Bureau of Balance

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Here there be spoilers!

Proceed at your own risk if you have not yet listened to Episode 69 and beyond.

The Bureau of Balance, later renamed the Bureau of Benevolence, is a group established a year before the events of the Balance campaign, originally dedicated to destroying the Grand Relics that would allow a group or person to gain so much power they could wreak havoc against others. The bureau's base is in what appeared to be a moon from the world below. Along with player characters Magnus Burnsides, Taako, and Merle Highchurch (who are assigned as Reclaimers within the bureau), the NPCs Killian, Carey Fangbattle and others are Regulators with the bureau, seeking out Grand Relics on their behalf.

Following the Day of Story and Song, they have rebranded themselves as a humanitarian organization working to rebuild the cities destroyed in The Hunger's attack and provide aid to those who have been displaced.

Most members of the Bureau wear blue and white uniforms that look almost militaristic, except for Johann, who wears colorful bard garb.

Voidfish and Secretsedit | hide all | hide | edit source

The bureau is also home to The Voidfish, a creature used to wipe out specific memories of all people. Upon drinking from the Voidfish's tank, the drinker becomes aware of all of the memories that the Voidfish is aware of, but had been previously stricken from the mind of the drinker. When someone erased from a person's mind is discussed, their brain cannot process the information, and they hear a static-like sound instead. If they later drink from the Voidfish's tank, they will remember what was said.

Headquartersedit | hide | edit source

The Bureau of Balance headquarters is located on a floating moonbase designed by Lucas Miller. (Residents of Faerun just think it's the second moon). Areas in the Bureau of Balance headquarters have a lot of geodesic and ornate dome-shaped structures made of glass. Specific areas on the campus of the Bureau of Balance include:

  • Main Hangar Bay: a giant geodesic dome with big cannons on one side for shooting the glass spheres that the Bureau uses for traveling down to the main earth. Avi hangs out there most of the time.
  • Quad: A lush, grassy quad in the middle of the moonbase. It has the best grass.
  • Voidfish's Quarters: The entrance to the Voidfish's chamber is a shallow dome with an obelisk sticking out of it, and an elevator column within. A BoB bracer can call the elevator, which leads to the Voidfish's chamber. The elevator opens into a chamber with plenty of guards. Through a door on the other end lays the Voidfish's chamber, a dark room with only a giant tank that stretches up several stories to the ceiling. Inside the tank: the Voidfish. There is a slot at the bottom of the tank where Johann can feed the Voidfish his original compositions. There is also a spigot, from which people can drink the Voidfish ichor to become inoculated to the knowledge of the Bureau of Balance.
  • The Director's Office: Within the grandest dome is the Director's Office. It's reminiscent of a throne room with a dais,[1] and the carpet magically repels dirt. A door in the wall leads to a Cerebro-like chamber visible from a giant window in the office (when not in use, the window is covered with a curtain).
  • The Arena! As heard in Ep. 8, there is an arena for the administration of the test to join the Bureau. The arena is circular and has three large iron lattice gates leading in. There is a giant stone pillar that reaches from the center of the arena floor to the roof. There is an alcove on the outside wall, about 20 feet up, with a mounted canon with a driver's seat. The canon has four rows of glass balls and each of those is filled with a different color of fluid. There's also a skybridge (80 ft long, 6 ft wide) above the arena with a metal pedestal in the middle. The pedestal has a big red button, which would administer a shock to the other two positions.
  • Fantasy Costco: An independent retailer and the only non-dome building on the moon. Garfield the Deals Warlock presides over these good, good deals.
  • Fantasy Gashapon: From the Arena, head to the third dome on the right. Inside that dome is actually a smaller dome, inside of that dome is the chamber of Leon the Artificer.
  • Chug N Squeeze

Rolesedit | hide | edit source

The Bureau of Balance has three main roles for those engaged in the mission to destroy the Grand Relics.

Reclaimersedit | hide | edit source

The main task of the Reclaimers is to hunt down and retrieve Grand Relics. The Tres Horny Boys are three such Reclaimers. There were an unknown number of members in this role prior to the events of the show, but as of Balance – Episode 28: Lunar Interlude II: Internal Affairs, all of them aside from the THB had been reassigned to different roles, leaving Magnus, Taako, and Merle as the only Reclaimers at the Bureau of Balance.

Seekersedit | hide | edit source

Seekers look for any information regarding the Relics, but are forbidden from claiming them for themselves.

Regulatorsedit | hide | edit source

Regulators' main task is to hunt down and apprehend creatures who have found or used a Grand Relic. They may also act as bodyguards for the Reclaimers.

Rulesedit | hide | edit source

The Bureau of Balance maintains a strict no-dog policy on the base, due to the high number of dogs that have escaped the base's gravity. The Bureau also forbids the direct sale, trade, or gifting of magical items between Bureau of Balance employees; the loophole to this rule is that items can be traded or sold through games of chance, or through independent merchants. The Bureau does not encourage murder of non-employees in Faerun, but does not forbid it.

Official Bureau of Balance health plan: don't die.

Membersedit | hide | edit source

Name Position Status
Angus McDonald Seeker Active
Avi Launch Specialist Active
Boyland Regulator Deceased
Brad Bradson HR Manager Active
Capt. Captain Bane Seeker Defected, deceased
Carey Fangbattle Regulator Active
Davenport Ward/Butler No longer associated
Garfield the Deals Warlock Independent Merchant Selling his wares elsewhere
Johann Gamekeeper Deceased
Killian Regulator Active
Leeman Kessler Reclaimer Deceased
Leon Resident Artificer Active
Lucas Miller Consultant No longer associated
Lucretia/Madam Director Director Active
Magic Brian Seeker Defected, deceased
Magnus Burnsides Captain Reclaimer Active
Merle Highchurch Doc Reclaimer Active
NO-3113 Regulator Deceased
Robbie Snack Provider Active (Formerly imprisoned, reinstated)
Taako Lead Reclaimer Active
Fisher Voidfish Retired
Junior Voidfish Retired

Triviaedit | hide | edit source

  1. According to Madam Director, the Bureau of Balance was once known as the "Bureau of Outstanding Balance" (a.k.a. the B.O.O.B.). It is unknown when the shift was made or if Lucretia was just making a goof [2].
  2. Garfield the Deals Warlock is not technically a member, he just owns a Fantasy Costco there. How he can understand any of them is truly a mystery.

Referencesedit | hide | edit source

  1. "A fancy-ass platform," according to Griffin in Ep. 8.
  2. Episode 39: The Crystal Kingdom.
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