Amnesty – Episode 14/Transcript

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Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

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Griffin: Previously, on the Adventure Zone…

Griffin: Aubrey we see you and you're back in your childhood home, several years ago. You are leaving it tomorrow. And then we see a car pull up just in front of your house with its lights off, with two figures silhouetted from within.

Duck: A friend of mine. He died last night, and there wasn't any foul play or anything suspected.

Ned: Looks like a bottle of Gatorade went behind the brake pedal and so... this really does look like an accident.

Griffin: You all see a figure on the side of the road wearing a brown robe. It's got these two large bags. There is a payphone, and it starts to ring.

Duck: Go for Duck.

Voice: In three minutes, your friend Leo Tarkesian is going to die. He will be crushed to death, as will the two customers currently shopping in his store. You might want to do something about that.

[Theme music (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty Theme by Griffin McElroy) plays]

Griffin: The voice on the other end of the phone hangs up, Duck. And a stiff breeze blows down Kepler's main drag sending snow swirling around nearby buildings— the Pizza Hut, Dave's Dehumidifier Depot, and Leo's General Store, where he and his customers will apparently be crushed to death in a little under three minutes. What do you do?

Justin: How far away is it from here to there?

Griffin: So you are speaking, or you are currently holding the receiver of a payphone on the side of the road. You had just sort of passed the stretch with those businesses that I just mentioned, and I would say that you are probably about 100ft away. Not too far.

Duck: Alright, y'all, I need help now. I need— Aubrey, Ned, I need your help.

Aubrey: What? What do you need?

Duck: I need you all to help me clear Mr. Tarkesian's store. I just got a weird call that they're about to get—

Aubrey: Let's go!

Duck: —crushed. Alright. Good good good. Come on.

Ned: Okay.

Griffin: Jake says,

Jake: Do you need me on this too, or what's— what do you need?

Duck: Hell yeah, Jake. Just try to stay out of the way, man.

Travis: So I'm going to have Aubrey do a blast of heat to try to clear the snow. Right. Is there snow? Is it a hazard to run there?

Griffin: No. It may get in the way a little bit, but I don't know that it's bad enough that you need to— You are— I want to paint the scene for you. You're in the middle of the street, and there's maybe not anybody immediately around, but if you're gonna fucking, you know, go heat vision just to clear some snow in front of you... You can do that if you want, but it would be risky.

Travis: Okay then, instead she's gonna say,

Aubrey: Go go magic powers!

Travis: —and start running.

Griffin: Okay.

[Clint laughing]

Travis: So that's “Do one thing that is beyond human limitations.”

Griffin: What are you doing?

Travis: I'm running like the wind, Griffin, using my wind powers to buffer— to push me forward.

Griffin: I'm gonna push back on that 'cause I think that this— we need to maybe narrowly define "something beyond human limitations" 'cause if we say, like, you can get super speed whenever you want, that seems like— that seems like a pretty drastic sort of—

Travis: Can I push— push Duck forward?

Griffin: Sure, yeah. If you want to launch Duck forward— the blast of wind. I would allow that.

Travis: Let's go with that.

Griffin: Okay

Justin: So I'm running, I think the visual is, I'm running and he just blasts me from behind [laughing]

Griffin: Yeah, okay.

Justin: Alright, go ahead and do it.

Travis: So I rolled a nine plus two—

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: —so that's 11.

Griffin: So if that was a Use Magic, then you achieve your desired effect. Describe this.

Travis: So, like, as Duck is running I'm going to say, like— imagine, you know, like a strong wind. This is not a light breeze, as you described. This is like whoa, and it's going to propel him forward at a fast rate.

Duck: Guys! Look! I've awakened some sort of latent ability!

Aubrey: Okay just go, Duck!

Duck: Another one of my powers has returned! I never knew, but I'm incredibly fast!

Ned: Think happy thoughts, Duck! Think happy thoughts!

Duck: I'm trying, Ned, I'm trying. I don't know what's making this work, but look at me go! Holy shit, man!

Clint: Ned's going to Read a Bad Situation.

Griffin: Okay. I like that, so— I'm just trying to— because everything is kind of happening in real time and we do have a sort of very specific time table we're working with here, just to paint this scene, Duck is now flying full speed with the wind at his back towards—

Justin: Am I off my feet?

Griffin: I don't know, are you?

Justin: I didn't feel like I was. It felt like I was just running really fast.

Griffin: Yeah, I feel like for you it's like you're running down a hill really fast, and you know how— like that feeling of, like, you're running down a hill and you're like oh shit how do I stop? Like you have a lot of momentum but I don't think you're like Peter Pan flying.

Travis: And I rolled really good. So like [crosstalk] you're cool

Griffin: Yeah you're doing good. So Aubrey is sort of between— Aubrey ran forward to give you this extra push and I think you and Jake Coolice are still back towards the car, and you want to Read a Bad Situation.

Clint: Yeah, and I rolled an eight plus sharp, so that's a 10, and I think Ned is not the fastest of the bunch, but I think we're just kind of charging into this situation, and all Duck knows is “crushed.” I'm gonna look around and see if I can figure out what exactly is coming our way.

Travis: Also if this is a Die Hard 3 scenario, then they might be watching, you know? They might— the person who made the call—

Griffin: Oh, interesting.

Travis: —might be spying on Duck McClane.

Clint: What do I get for a 10?

Travis: You can have anything off this shelf.


Travis: Anything.

Clint: Oh I want the ball— the ball in the cup game.

Travis: Oh, no I'm sorry, you gotta win twice to get the ball in the cup. You can have anything on this shelf between this one and this one. Anything between these two.

