Amnesty – Episode 3

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"Amnesty: Episode 3," as it appears on the MaximumFun website, is the third episode of The Adventure Zone: Amnesty.

Synopsisedit | hide all | hide | edit source

Full transcript available here.

Fate draws our heroes towards the same spot in the Monongahela National Forest, where, at long last, their destinies entwine. Ned has a remarkable dream. Duck travels to a strange land. Aubrey starts a fire.

Edmund "Ned" Chicaneedit | hide | edit source

Barclay, now in his Bigfoot form, races towards and tackles the monster bobcat a couple dozen yards in front of Ned, who kicks off his snowshoes and gloves and jumps behind the wheel of his car. Ned, a hundred percent convinced he is in a dream and ready to live like he is in one, puts his Lincoln Continental in drive and guns it towards the Barclay and bobcat.

GRIFFIN : O...kay. Um… are you trying to hit both of them?
CLINT : I am going to drive straight for them and hope that Barclay is able to either roll away or-
TRAVIS : "So, did you listen to that new Adventure Zone?” “Yeah, I really liked it, then Dad killed Bigfoot?”
GRIFFIN : "Who was, like, a dude? And then...”
TRAVIS : "Who he spoke to, and was already a fan-favorite, but now he’s dead, I guess!”

Acting Under Pressure, Ned drives towards the two monsters, and Barclay, seeing the headlights of the car heading towards him, pushes the bobcat off of him with his foot, flinging it backward, and rolls out of the way as the bobcat slams into and rolls over the hood of the car. Ned does a sweet move where he changes the gear shift and slams the brakes causing the car to curve and slide right beside Barclay, and, looking through his rearview mirror, he sees some black fluid shoot out of the body defeated bobcat and group back together and quickly slither away into the forest.

NED: Hahaha! How hideously obnoxious! (chuckles) I love this dream!

A seriously wounded Barclay reverts back to his human form and lumbers over to where to Ned and asks him to drive him to the Amnesty Lodge so he can get some medical help.

BARCLAY: I can explain everything when we get there.
NED: Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go to a vet?

Barclay chuckles a bit at Ned's goof, stopping himself when it begins to hurt, and explains that, for obvious reasons, he can't get help from any medical practitioners in Kepler. As he's talking, two more bobcats skulk out of the forest and towards the car. Seeing this, Ned throws the car into reverse, and the two of them head into the woods and towards Amnesty Lodge.

NED: Yoinks! And away!

Duck Newtonedit | hide | edit source

Duck steps through the gate and into another world. After stepping through, Duck's vision starts to become slightly disoriented and he becomes slightly sick, and, for some reason, angry. Despite being somewhat disorientated, Duck is able to notice a few things about his new surroundings. Behind him is another stone gate identical to the one he just entered that is enclosed inside of another, large stone structure. There are massive pillars propping up the ceiling overhead, and through these pillars, Duck is able to faintly make out some bright colorful shapes in the distance and some round buildings. Beyond these buildings is a massive castle with a large orange shape jutting out of the ground just in front of it. As he assesses his situation, anger continues to build inside Duck at an alarming rate. Two figures standing in front of a pillar notice Duck's presence with surprise and they shock him unconscious with rods.

Duck awakens bound to a chair positioned in front of a wooden table in a dark, small room; a scarf-like thing wrapped around his neck by his captors, and, for whatever reason, the anger and disorientation he felt when he entered this place now gone. Seated across from Duck is a helmeted person in a large set of chainmail armor and covered by a tabard featuring an orange crystal radiating light in every direction who immediately addresses him.

FIGURE: You’re in a lot of trouble right now, but I want you to know that I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Because based on your outfit, I’m guessing you’re part of some sort of local woodland army, or forest militia, or something like that.
DUCK: Yeah, that’ll do.

The figure explains that they're also a man of the law and makes the assumption that Duck stumbled through the gate accidentally, which he confirms, and they ask him for his name, which he gives them.

VINCENT: Excellent name, powerful name. I’m Vincent.

Vincent asks Duck if the reason he knew about the gate was that Mama told him of it, but Duck denies knowing anyone of the name Mama and explains that it appeared to him as he was being pursued by a "large, non-earth bear" in the woods. Vincent writes all this information down in his notepad, almost if he were taking a statement.

VINCENT: A big, non-earth bear, huh? Well it sounds like Mama’s maybe not keepin’ up her end of the bargain, but I guess we’ll circle back on that later.

Vincent explains to Duck that he can't allow him to leave until they figure out just how he found the gate. He then removes his helmet and places it gently on the table, revealing the face of a goat underneath. Vincent informs that his world and Duck's have an uneasy truce that involves his world keeping the existence of Sylvain a secret, hence why he's so adamant on keeping Duck captive until he explains how he found out about the gate. Duck then explains to Vincent about the spirit guide who keeps bugging him about his destiny and how she might have been the one who opened the gate to him.

GRIFFIN: He is writing all this down in his notebook, and he kinda chews on the end of his pencil. And he catches himself chewing on it a little bit too much, and then he like pulls it out of his mouth, and he looks a little bit sheepish. Or goatish.
JUSTIN: Goatish, thank you.

