Ep. 58: Lunar Interlude V - Reunion Tour - Part One/Transcript

Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

Griffin: Previously, on The Adventure Zone:

Griffin: And Magnus, all your belongings are piled up on the ground, but your body is gone.

Travis: My beautiful body!

Griffin: With her last furious act, Lydia destroyed your body.

Griffin: You all hand over your Stones of Farspeech and he crushes them in his hand. And-



Griffin: There is a six foot tall, glowing pod and inside we can see something...growing? Or rather, someone?

Clint:: HA!

Griffin: [Clint: still maniacally laughing] The membrane encasing this pod splits and green brackish fluid [Clint: claps] splashes out and onto the floor. And a stout, naked human man steps out of the pod and you recognize him instantly. Barry’s back.



Griffin: Um, you hear the coin chime in, actually, from across the room and it says,



Griffin: Um, I think at this point Barry has collected his supplies from the chest and gotten dressed and uh, sort of rolled up the map to the Bureau of Balance and tucked it under his arm and he says, um,



[They all laugh]



Griffin: Uh, the coin chimes in and says,

Clint: [laughing] You are disguised!

Justin: Yeah, nobody’s gonna fuckin’-

Clint: You’re a wooden man!



Clint: Well?



Griffin: Let’s talk-

Justin: Can’t be - can’t be Magnus.

Griffin: Yeah, let’s talk in - let’s talk in like...let’s come up with a game-plan. What-wh-, how, what’re you all doing, what’s your prep, what’re you doing, like I wanna get this - I wanna get this thing moving.



Justin: I - I’ll unroll a big scroll on the table or something.



Griffin: That’s it those are the only two mannequin references you can make!

Justin: [laughs] The only two that I have!

Griffin: Legally! Legally, or the FCC will come shut us down.



Clint: [grossed out] Euahhh!



Griffin: [crosstalk] Carving a full-scale man–

Clint: Well - I

Justin: [mocking Magnus’s voice] Well this is a man I made!

Clint: No, that’s why he kept collecting arms! So he would have [crosstalk] a model!

Griffin: [crosstalk] Oh, that’s good. That’s - yeah. I’m into that.



Griffin: Um, are you doing anything about Barry or are you just gonna bring him up there too?



Justin: Ummm…

Griffin: Just wanna have this figured out before - before we roll.



Justin: Yeah, no, we need a plan. I think the pocket spa could work for Barry, let’s do that.

Griffin: Mkay.

Justin: Barry are you-



[Clint laughs]



Griffin: Uh, okay, he hops in your pocket spa which shrinks down pokeball-style and you now have a pocket Barry.



Griffin: Alright!

Clint: Which we’re gonna have to have a doctor look at.

Griffin: It sounds like you guys are - are ready?

Travis: Sure!

Justin: [crosstalk] Hell yeah.

Griffin: [crosstalk] Anything else, any other details you wanna iron out?

Justin: Can I actually, you know what - just for, just for shits and giggles I’m actually gonna run a perception check, [sound of dice being rolled] I have a seventeen plus two, on the tank that um, Barry was in. Like, anything that I can pick up off of it? Investigation I guess should actually be the check.

Griffin: Um… I- I, arcana would be more appropriate? It’s just very [crosstalk] super magical object.

Justin: [crosstalk] Okay that’s an arcana check.

Griffin: Yeah, it’s - it’s a, uhh, it’s necromantic in origin, it is uhh, uh, currently sort of expended and it takes some time to recharge, but essentially it takes a person’s biological material and can grow a new body out of it, um, but it’s not like a cloning machine, like that body is essentially a corpse. Um, and so Barry has been using this to grow new bodies that he can sort of pop into in his lich form, umm, to - to continue his quest.

Travis: Cool.

Clint: So there’s no magic in it that the umbra staff could absorb?

Griffin: No.

Travis: [crosstalk] I also - I also wanna-

Griffin: [crosstalk] The umbra staff absorbs defeats, uh, uh, absorbs when a magic user’s defeated it absorbs their essence.

Clint: Okay.

Griffin: Yeah.

Travis: I also wanna scope up this this map that he’s been– laboriously working on, uh, to figure out the best path to get to the vault once we’re actually y’know-

Griffin: Uh-

Travis: In the moonbase?

Griffin: Yeah, sure I - it’s pretty straightforward, it’s leading straight into the sort of central dome that the, like, the relic -

Travis: Disposal?