Griffin: Okay, so on a Read a Bad Situation you hold three, actually. You can ask what's my best way in, what's my best way out, are there any dangers we haven't noticed, what's the biggest threat, what's most vulnerable to me, and what's the best way to protect the victims.

Clint: Okay, well I'm gonna get to that one for my third one.

Griffin: [laughing] I figured.

Clint: A) is there— are there any dangers we haven't noticed?

Griffin: Hm. The danger here is— you see Aubrey cast this gust of wind that pushes Duck forward towards Leo's General Store, but you feel a wind too. And you're standing behind Aubrey. You feel this wind that is getting stronger. It's mounting, and— the snow storm that you all just sort of drove through, it's— this isn't that. There's just sort of a powerful gale that is starting to appear around you, and it's getting stronger.

Clint: Alright. What's the biggest threat?

Griffin: This wind is getting sort of stronger, like freakishly fast, and you hear this sort of sickening, loud, metallic groaning noise. And it's coming from the distance sort of right in front of you in the direction of Leo's shop and you see, starting to sway in the wind, in a kind of unnatural way, the gigantic Pizza Hut sign. [Clint gasps] The one that is designed to be seen from the nearby highway as drivers pass Kepler. It is— it's starting to sway in the wind a little bit, like a reed. Like a stalk of wheat, and this sign is enormous and it doesn't look like there's any way it should be doing this. That looks pretty dangerous to you. The big big Pizza Hut sign.

Clint: And what's the best way to protect the victims?

Griffin: You notice that the Pizza Hut sign is starting to bend a little bit towards its base, and the direction in which it's bending is in the direction of Leo's General Store. So the best way to protect the victims is to make them not be there [crosstalk] when this happens.

Clint: [crosstalk] In the store, yeah.

Ned: Folks! The sign. [fumbling] The-the-the-the sign— it's— that's what's going to be the crushing things that's gonna crush the people.

Griffin: Let's get back to Duck. Duck you are— it's been about a minute and you have, eh, maybe a minute and a half. You have made your way to the door of the general store. You side step the crates that he has set up outside that he sort of displays the fresh produce in every morning, and do a hop over this toppled over pile of bags of fertilizer as you make your way into the front door.

Duck: Ah shit. Everybody out! Clear the place. You're about to get squished by a Pizza Hut sign. Nobody wants to go out like that, come on.

[Clint laughing]

Griffin: You barge in the door just already saying this, and you have definitely been in Leo's, like, a ton. I think it is sort of the place that most folks go to get their groceries and sundries. And you would kind of have to be familiar with is to, like, know where to find anything here. It's like, a decent sized store, but its aisles are like cramped and towering, and they are stocked with just like everything you could ever need. What Leo has kind of invested in his inventory though, he has kind of scrimped on maintenance. There's, like— it's got this rustic sort of Alpine charm that a lot of the buildings in Kepler have, but there's like some bending beams sort of supporting the ceiling. There's some rusting metal supports for the air ducts kind of above. And knowing what you know, you just see disaster fucking all over this room. And as you sort of run in, sort of shouting for folks to get out, you see two people. You see Leo behind the counter— behind the register— and he is sort of talking idly with Janice, the town mail carrier. She's got her mail bag, and it's empty. She has finished up her day's route. The call on the line said there were two customers in here. You do not see a second customer. And Leo, as you barge in and start shouting, says,

Leo: Hey, okay hold up. Hold up. Calm down, there, a second Duck. What's—

Duck: There's no time, man. Come on. Get out of here. Trust me.

Leo: Duck, I don't— You gotta tell me what's going on. [crosstalk] You're freaking me out a little bit.

Duck: [crosstalk] I don't have—

Justin: I pull out my badge

[Justin and Clint laughing]

Griffin: Your—

Justin: [laughing] My forest ranger badge.

Griffin: Okay.

Duck: I'm a— I'm an officer of the law, in a sense, and I need you to get out of here now! Everybody! This place is about to get crushed. We can talk about it outside. Let's go.

Griffin: Janice says,

Janice: Oh— Okay Duck. You seem mighty spooked. I'll— I'll follow along.

Griffin: [crosstalk] and she—

Duck: Thank you, Janice.

Griffin: She goes out the door. Leo comes out from behind the counter and says, like

Leo: Okay now you— you're scaring off my customers now [crosstalk] Duck, and I don't know what you're playing at.

Duck: [Crosstalk] Alright Leo. Listen man. Do you want to remain three dimensional?


Leo: That would be ideal, yeah.

Duck: Then get the hell out of your store. It's about to be destroyed, okay. I can't explain how I know, but I know.

Griffin: Let's get back to— Let's go to Aubrey.

Travis: So look— Is this like a single pillar base of the sign?

Griffin: No. It's on one huge pole, and now it is— it looks like it could go at any second.

Travis: Rather than try to stop it, I'm gonna see if I can, like, melt one specific— like so that it timbers in the right direction.

Griffin: Oh interesting.

Travis: Yeah, so like rather than try— is there an area that it could go...

Clint: The street?

Griffin: I mean, you could— Dad was right, like the street direction is definitely— it would be safer. Yeah, I mean you could probably angle it towards Dave's Dehumidifier Depot [Travis gasps], which is kind of on the other side of the Pizza Hut.

Justin: Christ, hit that. I would hit that.

Travis: I would never!

Griffin: You can't guarantee that Dave's not in there, and you can't guarantee that, you know, dehumidifier shoppers— people in desperate need for less, sort of, moisture in the air— aren't in there, and do they deserve to die? More than the people in Leo's general store? I don't know. These are the kinds of hard moral decisions I want to put in front of you.

