Ep. 63: The Stolen Century - Chapter Four/Transcript

Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

Griffin: Previously, on the Adventure Zone:

Griffin: The tendrils retract, and they pull that entire plane and pulls it into the Hunger itself. And the diameter of the Hunger you see just, just ever so slightly, expands.

Clint: I have a thing called Zone of Truth.

Griffin: Okay.

Clint: Merle casts Zone of Truth.



Clint: I cast Zone of Truth.

Justin: Hell yeah, dude.

Clint: Yeah!



[theme song]

Griffin: The seven of you are now on the 30th cycle of your journey, and the world that you find yourselves in this time is a rich one. It’s full of dozens of different civilizations and thriving cities and nations and what’s kind of unique about this world is you’ve been to a few planets that are, a few planes, I should say, where there’s like lots and lots of people, and it’s very vibrant, and alive, but the thing that sort of makes this world stand out is that all of these, these different thriving nations and civilizations, they’re all living in harmony and, and peace.

Um. And there’s actually, there’s so much stuff here, there’s so much life here, that you have a hard time sort of figuring out where to settle down in this world, and so you wait for the Light of Creation to fall, and you follow it to one of the sort of oldest civilizations on this planet, um, a nation called Tesseralia.

And you're greeted warmly in that nation’s capital city and are treated as revered guests. And everybody is very like, accommodating to you. There’s like a brief period where some investigative agencies like look into your plight as you come and sort of explain what’s going on. And after some time, the governor of this nation attends to you and confirms that yes, they do have the Light of Creation.

Specifically, it is in the possession of an institution called the First Monastery. And it is an institution that, as the governor explains it, is nearly solely responsible for the peace and prosperity that this world benefits from. So about a month into your stay in this world, the seven of you are brought to the First Monastery, where you are received by Abbess Oriana, who is sort of the, the leader of this, th-the spiritual leader of this monastery, and you are given tea and food served in this spicy, delicious broth. Um.

At this point you’ve been traveling together for over 30 years, spending each year in a new reality, but none of you have really tasted anything quite like this before. It’s really delicious. And Abbess-- the Abbess explains that the monastery does indeed have the Light of Creation but that she will need one of you to prove that you are able to handle the tremendous responsibility of this power before the monastery will part with it. And she has a particular recruit in mind. Um, after sort of getting to know you all and sizing you up, she turns to you--

Travis: So, so it’s power. It’s Magnus, right?

Griffin: She turns to Merle. She says--



Griffin: She says that if you join their monastery for the year and serve them well and sort of show your, your true colors, well, maybe not your true colors. But put your best foot forward. Uh, she will relinquish the Light to your party.



Griffin: Uh, Oriana-- Oriana says,



Griffin: Um. [laughs]



Griffin: Oriana-- Oriana says, Oriana says,



[laughter]



Griffin: She says,



Griffin: Okay.



Griffin: We’ll get to Merle’s thing, because this is-- I sort of-- so I’ve envisioned. We’re close to like the halfway point now of the Stolen Century, and I think we’re gonna hit a point where things are just gonna kind of hit critical mass, and we’re just gonna have to go until we get to the end of it, but before we get there, each of you is gonna have sort of a featured cycle where you're gonna kind of carry some of, more of the narrative weight as we-- We’re at a point now where we’re gonna be major, in a major way, like filling in the narrative gaps of like what does this mean and what’s this all about?

So this is Merle’s, and so we’re gonna get to him last. But Merle, or Magnus and Taako, um, you still get to like take a turn in this world. So, um, before we get to sort of the main thing, which is Merle’s training and what that means, um, and what’s going to come out of that, um, what do you all want to do in this-- in this world?

Clint: Well, can you give them a little more about the world? I mean, we know--

Griffin: Well, sure. I’ve sort of envisioned-- there’s-- this world is just very diverse and very alive and there are, um. There’s not much military in this world, right? I was thinking would you maybe go and train in this new way of fighting you’ve never seen before, but like it’s a very peaceful world. It is a world that’s just completely at peace, so I don’t know that there would be much--

Travis: What about--

Griffin: In the way of that.

Travis: Griffin?

Griffin: Mm-hmm?

Travis: What about sport?

Griffin: Um, yes. Okay, that’s great. Yeah. There’s definitely a lot of sport to like fill it. When soldiers became unnecessary, like the strong needed something to do. And so there is a, there’s a game that these, these civilizations play in lieu of combat. Um. And what do you, what do you want it to be, Magnus? What’s this sport look like?

Travis: I want it to be like a football-esque, bask-- like a combination of football and basketball. You know, the hoops that you have to dunk it into, but you can hold the ball and run around with tackling. Um, but very, very strict anti-violence rules.

Griffin: I mean, so no hitting?

Travis: No, there’s tackling. But you gotta be like cool about it, you know what I mean? Like--

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: I don’t want any-- there’s no concussions in this game, you know what I mean? They take good care of it. There’s no like spearing. There’s no you know face masks. Everyone is very civilized in this game.

Griffin: All right, so while you’re like killing time, I guess, in Tesseralia, while Merle trains in this monastery, which you are not like granted access to after this meeting with, with Oriana, because it’s like a monastery and they have a pretty like strict closed-door policy, so you're just like, you get an apartment here. And I think a lot of you are just kind of living here in the city.

Travis: I imagine there’s like a group of neighborhood kids--

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: Like are having a game. And like I kind of you know join in. And--

Griffin: And you tackle a-- you tackle a child.