Vincent has no idea what to make of this, as Silvane isn't necessarily big on prophecies and heroes of legends fighting evil, and decides to let bygones be bygones and allows Duck to pass back through the gate and into his homeworld unhindered as long as he promises to forget everything he's seen tonight and not tell anyone about it. Duck promises to, as forgetting about weird shit is right below preserving the forest and the wildlife within in his list of skills, and he asks about the scarf-like thing wrapped around his neck. Vincent tells him that cloth is his and explains that a human will lose it and become extremely aggressive if they're not wearing a garment from Silvane while in this world.

DUCK: So technically I guess it’d be mohair, right? I mean, if you made it yourself. Is this your own—?
VINCENT: No, God, it’s not from my— Jesus. It’s not from my— That would be pretty gross. No, it’s mine. I wear it to keep warm. It’s not from my fur, Duck.

Vincent warns Duck that he's not the type to forgive someone who has backed out on a promise so Duck suggests they shake on it. Vincent removes his gauntlet and extends his human-like hand, surprising Duck as it clashes with the rest of his goat body, and the two of them shake hands.

Aubrey Littleedit | hide | edit source

Aubrey, minus Dr. Bonkers who she left behind with Dani, walks through the woods behind Amnesty Lodge with Mama, who is carrying an oil lantern in one hand as she leads her swiftly through the pines. Mama explains to her that there's something she needs her to see and that she needs her to promise on her life not to tell another soul about what she's seen tonight, as doing so could have repercussions for the rest of the world.

AUBREY : Mama, not only do I swear on my life, I swear on the life of Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD.

Mama tells Aubrey about Sylvain, a world separate from ours that runs on magic and uses that magic to sustain its inhabitants, naturally making them very protective of the world they live in. Throughout history and for unknown reasons, gates to this world have been appearing in various places on Earth, allowing humans to cross over and cause all sorts of problems. This has had the side effect of causing a bit of blood between humans and the Sylph's, and also creating beings that Mama calls "Abominations". As tensions got worse between humans and the Sylphs, the stricter laws became in Sylvain in regards to governing who can and can't live there. As for the outcasts in Sylvain who have nowhere else to go, Mama makes sure to provide a safe place for them at the Amnesty Lodge.

MAMA: And Aubrey, I don’t know nothin’ about your life and what you want from it, but you could be safe there too, I think. Somehow you fit into this picture, I know it.

After about twenty minutes of trekking, Aubrey and Mama enter a clearing carpeted by pine needles splayed out in a peculiar pattern. In the center of this clearing is the gate to Silvane. Mama assumes that Aubrey can't see the gate, only to be surprised when she acknowledes 'the Stonehenge thing'.

MAMA: You… you can already see it?
AUBREY: ‘In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history’… have you not seen Spinal Tap?

A frustrated Mama puts her hands to her temples, the go-to move for any Adventure Zone NPC, and tries to explain to Aubrey, who continues to make This Is Spinal Tap references, that she shouldn't be able to see it because of an enchantment that prevents humans from seeing the gate unless they're told about it by another. Mama takes a moment to ponder this mystery and the clearing is suddenly illuminated by the headlights of Ned's car.

Back in the car, Barclay warns Ned to watch out for the gate, which Ned cannot see. Ned Acts Under Pressure and slams on the brakes, causing the car to careen to a halt as he drives into this clearing. The car continues to slowly skid to a halt before running into the gate, which slightly busts the fender a bit. Barclay hops out of the car and greets Mama and introduces himself to Aubrey.

MAMA: So, uh, what brings you out into the woods in the middle of the night with Ned fuckin’ Chicane, Barclay?
NED: How did you know my middle name?
BARCLAY : He’s, uh, he’s seen a lot tonight, Mama. I think we’ve gotta tell--wait, wait, what are you doing in the woods with her?
MAMA: All right, look. Things are getting a little bit outta hand tonight. We’ve kept this gate a secret for--

Suddenly, Ned is able to see the gate pressed into the fender of his Continental. Mama realizes what she's just done and tries explains to Ned that she needs no else to know about the gate, lest there be dire consequences for the entirety of Kepler. At this moment, Duck steps out of the gate and into the clearing, where he is greeted by the shocked and dumbfounded looks of everyone there, especially from Barclay and Mama.

DUCK: Uh, I’m District Ranger Duck Newton--it’s a nickname--and, uh, ma’am, I’m going to need you to extinguish that flame, please.
AUBREY: Oh, yeah! ‘Pschoo’! [extinguishes the flame in her hand]

Mama exasperatedly asks how and why Duck went through the gate, and he tells her he was being chased by a "big spooky bear". Barclay confirms this by telling Mama about his run-in with the bobcats. Mama sighs and resigns herself to her situation and tells the others to stay put while she and Barclay go over to Silvane to smooth over any possible diplomatic damage Duck has done. She then pulls a compact mirror out of the pocket of her duster and uses it to reflect the moonlight onto the gate, causing wind to pick up and the span of the archway to fill up with light. Before heading into the light, Mama assigns Aubrey the task of making sure Ned and Aubrey don't try and run off.