Travis: What I'm gonna do is just put a little english on it so that it hits, like, the back of the store instead of the middle, right? So there's significantly less damage, so maybe it like clips the back instead of just, like, splitting Leo's in the middle.

Griffin: Okay, I think— I mean I think this would be, like, an attack roll, right? I don't think that this would be— I don't think this fits anything that is in Use Magic. So—

Travis: Yes, I agree.

Griffin: —so this would be a Kick Some Ass.

Clint: Are you attacking the pole itself?

Travis: Yes I am, Father, and I did not do a good job.

Griffin: Yeah, you did a bad job.

Travis: I rolled a three. Plus—

Griffin: [crosstalk] Two is five.

Travis: —two. Five.

Clint: How 'bout if I help out?

Griffin: If you help out you can get it to a six, which is still a hard fail.

Clint: Okay.

Travis: Yeeep.

Griffin: Go ahead and mark experience there, Aubrey.

Travis: [rapidly] Yeeeeep yep yep yep. Yeeeeeeeep yep yep yep.

Griffin: What does it look like as you're trying to, like—

Travis: A ball of— more like a ball of fire. Like, I'm just trying to, like, you know... aim. Byoo, you know? Aahhh!

Griffin: I think you're hyped up in this moment. I think you are— I think your nerves are getting the best of you, and because we've kind of touched on— like that is where your— the power of— the um—

Travis: Yeah.

Griffin: —the strength of your magic comes from, I think you are surprised when you cut clean through the pole.

Aubrey: Whoops.

Griffin: And with that, the wind finally catches the Pizza Hut sign like a sail, and it falls over into the store and, Duck, you hear a horrible horrible noise, Duck. And it's coming from directly in front of you. Suddenly, the lights are just gone, and you can sense, I think with whatever— wherever your powers are coming from, Duck, they're telling you, like, “Uh-oh.”, and you know that you need to get the fuck out of the way. What do you do?

Justin: I'm gonna tackle Leo, so like— and knock him to the ground so I'm on top of him.

Griffin: Okay. Roll to Act Under Pressure.

Justin: [Griffin chuckling] Seven plus—

Griffin: That is Cool.

Justin: —Cool. That's a nine.

Griffin: Okay. On a seven to nine I give you a worse outcome, hard choice, or price to pay.

Clint: Could I help him out?

Griffin: You're pretty far away, right?

Clint: I was just gonna yell out—

Justin: Now he— now I could make— you could make a very good argument that Ned is like—

Griffin: Timber.

Justin: Yeah exactly.

Griffin: Okay, yeah I think so. Go ahead and roll to Help Out. This is you sort of shouting to warn Duck and giving him a heads up.

Clint: And that's... a seven plus—

Griffin: Plus cool.

Clint: —plus cool. So that's eight.

Griffin: Okay. Your help grants them plus one to their role, but you also expose yourself to trouble or danger. Okay, I'll have to think of a way that I can do that.

Ned: Look out for the big ass sign!

Griffin: And I think that's what inspires you to leap onto Leo, and you do so, that is now a ten. On a ten you do what you set out to do. Here's what happens:

You hear Ned's voice. You hear the groaning of metal outside, and you leap forward and just tackle Leo. And then the Pizza Hut sign crashes into the room. I think for a second the lights go out as the sign sort of severs whatever electrical hookups they had here in the store, and there's no light in the room, and then there is light in the room. There's like a soft red and a soft white and a soft yellow light. I think you see, like, ‘Pizz’ from the sign. ‘Pizz Hu’ from the sign and a little bit of that red hat. [Justin laughing] and the huge thick wood beams that are in the ceiling of this room, a few of them have just given out completely. Right where it sort of smashed in it has given out completely, but a few of them kept. A few of them stayed strong and caught the sign. But you can— you hear things just falling apart in this room, sort of in a horrible cascade.

A few of the shelves have fallen over. One has fallen over, like, at an angle and landed right above you, showering you with, like, the goods that were on it. You have some cans of soup and some canned vegetables that sort of landed and pelted you as you landed on top of Leo. But it caught itself on another set of shelves and sort of saved you from some of the stuff that was falling from the ceiling, and now here's where you're at— and you get the impression that this— the rest of the building is not going to hold up for very long.

Justin: Okay. I gotta drag him out.

Griffin: Let's jump to— Before we get to that— Aubrey, you have just Pizza Hut-ed this store and seemingly probably killed Duck and—

Travis: Yeah.

Griffin: —everybody inside. Just curious what you're doing right now.

Travis: So, I would say— It's like you said. From her point of view, right, like she has just... caused the building to collapse and kill Duck.

Griffin: Right.

Travis: The wind is knocked out of her for a second, and not like in a magical way, but, like, something unlocks? Something she hasn't thought about for a very long time. Something she has pushed away from the front of her mind, and like, I would say she starts crying in that way that if someone pointed it out she probably wouldn't even notice.

Griffin: Mmhmm.

Travis: And just, like— And, uh, collapses.

Griffin: Unconscious?

Travis: Yeah.

Griffin: Okay. That— Usually I'm the one that knocks you guys unconscious, but you're just making it easier for me.

Travis: I know. I'm gonna say, not like unconscious uncon— but like,

Griffin: Yeah. No, she's in shock. She's—

Travis: Yes. Yes yes.

Griffin: Yeah. Okay. Cool. I guess we'll unpack that... in a bit. And I think let's get back to Duck. I think we have to sort of keep the tension going here. You are under a shelf, covered in cans, on top of Leo. There is— You got Janice out. There's maybe somebody else in here and the building's about to collapse. What do you do?