Travis: No, I’m not going to hurt him. This person sees me, um, handle the ball well, maneuver well, but not be aggressive towards these children. And I get hired to coach a peewee league that has been-- it’s a lot of troubled kids.

Griffin: This is not the way I thought this was gonna go.

Travis: Their team, you know, everybody sees their team as a joke. No hope at making playoffs. Um, and so one of-- like you know their moms, one of their moms is like hey, you seem like you have-- could you teach our kids? ‘Cause like the last coach quit because it was too frustrating. {9:42} And I’m like, well, I got nothing but time on my hands. Sure. And so I work with the kids and train them up, and do we go to state? Hell yeah, we go to state.

Griffin: All right, Coach Taylor, real quick. Coach Taylor, real quick. One, what’s the sport?

Travis: Yeah?

Griffin: What’s the sport called?

Travis: Uhhh, Rebound.

Griffin: Okay, the sport is called Rebound. And what is this team, the Tesseralia whats?

Travis: [laughs] The Tesseralia Losers.

Griffin: [chuckles] Okay, the Tesseralia Losers.

Clint: The Bad News Losers.

Justin: But the day like right before the big game instead {10:13} he whips out new jerseys and they say Winners. Say we’re changing the name of the team.

Griffin: Travis, give me that speech right now to these children. These children are sitting in front of you and your star, um, slammer, um, the other team came and they-- in the middle of the night, they-- well, no, that’s a little dark. These are children. Hold on. Wait. Let me do-- [Travis laughs]

Griffin: He gets, he just gets food poisoning. But did the other kids give it to him? The other-- you think maybe. And they took you out. And so the rest of the Losers are like,



[Clint laughs]



[Griffin and Justin laugh]



[Clint laughs]



[laughter]

Justin: The one that belligerently refuses to do character voices of any sort.



Justin: Despite him making his living off of doing so for 40 years.

Griffin: That was the janitor in this world, Clint McElroy.

[laughter]

Justin: That’s right.



Justin: Don’t listen to him and his Rob Schneider from Waterboy impressions. That also don’t have a fucking character voice.

Griffin: [crosstalk] Don’t have a character voice.

Justin: Because how could you?

Griffin: Did you-- now--



Griffin: Wait, are you giving them the winners jersey or is that not actually happening?

Travis: Oh yeah, and then I open up a crate and it’s like,



Travis: And then that’s the big reveal.



Griffin: What--



Griffin: Okay.



Griffin: They, they put them on, and I have no-- I need help. I have no idea how to rectify this, because I think there needs to be a roll to determine whether or not they win the big game, because that feels important to me now in this moment, but I don't know if it’s you rolling plus Body to determine what kind of--

Travis: Look in your heart. Look in your heart. Do they win the big game, Griffin?

Griffin: Um, no. You're gonna have to roll for this, dog. It’s--

Travis: Do you really wanna risk these 18 kids not winning the big game because of your stupid mechanic, Griffin?

Griffin: Yeah, I think I do. Or I--

Travis: Okay.

[Clint laughs]

Griffin: Here’s where I-- here’s where I'm at. I don't know if it should be plus Body, which represents like you actually physically training these kids and like how well they respond to it, or plus, plus, just like plus Heart, like how well you did at this--

Travis: I think it should be plus Body, Griffin.

Griffin: I think this is-- I think, I think you could say plus Body. I think there’s a good case to be made here, because you're physically training these kids, so roll that.

Travis: Okay good. That is a 10.

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: ‘Cause if you had made me do Heart, it wouldn’t have been a complete success.

Griffin: Um, with a 10, it is a decisive victory. Who are they playing?

Travis: Uh, I don't know what other play-- the Huntington Locomotives.

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: The Huntington Blizzards.

[Clint laughs]

Griffin: Sure, they were fighting the Huntington Locomotives. Let’s go with that, and the--

Clint: Aw.

Griffin: Short-lived arena football team for our hometown. And how about no, that’s a-- we’ve-- that’s stretching it a little bit too far. Um, Magictown is the name of the town that they were fighting.

Justin: Much, much better. Much better.

Travis: The Magictown Bullies.

Griffin: Okay, the Magictown Bullies just get creamed, even though they had the bigger budget, um--

Clint: And a better dojo.

Griffin: The better dojo to like train in. Um, the, the, uh, Tesseralia Winners now crush them.

Travis: Now here’s the thing. You might, you might ask yourself, do the Tesseralia Winners win by playing a very straightforward by-the-book game? No. No, they didn’t.

Clint: I don’t think so.

Travis: There was whimsy and trick plays, oh, like you couldn’t even imagine. Picture it in your head. It’s even more whimsical than that. The b-- there were balls hidden in sleeves. There were, there was--

Clint: Oh.

Travis: Like, look over there’s, guy with a mustache in the stands. What? Turns out that that guy with the mustache was the player. It was crazy.

Griffin: Um, okay. For this nasty game, I mean, it’s a nasty--

Travis: It’s not nasty, Griffin. It’s just not by the book. They’re playing like no one’s ever seen. They’re not cheating, per se.

Griffin: Okay. I'm gonna give you +2 Bond as you celebrate with the most wonderful pizza party afterwards, um, and these, these kids are just in love with you and you’ve just like, man, you just changed their lives. Um, and, I don't know. Goofs, goofs aside for one minute, is it kind of, is it kind of tough knowing like, oh, man, in a year, these kids, um, this town is gonna probably, either it’ll be consumed by the Hunger or best case scenario, it might be a little rough for them when the Hunger arrives. Just to like put a bow on this.



