and I reach in and I get out my laptop!

Clint: [laughing] Okay?

Griffin: Uh and I open it up, and I try to find Mary’s signal. [Clint: starts laughing] I assume even if it’s not a wifi signal it’s something that reaches out to electronics and so this is— so this is one of those things and so I try to find Mary’s signal.

Clint: Okay. I say you can find the signal.

Griffin: Okay! I find her signal and then I’m gonna try to DDOS her. [Travis starts laughing]

Clint: Which means?

Griffin: Uh, denial of service attack. It means I’m just gonna kinda flood the signal to a point where it will stop working.

Clint: Okay. [dice rolling] [Griffin: Uh.] Go for it!

Griffin: Okay. I’m assuming this is craft? Cause that’s like what I established as my [Clint: Right.] IT skill? So.

Clint: Well in this case you’re rolling against Mary then.

Griffin: Yeah yeah yeah yeah, for sure.

Clint: Okay.

Griffin: Uh-

Justin: [crosstalk] It was not negative.

Griffin: It was not negative. So I have a plus two in crafts, but I have the IT specialist aspect that I can invoke. Uh, so I can spend another [dice rolling] Fate point here. Can I also, uhhhhh… hmm. You can invoke uh- [Travis: So, do that and uh] -you can invoke- [Travis: Find out what-] You can invoke as many things as you want, right?

Travis: [crosstalk] Yeah find out what Mary- wait, can we find out what Mary rolled before invoking things?

Griffin: Yeah you can keep adding onto it. So that’s a four, total.

Clint: Alright, Mary has rolled a one, but has four in crafts, so she has five.

Griffin: I mean I think I can also just invoke- uh spend my last Fate point and invoke the ground? The ice on the ground? And then uh say like uh she was too busy sort of keeping her- staying upright? To like, really fend off this attack? Would you give me that? Like she was spending so much bandwidth [Clint: Yeah!] like just trying to stay upright.

Clint: [crosstalk] I’ll give you- no, yeah.

Griffin: I’m burning all of my shit on this one cause I really want it to work so that’s- that brings me up to a six which beats her five.

Clint: So the net outcome is one, correct? In your favour?

Griffin: Yeah, but this isn’t really an attack as much as it’s like, I’m just trying to keep her from being able to control things with her signal.

Clint: I’ll go along with that. And- but you’ve also connected to her, correct?

Griffin: Uh… yeah I guess so, I guess my computer’s connected to Mary.

Clint: And since her power can- is like, communicating with these chips and with technology, she is now linked to your laptop.

Griffin: Do I get an IM from her? Like a AOL instant message message?

Clint: You get a message where she says,

Mary: Are you out of your mind?! Do you know what’s gonna happen if I’m in here and I don’t have control of this thing???

Griffin: I just message back-

Remy: lol


Griffin: Uh.

Clint: Okay, at this point the Goliath rears back. It’s right on top of Kardala, I mean right next to Kardala. Rears back with that shield and hits Kardala with everything it’s got.

Griffin: Yeah can I give it the aspect ‘Out of control’? Just like as- I think that was technically creating an advantage I think the advantage is I remove control from Mary, and so this thing is now out of control.

Clint: Yeah okay.

Justin: Okay.

Clint: Yeah. [dice rolling] And the roll is two, so that’s seven. Hits Kardala for seven.

Justin: Okay? So Kardala has four against that seven. Um. I’m gonna invoke the ice and spend a Fate point to invoke the ice, uh, to add to my roll, which would get me to six, and I’m using the ice to kinda slide away so it doesn’t clobber me [Clint: Okay] directly. [Clint: The impact.] Kardala just kinda flings herself away from the impact, not enough to miss it but-

Travis: She turns it into a skid.

Justin: Yeah exactly, exactly.

Clint: Alright, so, Goliath rears back with that shield, slams it into Kardala, that knocks Kardala back, um, on the ice and away from Goliath and does one physical stress to Kardala. And it’s Kardala’s turn.

Kardala: [laughing] Excellent. Excellent. I haven’t been hurt in so long.

Justin: Well, uh, I have super toughness which gives me two armour, so it didn’t really hurt that bad but—

Griffin: An armour value reduces the shift of a successful hit, so armour two makes any hit worth two less than usual. If you hit, but the target armour reduces the shift value to zero below, you get a boost to use on your target but you don’t do any harm. When you hit— so the armour negates, uh, however much of the shift of the armour, so if you have armour two, then you took that shift down to zero, and when that happens because of armour, then the Goliath gets another boost but doesn’t do any harm. Does that make sense? [Justin: Okay] So the Goliath- so dad needs to give the Goliath another aspect, but you do not actually take any damage.

Clint: I think it’s just going in the, into full berserker mode now, I mean systems are disrupted and- [indistinguishable crosstalk from Justin]

Griffin: So it’s out of control and berserk. So we have a looot of stuff we can use on this Goliath now.