Griffin: Disposal chamber, yeah, then, and like, and the main sort of throne room type area leading into the Director’s office. It’s in that room and it gets a little bit more granular once you’re inside there but I think we should - I think we should just move in.

Travis: Yeah, as long as we can reference it later.

Griffin: Yeah, for sure, you’ve got the map.

Justin: Yeah, yeah.

Clint: Mkay.

Griffin: Um-

Travis: Let’s do it.

Griffin: Alright, you all step outside from the cave and, um, it’s kind of rough out here? The storm clouds are now overhead, uh, but again it is not raining, it is not storming and sort of weirdly these clouds are still, they are not blowing and moving they’re just kind of still another think you uh - everybody roll a uh, perception check.

[sound of dice rolling]

[Clint laughs]

Justin: Uh, twelve.

Travis: I rolled a nine plus something.

Justin: [laughing slightly] Nice.

Clint: Yup, my luck continues. [crosstalk] I rolled a one!

Travis: [crosstalk] Nine plus zero. Alright.

Griffin: Taako, it is very faint but you notice that like, [clicks tongue] the grass ain’t as green. And the - the trees nearby, they look like they are...kinda wilting, a little bit, like it looks like the color is… being drained from - from the world around you. Um, uhh, you are outside and uhh, if you want to summon a lift up to the - up to The Bureau, you know how to do it.

Travis: I don’t know, Griffin. Prime time is gonna - there’s gonna be an increase of like 200% cost. [three seconds of dead silence] It’s a joke about lifts?

Griffin: Yeah, yeah I got you.

Travis: Okay. Okay!

Clint: Alright, I hit the Uber button on the, uh, on the bracer.

Griffin: Sure.



[Griffin laughs]



Justin: I reach into my bag of necessity here, not my bag of necessity just my regular inventory, sorry, I reach into my inventory and pull out my band of telepathic thought!

Griffin: Mmmm, that’s good.

Justin: That lets me uh, communicate with uhh, uhhh Mmmmmagnus - why, can we just– okay, listen, I know we’ve been doing this show for a couple years. Can I just like, tell you guys, fuck you for picking names that start with the same letter?

Griffin: [crosstalk] Yeah, it’s pretty -

Justin: Literally every time I talk about you-

Griffin: [crosstalk] It’s cruel.

Justin: I have to remember which one of you is which one, it’s really miserable for me. T! Taako! Tah-Taako! Easy to remember.

[Wheezing laughter]

Griffin: Yeah.

Justin: Muh-muh-muh-muh, who knows!?

Clint: Point, you know what, we’re learning all kinds of stuff about each other today, aren’t we?

Justin: Just kills me. Okay. Sorry. But I don’t remember, Griff, that was something I bought at Fantasy Costco I think?

Griffin: [voice increases in pitch] Yuuuup!

Justin: Oh you know what, it was a Fantasy Gashapon, yes.

Griffin: ‘kay. Uh, let’s not - let’s not worry about it, you can communicate with Magnus telepathically.

Justin: But the other cats can’t.

Griffin: No.

Justin: Can we just make it so they can, because I think it’d be weird-

Griffin: No.

Justin: No, no, you’re right. You’re right.

Griffin: When you slip on the telepathic band, you hear a voice and it is a very, very familiar voice and when you hear it your heart swells up. And you don’t - you don’t know why, and again, you don’t know who it belongs to and you don’t even know where it’s coming from, um, but it’s close by and you hear this voice and it, it sounds like somebody is sort of whispering to you from a few hundred feet away in a cave, you really have to listen for it, but this voice says,



Those are the only words that you can kind of hear repeating, trust Barry, love Barry. It’s - it’s trying to communicate something to you more like, panicked now, um, but as it is talking to you you hear the Voidfish’s static. She’s - and you hear this voice say,



Justin: Is it Kravitz?

Griffin: It’s not, no, it’s - it is a - it’s a woman’s, it’s a woman’s voice.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: It’s that same dissonance again where this voice is so special to you, like, and it’s like, infuriating, you can’t remember who it belongs to, you can’t remember why -

Travis: Is it like a sense memory where you like smell a smell and you feel positive and you don’t know why? Like you don’t know what it’s connected to?

Griffin: Yeah, it’s like that. Yeah.

Justin: Okay.

Clint: What about Merle? No, I tell you what, no, no, let me answer that.