Griffin: Uh, okay, we can say that you do that close to the, close to the end, and you get all the requisite permission slips, um, and--



[Clint laughs]

Griffin: Um, okay. Uh, Taako.

Justin: I think this is the first world we’ve been to where Taako would-- where the culture would be such that he would really wanna get down in the local cuisine.

Griffin: Yeah.

Justin: So I feel like I’m gonna spend this year like just sort of getting re-acquainted with cooking and sort of seeing what the local flavors are like and sort of immersing myself in that.

Clint: All that broth.

Griffin: I was--

Clint: You wanna try that broth.

Griffin: Yeah, I was really hoping you would go in this, this direction, because like yeah. This is the most culturally rich world, um, that you have been to, and food is like a huge element of that? And it’s just like, um, you cooked a lot while you were in, in your, in your homeworld before you went on this journey.

And Lup did too. I think Lup comes with you, like on most of this like eating quest, because when she had that broth, I think your eyes met and you had this like unspoken moment of like, oh shit. Um.

And so you do go around and you eat all of this food that you’ve never really eaten before and learn about all these new like flavor profiles. And you've, I don't know if you've ever had umami before, but that’s like real big here.

Clint: Mm.

Travis: And the sequel, Twomami.

Griffin: [crosstalk] And there’s also like a lot--  there’s also a lot of like spicy flavors, and, um, it-- it, yeah. I think it gets you into cooking. What do you wanna, what do you wanna do? Do you have any sort of like, beyond like just going around and eating a bunch of food, are you wanting to like train up your cooking and work on getting better at cooking?

Justin: Maybe-- I don’t, I mean it depends on what is available here. Um.

Griffin: I kind of want you to roll for this, but I think that roll is just like you learning like-- because there’s thousands and thousands and thousands of restaurants here, and I think a plus Mind roll would be like just you finding out what the best stuff is.

Justin: Mm.

Griffin: Like finding out where’s the best-- Obviously, there’s the places with the good Yelp review, but what’s the secret best shit to go get?

Justin: Yeah, right. Uh, let’s see here. Got a 9.

Griffin: And I don’t-- do you wanna spend an asset to upgrade that to--

Clint: I will spend my one asset--

Griffin: Whoa.

Clint: --to make it a 10.

Justin: Whoa, you don’t have to do that. I got lots laying around here.

Clint: No, I want to! I want to.

Justin: Okay, fine.

Clint: Yeah, I use my asset to give him a 10.

Griffin: Uh, okay, you have to tell me what that asset is and how it like helps him find the good food here.

Travis: He gives him his copy of Zagat’s.

Clint: It is a, it is a mortar and pestle that I carved out of a very large piece of coral, uh, which allows-- the holes in the coral allow the air to get into whatever you're grinding mortar and pestle, and that will help him get the subtle flavors out of the different spices that he’s researching.

Griffin: Okay, I think you do that, but more importantly you-- I think the way that asset is sort of spent is you find this like street guide who is like really plugged into the culinary world who talks to you about-- talks to you about some of this, this culture here and takes you to some of the best restaurants, but the chef community here is very insular, and doesn’t just wanna let in some rando from another dimension.

But he eyes this mortar and pestle and says if you give it to him, he’ll take you to the best restaurant in this entire world that will change your life and it will plug you into this community in just a really complete way and you will learn things you could never even imagine about food.



Griffin: Okay. you hand it over, and this guide is like, he says



Clint: Were you going for a Bourdain thing there?

Griffin: I don't know what I was going for there. You are taken-- you and Lup are taken to a restaurant that is in the basement of another restaurant, and sure enough, it’s just chefs here. And you guys are-- you and Lup are both good at cooking, but this is like-- they are on some next level shit.

And I think the thing I wanna get out of this scene is you eat this... you eat this dish, Taako, and it’s not a taco, but it is-- it’s spicy, and it is-- it’s really spicy. And it is savory and it is delicious and you've never had anything like it before, and it is absolutely the best, the best thing you've ever eaten. It’s kind of like an open-faced sandwich situation, almost, with this spicy sauce and this really creamy puree on the side of it that has this sort of nutmeg like substance grated over it.

Justin: Mm.

Griffin: And it is this flavor profile that you have never quite tasted. And how much-- obviously Taako and Lup do a lot of cooking, but how much invention of meals do you do?

Justin: I feel like I’ve had to get relatively creative in the past 30 years because I’ve had to deal with whatever I’ve had access to. So I feel like ingenuity is kind of a strong suit.

Griffin: I don't know how to describe this, but as you eat this dish, you feel this-- you feel a pulling at something inside of you. [music begins]

And you don’t know what it is, because in a way it’s intangible, but at the same time, it’s real, because you can feel it. The moment you eat this meal, the moment your mind starts reeling with all of these new culinary possibilities, a bond is created. And imagine a long thread with one end tied around you and another tied around a person, a moment.

When people talk about destiny, this is the kind of thing that they talk about. And you feel it now, because there’s so much power in it, Taako. And whatever’s on the other end, whoever, they feel it too. And you feel it the entire time that you're eating this dish. And as you just kind of come to your senses and look down and your plate’s empty, because you just finished. And Lup’s like,



Griffin: And I think just at times when you're not doing something, and you're not running away from the apocalypse, and you're not fighting off the horde of darkness, in the quieter times, when you don’t have much else to do, you just think about this dish and you think about that feeling of something waiting to be unlocked.