Clint: Okay. Um.

Travis: I like how we keep saying like ‘this Goliath’ to you, [Clint laughs] I think it’s name is Goliath, like David and? Y’know?

Griffin: [very fast] Oh yeah let’s hit him in the fuckin’ someone hit him in the fucking head with a rock!

Travis: Yeah I feel like we’re missing a particular-

Clint: I believe it’s Kardala’s turn.

Remy: Hit him in the head with a rock! It’s a bible thing! The terrible bible! That’s what it says.

Travis: That’s just for-

Justin: In case you missed last episode, Kardala kept calling it terrible like it was strong, not Griffin— Griffin’s not saying the bible is terrible. [Clint laughing] Just want to make that clear here, little editorial note.

Justin: I should throw a rock—

Griffin: [crosstalk] Write it down.

Justin: I suppose. Um. I just grab a chunk of the frozen ground. And uh—

Clint: Snap off a piece of ice?

Justin: Snap off a piece of ice [Clint laughs] and I chuck it at the Goliath’s head. Um. Which I guess would be… physique?

Griffin: Or shoot.

Justin: Shoot. Okay. Uh, I… am going to chuck the ice chunk at him, and I have a uh, a one. I’m going to invoke ‘Out of control’, so that at inopportune moments, because it’s not in control, at an inopportune moment it turns it’s head to look at my attack, and um I add to my one to make it a three.

Clint: The Goliath has three.

Justin: Perfect. Yeah I’ll just go ahead and just leave it as a boost. Kardala is now furious that that dumb idea didn’t work, and she is remorseful that she didn’t just punch it in its face.

Clint: Yeah.

Justin: So that’s my boost.

Clint: Okay, the ice chunk kinda bounced off the side of Goliath’s head.

Remy: Okay never mind that wasn’t— it wasn’t a riddle, my bad.

Clint: Nadiya! [Travis: Yes?] What do you do?

Travis: So now that uh, since the Goliath is still down on one knee, [Clint: Right.] I’m going to attempt to turn one hand into a crowbar and pop open the door that Mary is in, the compartment that Mary is in.

Clint: [laughs] Kay? From the back. Yes.

Travis: Yes. Zero! Super great. Um. Wellll plus… five. Five.

Clint: Alright, the door pops open, Mary is faced away from you because she’s facing forward but she uh, kinda yells back over her shoulder and she’s— you gotta understand something, they are linked. So all this craziness, all this berserkness, is kind of feeding back on her too. And she just turns to you, that hair is still goin’ all over the place, aaand as a matter of fact it’s kinda weird cause the hair has kinda been tangled inside the Goliath, working around all the mechanics of it and all the technology and she just turns and looks at you, and just gives this horrible screeching scream right in your face.

Travis: Oookay? [Griffin laughs]


Clint: Remy.

Griffin: Uh, I wanna do another dumb thing.

Clint: Do it.

Griffin: Since this Goliath was able to be connected to by Mary, I assume I can also try to use my computer to hack the Goliath and take it over.

Clint: You can certainly try.

Griffin: Well, I disconnected him from Mary, right? That was the thing I did with the DDOS attack. And so, I won’t be- I don’t think I would be contesting her, I will be contesting the Goliath.

Clint: So basically you’d be duplicating her superpower with your hacking skills.

Griffin: Uh, I don’t know about that but I just wanna take control of the Goliath with my hacking skills.

Travis: I don’t know about that, but yes.

Griffin: But yes.

Clint: Go for it.

Griffin: Please, god, please. Yes! That is a three with the roll, plus two for my hacking skill.

Justin: Yeah.

Clint: Okay, that’s a three.

Justin: Holy shit.

Griffin: Alright, I got a five.

Clint: Alright, here’s what I’m gonna do, here’s what I will say. Your attempt to take control partially works, and it, basically what happens is even more systems fail, and the Goliath goes down on the other knee still waving his shield and spear.

Griffin: But I don’t have control over him?

Clint: You took control of his legs. I’m not gonna grant you her superpower.

Griffin: Okay, but I have control of his legs.

Clint: Yes.

Griffin: Okay, fantastic.

Clint: Now it’s Goliath. It’s just completely enraged, thrashing around with its arms, takes its spear and jams it back over its shoulder-

Travis: Like a back scratcher.

Clint: Yeah, except it’s trying to get to your back through your front, jabs the spear at Nadiya, and [Travis: Okay.] with the, if I invoke the aspects, and with the roll, that is a six.

Travis: Cool. I have five minus one, so four. Yeah, you know I’m gonna take that hit. I’m gonna take that hit.

Clint: So, it would ordinarily probably with a flesh and blood person, would’ve killed them. But, with your pliable, flexible skin, where do you want it? Where do you want the spear to pierce you?