Justin: So basically, like, the building is— nobody's like—

Griffin: The sign is not done falling. It got caught by a couple beams in the ceiling. It had this— It had these, like, thick beams, and it didn't quite get through all of them, but whatever is holding the sign up is giving way quickly. And it's only a matter of time.

Justin: And it's still partially out of my— it's still partially out of the building? Like the top of the building?

Griffin: Yes.

[Justin sighs]

Duck: Ned! In the trunk!

Ned: What?

Duck: Get the Flymaster!

Ned: The rocket thing?!

Duck: The— yeah. Unless I missed my guess, the tags on that bad boy are 'fragile' [laughing] 'volatile' and 'quick' so I feel like maybe you got one shot to rocketeer that motherfucking sign off my dome, man.

Ned: Awww shit. Are you sure? You don't want me to, like, bring it to you?

Duck: No, I'm not fucking sure, but this is the best shot I got! Come on!

Ned: Alright. How— Okay.

Clint: So he— he throws it on. He buckles it up in the front.

[Griffin laughing].

Travis: Now Ned is good with vehicles— [crosstalk]

Ned: Is there a helmet?

Travis: —Just to establish.

Clint: Oh, that's right. Yeah. Vehicles.

Ned: Alright! How do I turn it on?

Duck: Umm. Shit. That's actually a real good question.

Ned: The dial on the front?

Duck: Is there a dial? Yeah, yeah. Try that.

Ned: Okay.

Clint: And the— and a radio comes on.

Duck: Nah, nah nah. Turn that off that's annoying. No. Ummm [clicks tongue]... Oh! Oh! Reach to the sides! there's like little handles there. See the tubes?

Ned: Oh. Yeah. Oh those are nice.

Duck: [crosstalk] Yeah, that's nice.

Ned: And they're contoured. They fit my hands.

Duck: Come on!

Ned: And there's a red button on the— [Ned screams off into the distance]


Griffin: Describe to me exactly— okay, alright. Ned’s now— okay, great.

Travis: Ned’s dead.

Griffin: Ned has died. So, dad, start working on another character, and Duck, we’ll see if you need to start working on another— no, okay. What are you— what’s the plan here? You are— I need to know how well— I need to know what you’re doing before we can decide how well it goes.

Clint: Alright, uh… well, I mean the only thing that I can see— There’s no way that we can get inside the building, so the only thing I can do is— he said “jetpack into the motherfucking sign,” so I’m gonna jetpack into the motherfucking sign!

Griffin: Alright, you’re just trying to collide with it really hard or are you trying to—

Clint: Well I think that if I move it, if I hit it hard enough, you know… maybe it’ll flatten out and not come through the hole?

Justin: Yeah, or he catches it and pulls it away.

Griffin: Yeah, I mean if you just shoot into it with your human body, you’re gonna get extremely hurt. You know that, right? If you put on— [Justin laughing] I gotta talk to you about it for a second, daddy, that if you launch yourself with a jetpack into a sign and you hit it going really fast that your body dies—

Clint: I have a large, striped—

Griffin: No, no, no—

Clint: I have my parka on!

Travis: Uh huh.

Clint: That’ll cushion it some!

Griffin: Let’s just think with our human— Let’s think about what our human bodies can do and what it can survive—

Justin: To bring everybody inside the bit, I was planning on doing this before Aubrey tried to kill me with a Pizza Hut sign, and I was thinking about how it would work pretty good ‘cause I’m so tough. And I kinda forgot about— when I suggested that Ned use his flesh to—

Clint: Now wait a minute, wait a minute… I’m not— If Ned zooms towards it, we’re talking about a large, roughly rectangular shaped sign, right?

Griffin: Uhh, yeah, I mean it’s in the shape of the Pizza Hut—

Clint: Alright, if we use leverage— if he zooms at it, hits the top part of it, and knocks it back, flattens it out, it’s not gonna come through the roof, ‘cause there’s more area [crosstalk] over the roof.

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: I’m loving this! Yes! Absolutely!

Griffin: I’m loving this! This is good— this is good science! Alright, go— I guess Act Under Pressure.

Clint: Okay.

Justin: Literal air pressure in this case, eh?

Clint: Act Under Pressure… what do I add to that?

Griffin: Cool.

Clint: Seven plus one, that’s eight.

Travis: Well.

Griffin: Alright. Yeah. I mean, I'm gonna give you a Worse Outcome, Hard Choice, or a Price to Pay.

Clint: Price to Pay.

Travis: You don't get to pick.


Travis: [crosstalk] That's not how life works ever.

Clint: [crosstalk] Oh okay. I thought you were being Monty Hall for a minute.

Travis: But you're not— Like, it doesn't work in life. If you get hit by a car, God's not like "so what do you want?" [Travis laughing] "What way do you want to go with this, Clint?"

Griffin: Yeah, uh, I'm gonna hurt you really bad.

Clint: Okay. I can live with that. Listen, just for the moment of zooming along in a rocket pack is worth any price.

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: It's a fun choice of words to say "I can live with that."

Griffin: Yeah. That— that remains to be seen. But you— boy. What's this look like? You tell me now. This is your— This is your last act on this earth, and I want you to tell me how it looks.

Clint: The rocket pack fires up when he hits the red button, and while it would be really cool to envision him as, you know, sleek and aerodynamic, I think he's waving his arms and legs like crazy [laughing] and just flailing around for the first couple of seconds, and then maybe stretches his arms out to act like wings, and then stretches his legs out and tries to angle towards the upper part of the sign.