Justin: Mm-hmm.

Griffin: I don’t think-- it’s not tormenting you. It’s just there, and it’s inside of you, and you reminisce about it. And I think maybe you try to recreate this dish from time to time, and you can do it fairly well. But it’s not the dish you wanna-- it’s not the dish you wanna make.

Justin: Yeah, it’s like a dream that I just barely-- I just woke up, and I could just barely sort of remember, but every time I grasp a fragment of it, it dissipates in my hands like sand.

Clint: Wow. that was beautiful.

Justin: Mm-hmm.

Griffin: Let’s say this roll represents your-- no, you know what, you found this restaurant with that good mind roll. And I think just also in this one night, you learn more about cooking than the 30-odd years that you’ve been on this journey. So go ahead and take +2 experience.

Justin: Nice.

Griffin: And Merle, let’s get to your thing. {25:54} So Merle, you have been training. You spend this year training here at the First Monastery, and you've been living at the monastery. And that has maybe been a little bit uncomfortable, right. You don’t really know anybody there except for the Abbess, who sort of pitched you this deal that you would get the Light if you trained under her.

And it was a pretty slow start. A lot of just meditating in a room for days and-- [Clint groans] Carrying buckets of water to prove that you are patient. And I guess I can leave that up to you. What kind of spiritual training do you think Merle kind of underwent in this monastery?

Clint: I think he did a lot of looking within.

Griffin: Mm.

Clint: I think he used his third eye to look deep, deep into the maelstrom that is his soul.

Griffin: Shit.

Justin: Mm.

Clint: And found himself wanting. [laughter]

Griffin: Yeah, all right.

Clint: Lot of introspection, and reading? Would there be reading?

Griffin: Yeah, sure. There’s lots of books and lots of reading. I mean, this is a world of just full-blown harmony, and so all of these cultures sort of-- it’s not uncommon to just go in a library like the one in the First Monastery and find literature and textbooks and poetry and all kinds of arcane tomes from all these different cultures who are kind of sharing with each other to create a richer civilization for all of them. And so yeah, there’s books in here that are just, they’re unbelievable. And you also, I think, eat some great food here too at the First Monastery. I think they take pretty good care of you here.

Clint: And martial arts too, I mean, I assume. I’m learning, training my body.

Griffin: Yeah, fuck it. Why don’t you roll plus body real quick? I think there-- because there is sort of a, I think a, like physical training component to what you do here.

Justin: Hold on, time out. Dad’s making a jerk-off motion at me, so I assume he forgot his dice.

Clint: No, it’s a-- I forgot to grab my dice. Can I--

Justin: Go get your dice then.

Clint: Can I use your dice?

Griffin: He just needs--

Justin: No, because we’re gonna do this whole thing. {28:23}

Griffin: He just needs two six-sided dice.

Travis: You don’t use another player’s dice. What are you talking about?

Justin: I know. He’ll get his old man funk all over them.

Griffin: It’s two six-sided die. Just go crack open a Monopoly box.

Travis: Would you drive another man’s hog?

Clint: All right, wait a minute. So what am I rolling?

Griffin: Plus body.

Justin: Dice.

Griffin: Plus body.

Clint: Plus body, okay. That’s a five and a two and a minus one.

Travis: Whoops. Whoops-a-diddle.

Griffin: All right, so you're not-- yeah, you’re not so good. I was gonna give you an experience opportunity here, but I don’t think that you're-- you just never really pick up--

Justin: To be fair, he did have-- you did give him an experience opportunity. It’s just not one that he managed to capitalize on.

Griffin: Right, exactly.

Travis: We call that a stop-ortunity.

Griffin: You got a stop-ortunity. And so you prove that you're not so good at the physical stuff. And actually, the Abbess is a little bit concerned that maybe you don’t have what it takes to be a part of this monastery, but all of this introspection and quiet sort of reflection that you're capable of doing shows a profound sort of stillness that I think is what earns you the trust here at the monastery.

Travis: If I'm-- I don’t wanna fill in story for Merle, but I picture a scene where there’s a teacher sitting down to instruct him on the art of meditation and search of inner peace, and the instructor’s explaining to him that it can take a lifetime to find, and after like 45 seconds Merle’s like, okay, got it. Yup, I’m peaceful.

Griffin: Crushed. Super peaceful.

Travis: I’m done.

Griffin: Another thing is just to sort of play to your strengths, there’s a garden here. And you help it grow maybe. Like that’s sort of your whole-- that’s sort of your main strength. And seeing how this garden flourishes under your care, the Abbess Oriana calls you into her quarters and explains to you what the First Monastery has done. {30:10}

And what she explains is that the monastery and the people who train there have created a technique that they have taught to the different rulers across this entire world for decades now. And it’s allowed all these different nations to find peace during times of potential turmoil. And this power, she explains, is called Parlay.

And thanks to the training you've undergone, Merle, and the way you've sort of proven yourself, you are taught this ability also. And this takes like-- this is the rest of your year, working one-on-one with the Abbess as she teaches you this ability of Parlay.