Griffin: Um, the orb, you see it come down from that stormy sky very, very quickly but then its inertia sort of uh, slows down and it tumbles to a stop sort of right in front of you. Point of order, Magnus, you’re not wearing your bracer. It’s not - you have it, it’s in your inventory, but it - it, it’s not on your body. Um, which is not, I guess, of - of note, although it’s - it is kind of worth knowing. Your bracer was on your body and then when your body got ashed it was just sort of sitting in the ash and now you just kind of have it but you can’t really put it on ‘cause it’s still, like, closed-in.

Travis: Am I wearing my stuff? Or is it like, all wrapped up in like...a bundle in my bag?

Griffin: It’s up to you! Are you - are you wearing your stuff?

Travis: I think it probably makes more sense if I’m trying to sneak in and not look like myself if I’m wearing-

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: -whatever fancy elven armor the mannequin had on was.

Griffin: Alright, cool. We’re good.

Travis: But I’m still gonna keep it all with me, if you know what I mean.

Griffin: Sure. Yeah, absolutely. The hatch on the orb pops open, there are four seats and the little control mechanism that you’ve used a couple times now to get back up - up into heaven.

Travis: We get in.



Griffin: Alright.

Clint: And off we go.

Travis: It’s awesome.

Griffin: And up-

Clint: [begins to improvise an upbeat song]

Justin: Griffin composes music for this program, Clinton.

Clint: Sorry, right, I forgot again. Sorry.

Griffin: No, that’s it, that was - he actually got it like, [Justin mutters over Griffin] note for note that’s exactly - I was gonna do some clown bullshit.

[Reunion Tour by Griffin McElroy begins playing at the 0:40 second mark]

Griffin: I actually have it written down in my notes right here. It says uh, BPM 128 uh, 4/4 time, clown bullshit.

[Justin cracks up]

Clint: Oh, let me finish! [continues song]

Travis: I - I think that’s, I think the people got it.

Clint: Okay, good!

[voices fade out, music plays into the commercial break]

Griffin: Hey everybody this is Griffin McElroy, your dungeon master, your best friend, and your… just your best friend, I really wanna stress that one this episode. Thanks for listening to episode 58 of The Adventure Zone, it is the first of what will hopefully only be two parts of uh, the final lunar interlude uh, here in this campaign before we move onto whatever is next for The Adventure Zone.

{skipping from 32:29 to 39:45}

Griffin: We see the Astral Plane. Just a few hours ago. This scene is, no pun intended, dead. There are no lights below the surface of the endless lake, no movement from the water at all, no sounds of spirits drifting beneath, there's only the motionless storm, overhead. The thick layer of black ooze with ribbons of bright color sitting atop the water. We see the Eternal Stockade, the prison in which ill-tempered souls are kept, where escapees from the Astral Plane are detained and rehabilitated. It is a large, cold fortress, hewn from stone and reinforced with steel, sitting on a solitary island on this dead black lake.

And it is disquietingly still, and silent, for a long time, and then from far away we see a hand punch up through the oil-slick surface, sending the only ripples out from this scene for miles. Kravitz has thrashed his way out of the water, fighting through god knows what to break free. He hoists himself up and onto the island the Eternal Stockade is built upon, cutting strands of thick slime away from himself with his scythe, which he retrieves from the ether as he takes his reaper form. Hands attached to long, tenebrous arms materialize in the slime and fly in his direction--but he's too fast now, too aware. They won't catch him off-guard again.

He clears a few with a decisive swing of his scythe, then dashes backwards, throwing open a door to the Stockade, and barricading himself inside. It's dark and still in here, too, but--it's always dark and still in the Stockade. Kravitz had seen so much during his time as the Raven Queen's charge, things that most adventurers given ten lifetimes would never even dream of. Arcane cults worshipping dragons made of light, cities of vast machinery and towers of gilded iron, crystallized laboratories rescued by lovable doofuses...

But this scene, the world made ink black and frozen. He's never seen anything that could do this before. And if it’s happening in the other planes, he knows he has his work cut out for him today. He raises his scythe and cuts a familiar slice through the air. But no gateway to the living world opens up. He tries again and then a third time, to no avail.

He hurriedly falls to one knee, pulling a fistful of black feathers from a pocket inside his robe, he lays five feathers out in a circle, attempting to commune with the Raven Queen, seeking comfort and guidance... but for the first time since he joined her retinue, the Raven Queen doesn't answer.

Kravitz does not know what's happening, but now, he knows two things, at least. He is trapped. And he is alone.

Griffin: You, uh, lift up into the hangar. Uh, and actually on your way up the coin chimes in um, and uh, actually I - I think Barry probably handed you all the coin, uh, before he went - before he went into the pocket spa.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: Just, you can continue having this sort of line of communication with his spectral form.