Griffin: Okay. You achieve that. And it is— it is clumsy, It does not look very smooth. It does not look very cool. I think that Janice, the mail carrier, sees you from her spot, she is just taking off running, especially as the sign fell in through the— in through the building. And she just sees this sort of column of smoke do a curly-Q in the air, and I think by the time— when you actually make contact with the sign, I think you flipped around so that the jetpack itself catches the brunt of the damage because you get the sense if your skull had been the recipient of it you would have just— you would die. You would have been dead very very quickly.

Clint: Yeah. [crosstalk]

Travis: But instead you died slowly.

Justin: Yeah instead it's kind of a slow death kind of thing.

Griffin: Well, instead, Duck, from you— you're looking up from your position, and you see just sparks shoot into the air— shoot through the air. And Ned, you just— you are instantly unconscious. You are instantly unconscious from this huge amount of blunt force trauma you experience. Your body sails 20 feet past the sign and rolls to a stop sort of smoking in the snow. And the Flymaster, I think it keeps on going. I think it comes unlatched from you, and it skitters to a stop, like, 50 feet past you. It sort of dances across the snow, sort of flying past your unconscious form. And you take four harm.

Travis: I'm sure we'll find that again later.

Griffin: Ned, I need you to mark Unstable. On your harm tracker.

Clint: Oooooo.

Griffin: If you do not get medical attention now, you are... going to die.

Clint: Alright. Unstable. And then mark four harm?

Griffin: Yes. With that, though, the sign— it teeters on the edge of the building and sort of slides off. You blast into this motherfucker so hard that you completely push it just... off. Off the building. And it slides harmlessly off the back. And with that, Duck you— Leo is— Leo's kind of scr— you know, he was screaming for a second as his store was destroyed, and he's calmed down, and he says,

Leo: Okay, uh, next time I will listen up. [fumbling] Can we— you got— we gotta get out of here. I-I-I— I don't want— I— we— we gotta get Denny from the bathroom. He was— he was in the bathroom. We gotta get him. We gotta get—

Duck: Calm down, alright? Listen. I got a plus two cool. So we're— I'm gonna get you through this. Alright? You get out, I'll get Denny off the can... and— and then we'll— I don't know, we'll call the... the sheriff down here and start the insurance stuff. But get out now. I'll go get Denny. Don't worry.

Griffin: You can already hear sirens in the distance. I think that this is, you know, happening on the main drag, and folks definitely saw a Pizza Hut sign, you know, teeter and fall into a business. I think that you definitely hear sirens on the way. I also don't think, like— I think the danger has passed. The sign is now off the building. It's not going to fall in and collapse, and I think Denny and Leo and you are able to get out of the store without any danger, and you see Aubrey on the ground by the sign where it fell. And I don't know if you see Ned.

Duck: Aubrey! Hey! Hey! Aubrey!

Justin: I rush over to her first, I think. She's right there.

Griffin: Sure.

Duck: Aubrey, did— did you knock over the sign? Aubrey?

Aubrey: [quietly, to herself] I killed Duck...

Duck: No— What?

Aubrey: [quietly] killed Duck.

Duck: Aaahh no. This is a ghost thing, isn't it? Hey Leo! Can you see me?

Leo: [confused] Yeah I can see you. You— you look a little shaken up, and you got some soup on you—

Duck: Alright nevermind that's fine. Hey, Aubrey, I'm not dead. Look.

Aubrey: [quietly] Not again, no. No.

Duck: No no no, Aubrey, look look look. I'm not dead.

Justin: God, hold on. Duck probably travels with a first aid kit of some sort, right? Like, doesn't that— [crosstalk] does that track for you?

Travis: [crosstalk] Like a cool, like, fanny pack.

Justin: Like, as a ranger? It seems like he would have, like, some [crosstalk] bare necessities... first aid stuff

Griffin: [crosstalk] Yeah, in his pack, I think he definitely has— Yeah, I mean this is not your primary job, but I think if you're on the trail doing your sort of forest tending and you come across somebody who's injured themselves, you definitely want to be prepared. So yeah, I think in your sort of all day carry you've got some supplies for first aid.

Justin: Alright. I'll grab that up and get out the space blanket that I keep in there.

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: And pull out— 'cause I can recognize— I think I probably recognize shock.

Griffin: Alright. Yeah. You get that all wrapped around Aubrey, and I think at this point an ambulance from St. Francis has pulled up, as have a couple of squad cars from the sheriff's station. You see Sheriff Zeke and Deputy Dewey step out of those. And immediately some EMTs rush out of the ambulance and towards the building, looking for anybody who has gotten injured. And they do a— quickly poke their head inside and they kind of get waved off by the sheriff, who doesn't want them to, you know... doesn't want the building to collapse on them. And one of the EMTs points off in the distance, and Duck, you see two EMTs rush over with their supplies and start tending to Ned, who you now see face down in the snow.

Justin: Alright, I would rush over there next.

Griffin: Alright. He looks very bad. Whatever coat he was wearing now just has a big burn mark on the back of it. And you don’t see any- it’s not gruesome; it’s not like there’s bones jutting out of Ned, but he looks bad. The EMTs are working on him, and one of them says:

EMT: Do you know what happened to him?

Duck: Oh boy… you want the truth or a more convincing lie? Um, nah so, okay, right… so the Pizza Hut sign started to fall, ‘cause of the weather, and he ran up there on… a fire escape… and tried to push it? …With a bat? Damn it. Nah, he just pushed it, and it fell, but then he fell ‘cause he got shocked. I bet… mmm...I didn’t see. I was in-Ah, shit! Alright, hey fol-hey guys, rewind. I-hey guys, rewind a second. Ah fuck! I was inside, I didn’t see. Anything! I don’t know… this man. I do know this man. His name-Fuck!