And what you learn is that it allows you to summon any entity into an extra-dimensional space that you create. And in this room, you are able to communicate with your visitor and discuss terms of peace and sort of learn about your potential foe and in this place, sort of come to an understanding with them. But in order to do so, it requires an act of absolute humility, because at any time, the visitor, the person that you call into this space to talk about peace, can harm you or kill you, which kills you both in this space and in the real world, but you have no such option. You are there solely as a arbiter, as a peacemaker. You are humbly waging your life in an effort to cease conflict between yourself and a rival.

And so the different nations have been using this technique for years to meet with their enemies and discuss terms of peace with them in this place where they could be killed at any second. And in humbling themselves like that, they are able to find sort of the peaceful accord that this world has come to. And so you--

Travis: Griffin, is it possible that this might come up again some time in the future?

Griffin: It’s about to come up in the next 10 seconds.

Travis: Oh, okay.

Clint: And we have to do it naked, right?

Griffin: That’s up to you and your Lord. Yeah, it could be, maybe, if you want.

Justin: Sometimes people draw the things that we say with our mouths. I’d rather--

Griffin: That’s the other thing.

Justin: This not be something that we--

Clint: Okay, not naked. Not naked. Pants. Pants.

Griffin: Pants only. All right, that’s fine. And so you make it to the end of this year, and you are called to the Abbess’ quarters once again. And when you get there, the rest of the crew is there also, waiting for you. And this is sort of your graduation, Merle. And in order to get the Light, you will need to use the power of Parlay right now to make peace with your rival.

And thinking about it, and sort of I think you get some pressure from Davenport and Lup and Barry. They see this as an opportunity to talk to the Hunger, to find something in there that you can converse with with Parlay and try and find peace, because you haven’t been able to outrun it or escape it or kill it, and so maybe this is the option. And so that is the request that is put before you.

Clint: This feels like Michael Jackson’s Bad video.

Griffin: In what way does it possibly feel like Bad?

Travis: [crosstalk] Does it? Wait, what?

Justin: Is it-- do you mean Remember the Time?

Clint: Is that it? Is that [crosstalk] {33:57}

Travis: Or Smooth Criminal?

Justin: It’s the worst video ever made.

Clint: Oh, with the-- when they’re in the Egypt, and the Sphinx--

Justin: Yeah, that’s his Bad video.

Clint: Yeah, that’s what I was thinking of, the one where they’re dressed up like pharaohs.

Travis: No, that also doesn’t track. Hold on. None of this tracks.

Griffin: No, none of this really makes sense. This doesn’t--

Travis: Maybe if you said Thriller.

Clint: Hey, hey, whose adventure is this?

Griffin: I mean, right now it’s Merle’s.

Clint: All right, I’ll [clears throat]. Let me prepare myself for Parlay.

Griffin: Keep in mind, I wanna make sure the rules of this are clear. You do this and this power allows you to basically pull in somebody who you want to make peace with in this extradimensional space. And in this space, you can talk to them and make peace with them, but at any moment, they could kill you, and you can’t touch them. That act of humility is what is sort of the crux of that peacemaking process. So every time you use this, you are rolling the dice, so to speak, no pun intended.

Clint: Oh god. Wait, really. No, come on. There’s dice rolling? Come on, Ditto.

Griffin: There doesn’t need to be. [Clint sighs in relief]

Griffin: Yeah, what do you say to this proposal?



Travis: Greg Grimaldis.



Travis: Wow. Really. Did you study at UCB, Dad? You're amazing.

Justin: To be fair, to be fair you probably should have known that Bad Wheels were unlicensed Hot Wheels that were going to fall apart immediately.

Clint: Bad Wheels, get the track.

Justin: They say Bad Wheels right there on the package.

Clint: Yeah, that’s true. All right, who do you--



Griffin: Lup chimes in and says,



Griffin: God.



Griffin: Taako’s two rooms away.

Travis: [crosstalk] Taako’s two rooms away.

Clint: We’re livestreaming this so they can see it.

Griffin: As you're prepping, Barry walks over to you and he’s like,



Griffin: Nope.

Travis: That’s not her name.



Travis: You know it. Come on.



Travis: Yeah.

Justin: There it is.



Griffin: She walks over and says, and she kind of kneels down and she says,



Griffin: She says,



Griffin: And stands up. What does this look like? What does it-- when you use this ability, when you use Parlay, what does it look like to everybody else in the room? As you are sort of spirited away to this extra-dimensional place?

Clint: I am… you can still see my outline, but it’s like there’s no color at all. It looks like an outline of a dwarf made of smoke.

Griffin: Interesting.

Justin: I was hoping he would just sort of go glassy and fall on his face is what I was kind of praying for. Oh well.

Clint: There’s that. That could happen too.

Justin: Oh well. I like Dad’s.

Griffin: You see Merle I guess take his shirt off and sit down on a comfortable pillow, sort of in the center of the room, and you watch as in the blink of an eye, you just-- you kind of see his outline. And you kind of see just this smoke, this fog that is just sort of floating there where Merle was. And it’s more or less like static, and it’s, it’s, it’s kind of weird. It’s not drifting away in any way. It’s just in the shape of Merle, a Merle-shaped cloud of fog.

Merle, what you see is also-- [music begins] in the blink of an eye you are looking at this room, the Abbess’ quarters, and you blink, and you're in a completely different place. You are sitting in a very comfortable, very what we would think of as modern sort of office chair in front of a long table, and you are sitting in a board room. You're sitting in a board room, and it’s a really fancy board room.

