Balance – Episode 10: Murder on the Rockport Limited: Chapter One

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Are you not entertained? And if you are, why don't you make it rain on our ass? It's a MaxFunDrive Adventure Zone!

—The Announcer

"Murder on the Rockport Limited: Chapter One," as it appears on the MaximumFun website, is the tenth episode of The Adventure Zone, from the arc which would later be named Balance.

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Full transcript available here.

Our heroes are sent out on their first mission as Reclaimers for the Bureau of Balance. Their initial task is an impossible one: Do they possess the competence required to be on time for a train? The answer may surprise you, but — no, actually, it probably won’t.

It has been about three weeks since Taako, Merle and Magnus have been taken on as a team of reclaimers. They have been assigned an entry-level dormitory on base, which they share with a halfling named Robbie. The reclaimers are awakened at about 3:00 AM by a summon from Davenport over the intercom. Before heading to the briefing room, Magnus asks Robbie for a "hair of the dog potion" which he receives. Robbie also asks for some Pringles and for them to return an overdue DVD for him while they're out. They agree to the former, but not the latter.

In the briefing room, The Director informs the party that one of their Reclaimers, Leeman Kesler, had successfully acquired a Grand Relic and loaded it onto a train before being murdered. She tells our heroes that one of them has to impersonate Leeman while the other two ensure he is not also murdered, in order to secure the Grand Relic and bring it safely back.

With the briefing over, the boys head to the hangar to begin their mission. Unfortunately for Magnus, in order to get past TSA, he is forced to slam down his hair of the dog potion, leaving him a drunken mess for most of the episode. After managing to wear down Avi, who clearly doesn't want to shoot Magnus out of a cannon with the state he's in, the boys get into the glass spheres they came into the Bureau of Balance in. Taako takes over the duty of landing the sphere safely onto the ground, and they are shot out of a cannon, an experience that immediately sobers up Magnus.

[Money Zone]

As they are flying through the air, Merle, Magnus, and Taako get a pretty good view of the sun setting over the mountain range. The sphere soon starts to descend onto their destination, and, in order to avoid a flock of pegasi flying beneath them, Taako pulls on the handle in front of him, causing a silvery light to encase the sphere. The sphere's descent starts to slow, but, because the handle was pulled too early, its trajectory is now wildly off. Instead of a lush, soft, green pasture outside of Rockport, the sphere has now landed into a swamp, a few miles away from Rockport.

Finding themselves trapped in a glass sphere that is slowly sinking into the swamp's mud, the boys attempt to come up with an escape plan. Using his Phantom Fist, Magnus smashes a man-sized hole through the sphere, and they all manage to escape in time. Taako casts Ray of Frost on the area around the sphere and prevents it from sinking any further into the swamp. As they prepare for the long trek back to Rockport, Magnus sees a green, slimy eyestalk pop out of the canopy of a tree, and quickly disappear. Suddenly, more eyestalks begin to appear, and, one at a time, three dark green leeches come out of hiding and start attacking. Merle casts Thorn Whip on the one in the middle, doing 6 damage to it. Magnus, using Railsplitter, cuts through the tree two of the leeches were on, causing it to topple over and crush one of them. Meanwhile, in real life, Clint enjoys some salty popcorn.

[End of Episode]

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