Travis: I’m just gonna go ahead and take a mild consequence, and maybe get it, like a graze on the ribs?

Clint: Okay.

Travis: You know?

Griffin: So like, bleeding or cut? [crosstalk]

Clint: I think with the two, I think you get pierced. I think he gets pierced.

Griffin: So like stab stabbed, or pierced?

Clint: Stabbed in the ribs.

Travis: Well, so a two consequence is mild, I don’t want any like internal organs pierced or anything.

Clint: Well yeah, but you’ve got this amazing wonder-skin.

Travis: I do, thank you. I moisturize. Okay, yeah I’ll take a piercing without any internal organ damage.

Griffin: A mild piercing.

Travis: A mild piercing, it’s not quite a gauge.

Griffin: So, to explain what just happened Travis did not take physical stress, but instead elected to take a consequence, which is an aspect that dad can use against him in the future.

Travis: Yeah, so my ribs are kinda pierced in a very biblical reference.

Clint: Okay, Kardala–

Griffin: Uh, actually the Goliath stands up. I got it’s legs. [Clint: Okay] And, just runs as fast as fucking possible into a wall.

Clint: I’ll allow it. The goliath jumps up, is very confused, goes and runs smack dab into a wall, and careens back almost to the exact same point.

Griffin: Uh, take some stress for that?

Clint: Yeah, takes two stress.

Griffin: Alright.

Clint: And now it’s Kardala.

Kardala: You are very silly giant, I don’t understand your strategy-

[Clint imitates Goliath growling]

Kardala: Indeed, indeed.

Travis: A Goliath could talk, I mean okay, this is fine. It’s fine.

Justin: Like, I can move in a action right? I can move one zone and have it not count as my action?

Clint: I think in this case, I think any movement you make is justifiable.

Griffin: Yeah, you can move as part of an action. One, one zone.

Justin: Okay so, describe the scene for me as Kardala is seeing it right now cause we’ve been doing a lot.

Clint: Okay, so you’ve got Nadiya hanging off the back trying to get at Mary inside, you’ve got Remy up on the east arch trying to, oh the west arch trying to hack [Griffin: [crosstalk] Just CSI cybering the hell out of this whole situation.] The Goliath ran into a wall, and came bouncing back and is basically standing right in front of you.

Justin: Okay, perfect.

Kardala: I attempted your bible story and it was uneffective. But let it be known that I am a team player. Now, I will read to you from Kardala 1:1

Justin: And I punch it in the stomach. It’s a very active kinetic bible.

Clint: In the beginning, Kardala punched in the stomach [crosstalk]

Griffin: [crosstalk] It’s more like a workout–

Travis: [crosstalk] You can find more experience than read, really.

Justin: Yeah, that is a four.

Clint: That is a minus three. [crosstalk]

Travis: [crosstalk] Holy shit-

Griffin: [crosstalk] Hachi machi, that’s a shift of seven.

Clint: [crosstalk] Well, you’d roll a–

Justin: Well no, wouldn’t you add your fight skill to that?

Clint: That would be four, so it’s only one.

Justin: One, okay perfect.

Griffin: You have a boost too, don’t you? [Justin: Oh, yeah.] Yeah, that’s three dog. That’s a three two.

Justin: Oh that’s true!

Kardala: I am also still very angry that your stone throwing didn’t work.

Justin: So I’m adding two to that.

Remy: It’s probably cause you used ice! You gotta use a rock like the bible said!
Kardala: Thank you little man.

Justin: That’s a six, that’s a six.

Clint: Oh, wow.

Griffin: That’s a shift of five. [crosstalk]

Justin: Shift of five.

Clint: Shift of five.

Travis: That’s up into that severe consequence range if you wanna take that? Or…

Clint: I think that’s about all the Goliath can take, and not only does it hit him in the stomach, it goes right into one of those open gaps where because of age and because of deterioration in the machine, it goes right into the machinery. Almost gets to Mary, almost physically gets to Mary, but the force pushes her back even more and shatters what I guess would be the Goliath’s mechanical spine, and those precious legs that Remy wanted so bad.

Remy: My beautiful legs!

Clint: Completely fold up, the Goliath sinks down and starts to fall forward.

Griffin: Nadiya?

Travis: Do I wanna knock Mary out or get her out of Goliath?

Clint: I think that this, what just happened to the Goliath, with the feedback loop and everything else, she’s pretty well knocked out.

Travis: Okay, cool. I’m gonna try something that I wanna see if it works or not. I’m gonna like throw a grappling hook to the, one of the entrances, is there any overhanging bars or anything?

Clint: Yeah, there’s like a great big stone archway over each one of them.

Travis: Yeah, I’m gonna hook down like pull us out, you know? Pull us out of there. [Clint: Alright.] Give myself some leverage.

Clint: Do it!