[Griffin laughs]

Duck: Alright, I Ned, hi, here's-hmmm. Alright, so this man’s name is Ned, and he’s a friend of mine, and I don’t know what the hell happened to him, but you know this guy. He’s always getting into something. I don’t know, I was in the building, I almost got killed by a Pizza Hut sign. I might be in shock!

Travis: [laughing] This is where we find out that Duck got his nickname because one time, he tried to explain something to someone, and it just kept autocorrecting “fuck” over and over again!

[Commercial break 32:04-37:18]

Griffin: It’s been a few hours since the accident. It was a few very stressful hours, maybe especially for you, Duck, because you were the only one fully cognizant during all of this… you rode in the ambulance with Aubrey and Ned to the hospital. Leo came, too, he just felt bad about abandoning you all after you went to such great lengths to help try and save his store and the people inside of it. And it’s been a few hours, you’re in a recovery room with Aubrey—and I think, Aubrey, at this point, you have recovered from the state that you were in, right in the immediate aftermath of the sign falling over—and Ned is there, also. He is in bed, and he’s hooked up to machines and an IV, and… I think you’re in and out, Ned. I think you’re doing better; they’ve stabilized you, and go ahead and remove 1 Harm, to get yourself back up to 3 Harm.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: That is for Ned, not for Duck.

Justin: Just listening.

[Clint laughs]

Justin: ...Active listener.

Griffin: You all are in the room together, Leo is waiting out in the hallway, and Mama showed up a few minutes ago after she heard what happened. And that is the scene, you—Duck—and Aubrey and Mama are debriefing about what just happened. And Mama’s kind of got her hand on Ned’s knee, and just pats it a couple of times, making sure he knows, like, “hang in there, bud”, and she says:

Mama: Alright, so, walk me through all this again. You all saw some sort of hooded, hooved figure out in the snow, whipped up a snowstorm, y’all couldn’t see, car stalled out, and then… you got a heads-up that the Pizza Hut sign was about to fall on Leo’s general store.

Duck: Yeah, that’s correct.

Mama: And they knew it was you who was gonna answer the phone.

Duck: Right.

Mama: What did they sound like? Did you get any idea of who it might’ve been? Was it somebody you knew, was is a voice you recognized?

Duck: [sarcastic] Uh… it was a few weeks ago, so I’m havin’ trouble remembering if I recognized the voice. Let me think about it, hold on.

[Griffin laughs]

Justin: And I pray.

Griffin: [laughing] Why?

Justin: [laughing] I pray to Griffin to remind me if I recognized the voice or not.

Griffin: You didn’t. You definitely didn’t.

Duck: Nah, Mama, I didn’t recognize the voice at all.

Mama: Well shit, man, I dunno. I guess we can wait and see if they reach out again. Did it seem like they were friend or foe? I mean, obviously, they gave you a heads-up, but who’s to say they weren’t the ones—

Aubrey: Mama, there was magic.

Mama: There was magic?

Aubrey: Yeah, the wind… the wind was not normal.

Duck: Yeah, something strange was goin’ on.

Aubrey: It felt like a lot of stuff, like… it felt like we were jinxed.

Duck: I got a thought: it was a call into a payphone, right? So, maybe we could, like… track it? Like, find out who’s called that payphone or somethin’.

Mama: I mean, if nobody else’s called it or used that payphone since, we could Star 69 it and see—

Duck: Hell yeah! One: that’s hysterical; secondly, that’s a great idea!

Aubrey: I mean, it’s one of two things: either it’s the person who knew the sign was gonna fall down ‘cause they made it happen, or it’s a person who knew somethin’ was gonna happen who might be able to help us in the future.

Mama: Alright, well, we gotta chase any clue we can get! We gotta get to that payphone before someone else can use it or recieve a call.

Griffin: And Jake stands up from the corner of the room, and he says:

Jake: Yeah, this is somethin’ Jake can do.

Griffin: And he pulls out his board and just goes running out of the room.

Duck: Now, Jake, wait! Can you remember the number?

Jake: Yeah, it’s the star-shaped button and then the funny sex joke.

Duck: You got it, Jake! I’m real proud of you, go get ‘em, partner!

[Clint laughs]

Griffin: He gives you a big thumbs-up and a finger gun, and he runs out of the room.

Duck: [yelling] Not 420, Jake!

[Griffin laughs]

Duck: … God damn it, he’s gonna hit—

Clint: [yelling] You’re gonna want to do 420!

Duck: [yelling] You’re gonna wanna do 420, Jake!

Travis: I would say, at this point, Aubrey looks over and, like, Ned’s eyes are closed, and she says:

Aubrey: [sullenly] Hey, Duck, could you go get me a coffee from the vending machine at the end of the room? I don’t care if it’s gross vending machine coffee, I would love it.

Duck: Yeah. Do you want any cream?

Aubrey: No.

Duck: Any sugars?

Aubrey: Nope. Just black, please.

Duck: What if it has, like, a mocha? Do you want a mocha kind of thing?

Aubrey: Duck, just black coffee, please.

Duck: Do you want a small or a medium or a large? You have any size—?

Griffin: There’s tons of options.

Clint: Grande? You could get a grande?


Justin: Ned, you’re asleep, hold on…

Duck: [sarcastic, overdramatic] Oh, thank god! Aw, Ned’s okay, y’all! He’s talkin’ normal and he’s all fine! He sounds like Clint McElroy, beloved DJ!