Justin: Okay.

Griffin: And the coin - who’s got it? Who - who has the coin?

Clint: I’ll take it.

Griffin: You hear the button-

Clint: Is there a mute button? Is there a mute button, ‘cause that could be a problem.

Griffin: There is...yeah, there’s not. The coin chimes in and it says, uh, you hear Barry say,



Travis: Okay.

Clint: [very nervously] Ohhhhh…

Griffin: Um, alright.

Clint: [in a shaky high-pitched voice] I don’t like this, Scoob!

Griffin: You’re up in the hanger now and you pop up into sort of the, uh, uh, the launchpad and you pop up there and Avi is, like, gobsmacked to see you step out of the sphere.



Griffin: You, uh… Avi, Avi like runs to the front door of the hangar and he shouts, uh,



Griffin: And he - he runs over to the three of you and he’s like



Griffin: He doesn’t - he’s, he’s like… he’s in shock. And the- [crosstalk]



Griffin: -doors to the hanger get thrown open and you see uh, Killian and Carey- [crosstalk]

Clint: [getting progressively quieter] Oh shhhhit...shit...shit...oh…

Griffin: -and No.3113 and Davenport walk in. Um, and Carey - Carey runs towards the three of you and says,



Griffin: Uh, she like-



[Griffin and Justin try to hold back laughter and fail]

Griffin: This is very - this is such a sad-



Griffin: Uh, she kind of like, she’s… aw man. She takes this really rough, she kind of like collapses and Killian kind of has to rush in and grab her and Killian looks up and says,



[Merle and Taako get progressively more choked up]



Clint: Is there an Academy Awards for podcasting? Do they have that?

[Griffin laughs]

Griffin: Or for - or for roleplaying. Um, Killian says:



[Merle makes an exploding noise]

Griffin: Roll a, uh, roll a bluff check on that one?

Travis: But that’s true!

Justin: That’s, I mean that’s largely true.

Griffin: It is… fairly true.

Justin: [Snorts] Three.

Clint: Thirteen.

Griffin: Well you weren’t talking. Um, Killian says, Killian says uh:



Griffin: Killian says:



Griffin: Uh, and she, she kinda scoops up Carey and, and Noelle’s sort of helping Carey out too.

Clint: Aw.

Griffin: And it’s a - it’s sort of a, it’s a sad scene. And in the back of the room towards the door Davenport just kinda:



Griffin: And he is, he’s flanked by two guards and he’s standing next to a tray with one of those big lead balls on it, that you all have plopped the relics inside to be destroyed. And Killian says:



Griffin: Now this is a fuckin’ big ole lie. Ah, is it, I mean it’s a, it’s a lie, so this is gonna have to be a bluff check.

Justin: It’s a semi-lie. And I got a... four-a-rino on that one. [laughing]

Griffin: Um, I think Killian kinda stands up and now sort of Noelle is helping Carey out, and she says:



Travis: I think telepathically to Taako:



Griffin: Davenport clears his throat again.



Griffin: And kinda points to the - points to the orb.



Griffin: Bluff-a-fuckin’....bluff o’clock! What is this persuasion? Ok it’s, it’s half past persuasion time. It’s -

Justin: Well, I know, but by pretending I’m in a position of authority within this organization I can use my plastic sheriff's badge and add three to these bluffs.

Griffin: Ok, ok, ok.

Clint: And I rolled a sixteen on mine.

Griffin: Ok.

Justin: So I’m gonna bluff on that one. And I’m gonna add three, to get eighteen!

Griffin: Ok. She says:



Travis: Alright!



Clint: A double bluff! You rebluffed.



Clint: Undid the other one!



Griffin: And they - they, uh, the three of them head out but Davenport is still there with his retinue and the orb.

Travis: I clunk my way over.

Griffin: ‘Kay.

Travis: Or wait.



Griffin: Is this telepathic?

Justin: It should be assumed that if I’m talking to Magnus-

Griffin: Yeah, sure, got you.

Justin: - just as a contrivance we’re talking telepathically.

Griffin: Yeah, okay.



Griffin: He, uh, he sort of taps his foot, and he thinks for a second and he...hm...he… he shakes his head no.



Griffin: Um, Davenport like insistently, like:



Travis: I clunk my way over, and give -

Griffin: That was a good fuckin’ catch, Magnus.

Clint: Wow.

Griffin: Okay, uh, he just, he just points into the - right into the ball hole.

Travis: I wait.