Griffin: You’re trying to pull her out with-?


Travis: Yeah, I’ve got like the back of her collar, you know, I’ve got like a good grip on her, and I’m like pulling us out. You know? I’m getting us out of there as it falls, as the Goliath goes down, you know.

Clint: Very dramatic.

Travis: Yeah. Very dramatic. And it’s a plus two, so…

Griffin: Yay, Travis’s first positive roll of the day.

Travis: Yay for me! And so, plus two-

Clint: Describe it, describe it.

Travis: So, as the Goliath is going down, throw the grappling hook, grab the back of her collar, and like more than like kinda pulling us out, the Goliath just kinda continues to topple and we, you know, we swing out of it and lower down to kinda lay her out on the ground as the Goliath continues to fall around us.

Clint: And when the Goliath hits the ground, man, I mean it just practically explodes. Parts go flying everywhere, sparks go flying everywhere, and everything is still. You have defeated my Goliath puzzle.

Travis, Griffin, and Justin: Yaaay!

Griffin: Can I- Can I, I think I still have my laptop open and I still have the chat window with Mary, and I think I just chat like type in:

Remy: You still there?

Clint: Nothing.

Griffin: Okay. I think I type in like:

Remy: You’re gonna be okay. I promise we’ll keep you safe. We’re gonna get you some help. I… Just trust us.

Clint: You take Mary, pick her up, and you all trudge back through poor Hallelughland, which is a little looking worse for wear, you pass by John the Baptist head, there’s nothing.

Griffin: I pick up the head, and I’m just carrying the head also. I’m also interested in the head it’s a cool robot head. I’m into that.

Clint: Alright, and you make it back to the skimmer, you punch in the return coordinates, the skimmer-

Griffin: In the skimmer, I take the head and I’m puppeteering with it like-

Remy as John the Baptist: I thought that first mission went pretty good, what do you guys think? I like you guys.

Clint: So you take a few minutes, enjoy a couple of leftover strombolis, the skimmer goes zooming over the Gulf of Mexico, and finally arrives back at the Berg. Following the programming it lands on the landing pad on the- in the security branch, is where it comes down. And, Martin and Sylvane are there waiting for you as you touch down on the pad, you see the first manifestation of Sylvane’s power, he is like super fast, and is just all the sudden, almost like appears right there as you guys come out of the skimmer. And you notice he’s loaded down with these big bodacious knives and bladed weapons. And as he takes Mary off your hands, Martin says:

Martin: Nice work! I approve of the extreme violence! Your debriefing is going to be in the security conference room, just take that elevator right there down to the fifth floor,
Remy: Ah yeah. Elevator.

just go right down the elevator and you can have your debriefing.

Remy: What are you gonna do with her? Cause I did promise that nothing bad was gonna happen, that we were gonna get her some help. She would be safe. Is that- ? You’re not gonna hurt her in any way? You’re just gonna try to help-
Martin: Oh no! She’s one of ours.

Griffin: I’m gonna roll empathy against that just to make sure they’re not lying.

Clint: Yeah, do it.

Griffin: That’s a four.

Travis: You rolled a two, plus two-

Griffin: I rolled a two plus two, that’s four

Clint: One, two-

Travis: Buckle my shoe.

Clint: So that’s a five. (crosstalk)

Travis: You’ll never know.

Griffin: Okay.

Martin: No, I’m telling you. No harm will come to Mary.

Clint: So, you guys grumble about a little bit because you would probably like to have a little break. You go down the elevator to the fifth floor, and you walk into a large, dark room. And there’s like one light in this room, and it’s shining down on a man sitting in a large stone chair in the back of the- well, I say sitting. He’s kinda lounging on it. Very nonchalant. He’s got one leg draped over one of the arms, he’s leaning back on the other arm, and he’s kinda in silhouette, you can’t really make him out. But, he starts to slowclap. And he says, uh:

Man: Amazing! Ha! [slowclaps] You clowns actually pulled it off!
Remy: That’s mean.
Man: Ha ha! Color me impressed, man. Color me impressed.

Travis: It’s probably Benjamin Franklin.

Griffin: Is it Benny Franks?

Man: How are you guys doing? I’m very proud of you, you did a good job for me.
Nadiya: Okay, cause you did say clowns.
Remy: Yeah. Clowns is a little-
Man: Oh, I, that’s just me. That’s just me just fooling around with you, no you’re not clowns at all. You did a spectacular job. Really, I am so proud of you. You really pulled it off. You did better than I expected, how’s that?
Remy: I mean, it’s still kinda-
Nadiya: Fuck off?
Remy: A little underhanded, yeah-

[End music fades in]

Nadiya: Cool, who are you?
Man: My name is Richard! Oh well, that’s my name. Who am I? [chuckles] I’m the fuckin’ king of the USA!

[End theme music]

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