You look out the-- one of the walls, the exterior wall of this room is just one huge window. And you can tell you're really high up. You're like 80 stories up in this board room of this massive skyscraper. And it’s pretty dim in this room,  but the sunset outside is casting a calming orange light into this room, drawing long shadows across this conference table.

And you're seated at one end of this table {40:38} and when you projected this space, when you used Parlay, you were just focusing on the Hunger. And what is sitting in this chair, at the other end of the room, with his back to that big window, is a man, a human man. And he’s got a fairly slim build. He looks to be in his early 50’s or so. His salt and pepper hair is extremely well-manicured and his face is smooth. He’s wearing a sharp gray suit with a really stylish narrow black tie and the most expensive pair of shoes you've probably ever seen. He looks really slick. And most of all, he look surprised.

Travis: It’s Sterling Cooper.

Griffin: And he clears his throat, and he tries to speak, but no sound comes out. He just kind of croaks. And he tries that a few times, and kind of looks exasperated, and then all of a sudden, there’s a pitcher of water on the table, and he pours himself a glass, and he takes a drink, and he clears his throat again, and he says-- I gotta think of what this guy’s voice is gonna be, because I'm gonna be using it a bit.

Travis: I'm really embarrassed because I didn’t realize Sterling Cooper was the name of the agency. I was trying to think of--

Griffin: And not the, yeah.

Travis: Roger Sterling. Anyways, I’m going to stick with Sterling Cooper, though.

Griffin: This very well-put together guy says,



Justin: I jump into the vision.



Travis: There we go.



Griffin: He kind of chuckles. And as he chuckles, he kind of catches himself.



Griffin: He says, and he--



Griffin: I think he stands up from the office chair he’s sitting in when he says that.



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: And he extends his hand, palm first, and you see this sort of black fire surround his hand and you feel this incredible pain as black fire spreads throughout your body from your insides out, just killing you in a second.

[music begins] And that, Merle, is how your meeting ended. Your first conversation of many that you would have over the following dozens of cycles with the man who became the Hunger.

{46:51} Money Zone begins

[music playing]

{52:06}

Griffin: And you wake up in the next cycle and relay some of this information to everybody else. And Barry seems disappointed. He says,



Griffin: What’s your-- when you do this, do you wait for the end of the year to-- the end of the cycle to have this meeting with the Hunger, or do you wanna just get it out of the way, knowing that--

Clint: No, let’s get right back in it. Let’s get right back in it.

Griffin: The very next cycle, you are in that space. You are in that high-rise conference room, and this time when this man sees you at the other end of the table, he stands up right away, and he says,



Griffin: [laughs] He sits down and pours himself a glass of water and says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: And he kind of crosses his fingers and sort of taps his fingers against the table, and he says,



[Travis laughs]

Travis: Is that the zone you’ve been looking for?



Griffin: He actually, as you keep going and going and going, he actually, the smile on his face kind of dissipates. And he says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He laughs and says,



Griffin: The way that I want this to work is we’re gonna talk, but roll plus heart and--

Clint: [grumbling] You said there wasn’t any rolling.

Griffin: You're good at heart, though.

Clint: 3 and 4 plus 2 is 9.

Griffin: Okay. with a 9, you can ask John a question. You can ask the Hunger a question, and he’ll answer it truthfully. He is also going to ask you a question that you must answer truthfully, and both of you will have something at the end of that exchange.



Travis: Man, just going right for it, huh?

Justin: Yeah.

Griffin: He smiles and says--

Justin: No favorite movie? Cake or pie?

Griffin: He says,



Justin: Uh-oh, guys. He’s after sick gains. I was afraid of this.

Travis: Oh no, not like this.

Justin: When a bro is after gains, sick gains, there’s very little you can do to stop him. I’m-I'm- I’m pretty worried now.

Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He extends his hand and there’s some fire there and says--



Justin: We’ve chosen the perfect person for this. It’s like sending a mildly eloquent pinata in.



Justin: Best of luck.

Griffin: He says,



Justin: Trying to get information out of this guy.



Griffin: He looks around and now he looks kind of nervous, and he says,



Griffin: And he kills you.

[Merle groans]

Griffin: Do you come back?

Clint: Heck yeah I come back!

Justin: What did I do that year?

Travis: Yeah, what’s Magnus up to?

Griffin: We’re gonna--

Travis: Lifting? Crunches?

Griffin: You're back in that room. It’s another cycle. Maybe not the very next one. I guess that’s up to you, but again, we’re kind of dealing in abstractions, and you're back in that room, and this time he’s kind of ready for you. He has two glasses of water poured. And he’s there before you, and he’s like,



Griffin: Roll plus heart.

[dice clattering]

Clint: Uh, 7 plus 2. It’s another 9.

Griffin: Okay, you know the deal. Ask him a question. He gets to ask you one.



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: You can just say, I answer him. We don’t-- obviously everybody listening at home has heard this before. And so we don’t have to necessarily play out your side. If you just wanna say, I tell him what the ship looks like, that’s fine.

Travis: You, Clint, don’t know, but Merle’s been in and next to--

Griffin: Merle definitely knows.

Travis: It many times.

Clint: I go into great detail. I grab a cocktail napkin, and I draw a fucking sketch for him, and he’s wowed by it. How’s that?

Griffin: He takes that sketch, and he says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He looks at his watch, and he says,



Griffin: And he kills you.

[Clint grumbles]

Travis: Can we check in with Merle before his next meeting with John?