[Clint imitates Ned passing out]

Aubrey: [sarcastic] Aw, he’s back down.

Duck: [sarcastic] He’s back down.

Aubrey: The biggest they got, Duck. Just the biggest, cheapest, blackest coffee they got.

Mama: Make that two, Duck, if you don’t mind.

Duck: Okay, Mama, do you want cream or anything...?

Mama: Nah, I’m good. Just literally the same exact order. Why don’t you git, I think Aubrey’s trying to have a delicate conversation.

Duck: Same size, or…?

Mama: It’s gonna be a delicate conversation, Duck, why don’t you git.

Duck: I just wanna make sure you’re gettin’ taken care of, they got those li’l [unintelligible]

Griffin: Mama walks and opens the door up.

Duck: Aw, I get it. [Mama: Yeah, go git.] Alright, sorry about that—yeah, yeah, I’ll be… yeah. Damn it.

Griffin: Duck is out of the room, and now it is just an unconscious Ned and Mama and you, Aubrey.

Justin: Should I take my headphones off?

Griffin: No, ‘cause we got stuff.

Travis: You can know this shit.

Justin: [defensive] I dunno, it’s kinda fun!

Travis: Because I want you, the player, to know so we can get back to it and work it back into the story—

Griffin: Yeah.


Travis: Because we’re all writing it and—

Justin: Got it.

Clint: But would Ned know? ‘Cause he’s kinda semi-conscious…

Travis: Maybe he will and you’ll see if that comes up, maybe that’s why you’re in the fucking room, Clinton!

Griffin: We’re playing this together, it’s all happening in real time! It’s like if we just fuckin’ forgot!

Travis: Will you just fuckin’ write a story—

Clint: I’m really into character!

Travis: Write the fucking story with me! We are New York Times bestselling authors!

[Clint laughs]

Griffin: Alright. Mama is here alone with you, Aubrey, she says:

Mama: Aubrey, what’s goin’ on? You seem really shaken up, obviously it was a tough night, but… did somethin’ happen?

Aubrey: Mama, do you remember when we met at the magic show, and you saw me do magic, and I told you it was the first time?

Mama: Yeah? You’re talking about actual magic, right?

Aubrey: Yeah. …I don’t think it was the first time.

Mama: What do you mean? Did you remember somethin’? What… what other time has there been, Aubrey?

Aubrey: When I was 18… the night I was leavin’ home… someone broke into our house, two men, I don’t know… I was runnin’ to see what the sound was and I tripped and hit my head on the banister of the stairs. And when I woke up, the house was on fire. …And I think that was… my fault…

Mama: [sigh] Shit, Aubrey. I mean, do you know that for sure, Aubrey? Or is this just the guilt, maybe?

Aubrey: The fire started on the second floor, where I was, and they were breakin’ in downstairs, and I… never really… thought about that… before now. It’s like I can… almost remember it.

Mama: I mean, that might be relevant. If it’s true, Aubrey, then that means that your magical abilities don’t have anything to do with you bein’ in Kepler or close to the gate or close to Sylvain—a lot of our theories about that are shot, but… I’m sorry about your house burnin’ down, that must’ve been hard.

Aubrey: …My mom died in the fire. Dad got out, but… the part my mom was in collapsed.

Griffin: I don’t think she knows how to respond to that. She just stands there, mouth open, for a bit and… wraps you back up in that blanket, and… I think she doesn’t know what to do, because she brought you here, and then she disappeared for a couple months, and then she showed back up. And I don’t know what your relationship has been like since then? But I think she takes a beat and then she leans down, and she just wraps the blanket around you and gives you a little kiss on the top of the head. And she says:

Mama: I’mma go see what’s taking Duck so long with that coffee.

Griffin: Okay. Before we do anything else, I have a super super super important question for Ned... and that question is going to determine some stuff based on what the answer is, but, how much of that did Ned... actually hear?

Clint: I think he heard... I think he heard all of it. I think he's not exactly in a coma—

Griffin: No.

Clint: —but I think he's out of it enough that he's— he's not feigning unconsciousness, but I think he heard the whole story.

Griffin: Then I think Ned has just had a pretty horrible...

Clint: [chuckling] Extremely horrible.

Griffin: ...realization.

Clint: Yeah.

Griffin: Then I think, in this sort of, like, in and out of consciousness state that you're in, you hear all of this, and you are taken back to that night. And I think you just see little bits and pieces of it in this state [underscoring starts]. I think you probably bonked your noggin something fierce when you did your jetpack stunt, and so, it's not coming to you in one sort of linear thread, but you remember pulling up to the house... and you remember doing a quick lap around it to find the best entrance, to check for security. You remember going inside. You remember carefully taking things. You remember getting caught. And you remember the car crash with your partner during your speedy escape, as Aubrey speaks from what seems like miles away and you realize... it was her house that you robbed that night. [underscoring ends]

Griffin: Hey, Duck. You're out in the hallway, right? You were getting coffee?

Justin: Yeah.

Griffin: I think you see Leo out there. Leo looks pretty shaken up as you come back with the two cups of joe. He's sitting there and he's kinda got his head in his hands.

Duck: Uhh... Hey. Leo. How's it going? You alright?