AUBREY: Yeah! If they try to run off, I’ll… burn them to the ground?
MAMA: Well, don’t, no, don’t--come on.
AUBREY: Okay, no. I--even as I was saying it, I knew that it was too much.

Mama and Barclay disappear into the light, and the wind stops, and the light inside the archway disappear.

GRIFFIN: And now it’s just the three of you standing in the middle of this clearing, in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night.

[Money Zone]

The Gangs All Hereedit | hide | edit source

NED: Welcome to my fucking awesome dream, Duck.
DUCK: Well, I hate to break it to ya I don’t think you are technically dreaming, Ned. Unless it’s one of those shared dreams. I saw on Dr. Oz some people… anyways.
NED: Oh I saw that one! So you’re trying to tell me this is real? Holy shit!
AUBREY: I mean “real” is really a relative term if you think about it.

Duck and Aubrey have a nice chat after he remembers her from the time he busted her down at Laurel Fork, and he acknowledges the elephant in the room and asks Ned why he's in a Chewbacca costume. Ned gives them the truth, that he was faking footage of Bigfoot in order to attract customers, and goes off to finally get out of his costume while Duck and Aubrey continue to converse. As Ned is in the middle of stepping out of the costume, they hear a deep guttural sigh from the edge of the clearing and all three of them turn to see the beast ten yards away from them. A roar comes from one of the heads of the beast, which is eight feet tall and seems to be made up of the pelts of various forest animals, such as wolves and deer, which jutt out from the beast and are all glued together by black goo, the same goo Ned saw oozing out of the bobcats, in order to form some sort of shell or carapace.

The beast charges at the trio. Ned searches through the trunk of his car and pulls out a walking stick with a heavy brass knob at the end, which he tosses to Duck. Acting Under Pressure, Duck scoops up Mama's oil lantern that she left behind and runs over to side of the gate and attempts to get the beast to charge towards him.

DUCK: Woo-hoo! Come here! Come on, dumb dumbs! Right over here!

The beast, unable to see the gate, charges at Duck and slams right into it. However, it still manages to jab Duck with the antlers of the elk head on its shoulder, which, thanks to his Invincibility, doesn't do much. Aubrey takes the lit lantern from Duck and chucks it at the face of the beast, shattering the lantern and covering the beast in oil. The fire spreads and lights the beast's pelt ablaze, enraging it and causing it to roar and charge at Aubrey. Ned searches through his trunk again and pulls out a jug of shit collected from the Cryptonomica's septic tank, and he runs over to the beast and throws it in the air. The jug arcs towards the path in front of the beast, and it hits the ground and shatters, unleashing a terrible stench but ultimately doing nothing.

NED: Huh. No methane. Well, it was a great idea.

Fortunately, the jug had a few animal droppings in it and the scent of a bunch of different animals forces it drop everything it's doing and start sniffing around for more prey. With the beast distracted, Aubrey enchants the walking stick Duck is holding with her magic. Now holding an enchanted walking stick that's also on fire, Duck decides to Kick Some Ass by bringing the brass end of the stick down on the skull of one of the beast's many heads, specifically the bear one. The beast whips around and it picks Duck up with its shoulder antlers and tosses him a feet away. At this moment, having come face-to-face with a beast that defies every natural order in the world, the trio are struck with this remarkable feeling, a kind of inexplicable assurance, that they can do this, that they can beat this monster.

GRIFFIN : And then Ned, you feel something fall and tap on your shoulder, and Aubrey you feel it too, in your hair, kind of dripping cold down the back of your neck. And Duck, you see the trees start to sway, in a manner you’ve seen countless times during your patrols of these woods. And there’s a peal of thunder overhead, and then the skies open up. And this sudden storm is bashing against the roof of the Continental, and it douses the flames that were spreading across the beast, which looks up at the sky and then, with otherworldly malice, back down at the three of you.

[Theme Tune Plays]

Featured NPCsedit | hide | edit source

Featured Musicedit | hide | edit source

Featured Locationsedit | hide | edit source

Quotesedit | hide | edit source

Me Too, Clintedit | hide | edit source

CLINT: [referring to Vincent] Oh my god, it’s Pan. [nearly in tears] It’s Pan!

TAZ Amnesty Episodes

Hunt for the Beast:
Episode 1 | Episode 2 | Episode 3 | Episode 4 | Episode 5

Hunt for the Water:
Episode 6 | Episode 7 | Episode 8 | Episode 9 | Episode 10 | Episode 11 | Episode 12

Hunt for the Calamity:
Episode 13 | Episode 14 | Episode 15 | Episode 16 | Episode 17 | Episode 18 | Episode 19 | Episode 20

Hunt for the Countenance:
Episode 21 | Episode 22 | Episode 23 | Episode 24 | Episode 25 | Episode 26 | Episode 27 | Episode 28 | Episode 29

Episode 30 | Episode 31 | Episode 32 | Episode 33 | Episode 34 | Episode 35 | Episode 36

Italicized episodes are Lunar/Lodger Interludes.

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