Griffin: Sure, yeah. I mean, after every cycle, whenever you all pop back up on the ship, I think Lup and Barry and really everybody wants to hear, did you learn anything valuable? And you relate to them what you have learned.



Griffin: Let’s get into another one.

Clint: Oh god.

Justin: All right, the door opens.

[laughter]



Griffin: Ah, you're back in that space, Merle, and--



Griffin: Okay.



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: Roll plus heart for me. [dice clattering]

Clint: 7 plus 2-- I have rolled three sevens in a row! 7 plus 2 is 9.

Travis: It’s the most common [crosstalk] {1:05:53}

Griffin: It’s statistically the most likely number, yeah. He says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: Okay.



Griffin: And then he smiles, and he says,



Griffin: And he kills you. Taako and Lup and I think-- Taako, I think you're the one who does it, that year, that cycle, after Merle goes and turns all smoky. And I think every time that Merle dies in this place, the smoke just evaporates, and you know.

Justin: Just sweep him up. Just falls in a dust pile.

Griffin: No, it’s not like ash. It’s just like the smoke blows away, and he’s gone. That year, Taako, you're just doing your thing, I guess weightlifting, and Lup wants to practice some magic, just to make sure that you guys are staying sharp. And you cast Blink. And when you cast Blink, and you’ve done this a few times now, this is the first time that you see these figures.

They are these little white shapes, about knee-high. And they are just quietly watching you, like they are scouting you. And they’ve never been there before. You can’t seem to interact with them in any way. When they see you see them, they disappear. But after Merle’s first few visits with the Hunger, these scouts start keeping tabs on you. Let’s actually fast-forward a bit, because this is how Merle dies more than everybody else, is because he keeps diving into this parlay with John to try and learn more-

Clint: Okay [laughing]

Griffin: --it’s tough. I think you actually texted me a while ago, saying you wanted Merle to have this heroic death. You have like 50-some-odd ones at John’s hand alone. And so this is forward a lot. This is a lot of cycles forward. And obviously we’re gonna hop back into the place that we were when we start playing the rest of this game, but you're back in this space, and you see--



Griffin: [crosstalk] Yeah, it’s been--



Griffin: It’s been a couple dozen times. He has a chessboard set up. It seems like he can kind of make things in this space to make himself sort of more comfortable, and so you talk to him, and you're-- obviously there’s animosity between the two of you, right? Because he’s been killing you all these times, and he is this supernatural force that is pursuing you, but he sort of lets on that this is also the only time that he ever talks to anybody or exists as John. And so he kind of looks forward to it a little bit. He tells you that.

Clint: Yeah, yeah.

Griffin: And so this is a conversation that you have, and roll plus heart.

Clint: Come on, baby. Come on, baby. [dice clattering] [laughs] Look, look. There’s gotta be some reward for throwing four sevens in a row.

Justin: Mm, yeah, there is. You get a seven. That’s what you get.

Griffin: You get out of jail free. He says,



Griffin: You guys are playing, and-- actually, roll plus mind real quick.

Clint: Eight.

Griffin: Plus anything?

Clint: Plus one is nine.

Griffin: Wow, unbelievable.

[Clint laughs]

Griffin: You guys get each other in stalemate. Or no, just he puts you in stalemate, and says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He takes a big drink of water.



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He kind of laughs.



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: He says,



Griffin: Hm.

Travis: Not what I was expecting.

Griffin: But very fucking good. Gimme a minute, I’m reeling a little bit. The smiles drops from his face. And he stands up. And I think he reaches out his hand, with the fire. But he pulls it back down, and, uh, he kinda shakes his head and he says,



Griffin: And he looks out the window for like a minute without talking. And he turns back to you and says,



Griffin: He chuckles.



Griffin: [laughs]



Griffin: Um, I think his back is turned to you for most of this since he just kinda looks out the window and he says,



Griffin: He sits back down, uh, across the chessboard from you and he says,



Griffin: And he laughs and he says,



Griffin: And he says,



Griffin: And he kind of, chuckles, and realizes he got a little carried away there.



Griffin: He chuckles a little bit. And he-- he turns towards you and he says,



Griffin: And I think as he’s talking Merle, you see this scene outside, this constant orange sunset, start to turn inky and black, with these colorful ribbons of light that you’ve seen inside the Hunger so many times. And he says,



Griffin: He turns towards you and he says,



Griffin: And he holds up his hand, and says,



Griffin: He frowns. And says,



Griffin: And he kills you. {1:19:53}

Justin: So we hear about this from Merle, and he tells us the whole thing,

Griffin: I’m gonna set up the next cycle, just so that the ending isn’t quite as pitch black, and because I’m very excited about the next cycle. So, let’s just set it up, and then we’ll resolve it next time. Um, so the seven of you have been at this for, like half of the century now, this is Cycle 47, and as bizarre as your journey has been, certain things about it are formulaic.

Namely, your entry into a new reality has been the same every time. You pass through the barrier of realities, your physical forms are sort of stitched back together on your specific places aboard the Starblaster, you approach the twelve planes that make up this reality’s planar system, you lower down into the Prime Material Plane, and then you wait for the light to fall.

Your entry into Cycle 47, though, is immediately different. As soon as you cross the threshold-- during that crossing, in fact, you are assailed, by this, just, deafening, incomprehensible noise. It is, harsh and cacophonous, and, after a few minutes you kinda pick it apart, and you realize what you heard wasn’t just one noise, it was a ton of noises all sort of playing on top of each other.