Griffin: He looks up. He kinda wipes his nose. He says,

Leo: Nah Duck, I'm not doing good— very good at all, thanks. Thanks for asking. I know— I'm sorry. I'm— I shouldn't yell. I'm sorry that was mean of me. I just... that was my fucking store, Duck, and it's gone now. I mean there's parts of it still standing and maybe there's a few, you know, boxes of cereal that didn't get smushed. But uh... that was my— that was my life, Duck. When I came to Kepler, I moved down here from New York and I didn't— I didn't— I didn't have anything, and... I'd just gotten out of a sort of long-term gig, and then... I didn't have nothing and that was hard for me and I didn't know what my purpose was and I found that store and that was my purpose and it was a good— it was a good purpose, but... uh... fuck, Duck, man. It's just... It just sucks.

Duck: Yeah. Yeah. There's no arguing about that.

Leo: I guess I'm still around to maybe rebuild, and I guess that's entirely thanks to you, so... I knew the people were gonna be good neighbors here in Kepler, Duck, but I didn't expect that kinda— that kinda treatment, so I don't know what to say, man. I don't know how I can repay you.

Duck: Well, you know, it's the least I could do. I'm sorry, you know, about the store... What about... I see people, like— what about Kickstarting. Is that a thing? Can you Kickstart it?

Leo: Like a motorcycle? What do you— Like—

Duck: Nah, you like— I think... I don't actually know. I've just seen sometimes when there's a fire or whatever, or like... some people Kickstart it. I don't know how you get in on there or if you just ask, or... or what.

Griffin: He says,

Leo: I guess I'll go to the library and see where I can find out. Um... you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get a lawyer, and I don't know nothing about law stuff, but it seems like I might be able to get a little bit of money out of the Pizza Hut, right?

Duck: Yeah, I mean, Pizza Hut's kinda— hey, do you not have insurance?

Leo: I do, yeah, I do, but it's gonna take a little bit for that to come through. In the meantime maybe I can get a few free personal pan 'zas out of it.

Duck: Yeah.

Leo: And that's what I can do for you. I'll split you some of the 'zas.

Duck: Yeah. You're being— I'll be honest, Leo, you're being kinda despondent for a guy who maybe just has to wait a little while and get a check to fix up his store, ya know? You're seeming out in the hallway a little bit like... doom and gloom, when really what you got is kind of an unplanned vacation, you know? You'll get up and runnin' again... just let the gears of... uh... State Farm start turning.

Leo: You got a point there, Duck. It's just... it's been my experience that when you find your calling in this life... it doesn't make any sense to put off doing it. You know what I mean? I'm gonna head out. I'm gonna head back to the shop. I better take stock of what's still standing. But— you... you take care of yourself Duck. I don't know what Kepler'd do without you.

Duck: Alright. Fair enough.

Travis: So now you have a bond with Leo Tarkesian.

Justin: [crosstalk] A life bond. Can't wait to summon him.

Griffin: [laughing] You get his summon crystal. [Justin laughing]. You throw it to the ground and it shatters.

Justin: I take it to the fairy godmother and she— [Justin laughing]

Griffin: Mmhmm. And I think as he walks by, he brushes past Jake, who comes running back in. He's got a lot of snow up on his pants. He's got his board that he's got slung over his back, and he runs up to you Duck, and he says,

Jake: [out of breath through the entire conversation] Oh God.

Duck: You okay?

Jake: Oh my God. Yeah, it's just. I ran really fast and I... I snowboarded— I cross-country snowboarded some of the way. But I got to the payphone.

Duck: Well, what's the number?

Jake: I had the phonebook so I ran the number in there.

Duck: [crosstalk] You— you ran the number in there? What?

Jake: And I found— Yeah. I went through all the numbers one by one and I found the phone number.

[Justin and Travis laughing]

Travis: Wait, what? No wonder he's tired, that would have taken days!

Jake: Is that weird? I just went through it really fast.

Travis: Oh God, he's a Beholder.

Jake: So I just— oh my God. Can I have— ?

Griffin: He takes one of the cups of coffee and just, like, slams it.

Duck: Yes. Go for it man, shit.

Jake: That hurt my mouth really bad... but... the number that called you. It was from the Eastwood Campground, and uh, RV Park. That was the— I'm gonna fuckin' die, man.

Duck: The... where?

Jake: The Eastwood Campground and RV Park. That's what the phone number said.

Travis: Is that where we first met Pigeon?

Griffin: Umm... No. Duck, I think you would know this as more of a sort of long term RV park. Not quite like a— like a trailer park, but for folks who maybe want to like walk part of the trail— like, the Appalachian Trail— and leave their Winnebago or what have you in a secure spot. This is sort of more of a long term rental place.

Justin: Alright.

Griffin: And as he tells you the source of the telephone call, you hear the phone ring inside of Ned's room.

Travis: [hesitantly] Aubrey answers it.

Griffin: Okay.

Aubrey: Yeah— He— Hello?

Griffin: Aubrey, you hear that voice that you heard earlier this evening on the payphone, and this voice says,

Voice: Well done! I have to say, as someone who's tried to defy the whims of fate myself a fair number of times, I— I didn't think you'd actually pull it off.

Aubrey: Listen... Um... Hi. Thank you for your help? Who are you?

Voice: That is a complicated question, Aubrey, one that will make a lot more sense when we meet tomorrow afternoon at my home. Once Ned is back up and on his feet again. My name is Indrid Cold. That was the name I was born with in Sylvain. It's a— it's a nice name… I've always thought. Perhaps a bit on the nose. A bit, you know, supernatural sounding. But there's nothing I can do about that, can I? But I think you're asking a different question.

[The Adventure Zone: Amnesty Theme by Griffin McElroy plays]

Voice: I'm known as something different to the folks of this area. It's a nickname I picked up when I was younger and a bit more careless about my public persona. I don't prefer this title, myself, but, well... I'm the Mothman! See you tomorrow!
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