And, after talking about it for a while, you sort of pick apart that you heard, like, dozens of songs and symphonies and poems, and, uhm, folk tales being told. For some reason as soon as you entered this plane, something projected all of these, like, compositions into your mind at once. And after a while they all settle, and your team is a bit shaken…

Was there anything in the noise that you picked out, that like kinda stood out to you? Again, like it could be anything. Songs, stories and poems. What did you hear that stuck out in your mind?

Travis: Well, as I think everybody knows… Magnus’ love of animals and, you know, his heroic start defending a dog. So he hears a haunting melody about dogs that have escaped, and the cry that went up from across the town of who let all these dogs escape? Where have these dogs gone? Who did this? Who? Who? Who? Who?

Griffin: Alright. I’m sorry I asked.

Travis: It’s haunting. It’s terrifying. Just the sheer panic in the people’s voices as they call for who the-- who’s the culprit? Who’s done this terrible deed?

Griffin: [pregnant pause] Yeah, alright.

Clint: I heard Cheeseburger in Paradise-

Griffin: [crosstalk] Excellent.

Clint: -the live version. The live one. Not, not the album.

Justin: I saw Paul Blart 3. That’s right, it’s coming, folks. [laughter]

Griffin: Yeah, I’ll accept all those answers. So, you lower down into this plane and you find a world and it is scarcely populated. There are these huge, barren patches of land that are just uninhabitable. But as you pursue the falling Light of Creation, you find a small continent that is lush and inhabited by several, sort of moderately sized kingdoms.

And you follow the Light to one of these kingdoms, and it is the kingdom of Legato. And, uh, you lower down and you find the-- you are taken before the Chancellor of Legato, who is a woman named Marlow. And she goes into some of the politics of this world and they are largely uninteresting. But you learn a few things about this world--

Justin: Which we remark on- we comment on that specifically.

Griffin: [chuckles] What you learn about this world is that each of the major kingdoms in this world have conservatories. Where artists come to hone their craft. And these conservatories are extremely competitive. This is another world where there’s not much military conflict to speak of. Everyone’s just on their grind to be the best in their artistic field and create these great works for their kingdom. And the kingdoms and their conservatories are all sort of encircling this gigantic mountain at the center of-- of this land mass.

And the other thing you learn when you’re talking to Chancellor Marlow: you bring up the Light of Creation and ask where it is and she says,



Griffin: Uhm, and she - you’re like, in her office. And she stands up from behind- from behind her desk and she says,



Griffin: And she checks her calendar- and says,



Griffin: And so Chancellor Marlow takes you to the Legato conservatory. And it’s just this big, circular compound with dormitories and stacks of studios and performance halls and open air museum spaces. It’s actually way more sophisticated and better upkept than the rest of the Legato kingdom. It’s like the jewel in their crown. But nobody’s here and nobody’s on this whole campus, so Marlow leads you down this winding road, down into a valley about a half mile from the campus towards this mountain.

And as you approach, this clearing at the end of the path right next to the mountain, you hear a piano. And as you turn the corner on the path, you see into this clearing and there’s a crowd of people all sitting in these white, wooden chairs, wearing their Sunday best and a young, nervous man is playing this remarkable piece on a large, black, piano that you’re not really sure how they got down here.

And standing behind him is an older woman. And Chancellor Marlow explains that’s his professor, and she’s turning the sheet music for him. And you all just stand there and take in this music and it’s incredible. And, behind this stage where he’s playing this music is this the mouth of an enormous cave, and the music’s just reverberating down this opening and all around the grooves of this valley. And when the song is over, the audience roars in applause. Chancellor Marlow does as well.

Are any of you particularly affected by, like, hearing a pretty song?

Travis: Magnus is. Don’t even-- don’t even get started. Magnus loves music. He’s crying his face off, but behind his cool guy shades so you can’t see it.

Griffin: Excellent. And the student up on the stage and the professor behind him hug, and she gives him an affirming pat on the shoulder, and then takes up all the sheet music off the piano and rolls it up and seals it. And the man playing the piano takes this composition and bows one last time for the audience, and then very nervously walks towards the mouth of the cave and places the sheet music on a pedestal at the mouth of the cave. And there’s just a silence over this crowd right now, everyone looks really, really nervous. Chancellor Marlow, right next to you, you can hear her saying under her breath, she says,



Griffin: And there is a light from the cavern. A flash of light that just consumes this pedestal with the sheet music on it, and there’s a dull roar. And when the light clears, the sheet music’s gone. And so is the song. You just, you can’t remember it at all. You just heard it, and it was beautiful. You heard it like a minute ago, but it’s just gone from your mind.

And the audience is just kind of standing, and they’re looking expectantly at the mouth of the cave and everyone’s waiting and this student next to his professor looks like he’s about to have a breakdown. He’s hyperventilating. She puts a hand on his shoulder to calm him, and after about a minute or so of silence, there’s another flash from the cave.

[music begins]

And the song instantly returns to you. It hits you, almost like with physical force. And we see everyone, in all the kingdoms and conservatories in this whole world, even the beings living in the other planes of reality, they all hear this song, too, now. And the audience just like, loses its mind cheering. Marlow cheers, too. She shouts,



And, everyone’s just like throwing their caps in the air, the student is like crying, just like weeping with happiness as this song is immediately implanted in everyone’s minds, in this whole world. And Marlow turns to you and says:



[End of episode]