[Laughter]



Travis: I do it.

Griffin: Alright, and Davenport shuts the hatch on this orb and starts to wheel the cart out of the chamber with his two guards, and the doors close behind him. And uh Avi - Avi is like, Avi’s really bummed out. He’s the only person still in here with y’all. Um, he’s just kind of - he’s polishing one of the spheres, and he actually pops open a flask and he’s like a little bit weepy. And, uh, he raises it toward you all and says:



Griffin: And he takes a drink of it.



[Crosstalk]



Griffin: Avi says:



[Laughter]



Griffin: Alright, um, you’re - you’re heading out?

Justin: Yeah.

Griffin: You step out to the main big grassy quad. Um, in the - in the middle of the bureau headquarters. There’s a few people milling about but most folks are actually inside, cause where you are, in the moonbase, you’re pretty close to the, to the storm above, and so I think most folks are just like “Oh, I don’t want to get rained on.” So they are - they are hanging out in their respective dormitories or wherever indoors. And, uh, following the map you are - you walk out of the hanger and towards the other end of the base. Um, and on your way, you walk fairly close to the entrance to Fantasy Costco. And the doors slide open, automatically. Automagically.

Travis: Ooooh!

Griffin: But the theme song doesn’t play. And it kinda looks like it’s been ransacked in there. And that’s all you can see from your position, of the Fantasy Costco.



Griffin: Um, ok, you uh, you head inside and you realize it hasn’t really been - it’s not like it’s been raided or anything like that, it’s just like - there’s nothing on the shelves. There’s big crates of stuff that have been sealed up, and there are some bags that have been packed up, and Garfield is just leaving. You can tell, like, Garfield is shipping out with all this stuff. And, uh, you see him sort of drifting to and fro....We’ve never described Garfield fucking at all which just explains why like most of the fanart of him is literally the orange lasagna cat.

Clint: Garfield.

Griffin: And I’m not about to start now, but he’s, uh, he’s drifting around and sort of getting things packed up. And he sees you three come in and he says:



Griffin: He turns, and says:



Griffin: He jerks his - he jerks his head toward you as soon as you say that. And he says:



Griffin: He, uh, strokes his chin and he says:



Justin: And I pull out a glossy 5x7, one of my portraits-

Clint: You couldn’t even go 8x10? [Laughs]

Justin: Well, no, no I was - I bought it on the cheap. This is all I had left.



Griffin: He laughs.

Clint: “William H. Garfield.”



Clint: Did you put a little heart, in the “I”?



Clint: Wow.

Griffin: He grabs it, and he just kinda cackles. He’s like:



Clint: [Laughing] It’s not even an 8x10.



Griffin: He says, he says:



Justin: Just so everyone knows, I have, I am using a 6th level spell slot currently.

Griffin: Okay?

Justin: I have used a 6th level spell. Um I don’t…

Griffin: You gonna tell - you gonna tell ‘cha boy what?

Justin: Yeah. I’ll tell ‘cha boy - yeah I guess it’s - it’s hard ‘cause you know you always want to keep that dramatic tension, but I guess you do have to say what spells you’re casting. That’s one of the gameplay issues. Uh, I’m casting Drawmij's Instant Summons on the Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom. Uh, it, I touch an object whose longest dimension is six feet or less, it leaves an invisible mark on its surface, and invisibly inscribes the name of the item on a sapphire I use as the material component. Uh, and at any time thereafter I can use the action to speak an item’s name and crush the sapphire, and summon it to me instantly.

[Laughter]



Griffin: His - his eyes light up. He’s like:



Justin: [Laughing] I just conned this dumb son of a bi- hold on.



Justin: And I hand it over.

Griffin: He smiles, and he says:



Griffin: He says:



Griffin: And he tosses you, Taako, a ring of keys. And he says, uh:



Griffin: And he twirls his cloak around him, and in a puff of smoke he is gone, and all of these crates and bags of - of stuff also burst in a puff of smoke and are disappeared. And you are standing in an empty Costco with the keys to the place.

Justin: Nice fuckin’ customer service, Jesus.

Clint: No followup, no receipt.

Travis: Yeah, he didn’t offer like a five year protection plan or anything.

Justin: Okay, so, do I - I guess I’ll head to the back. Is there a back? Is that where this blood is?

Griffin: Yeah, there’s a, there’s a door. It’s just like a door, it’s just like a - like an office door, with a doorknob on it. And the doorknob has a lock.

Justin: Okay, I open it with the keys, I hope. I guess I try them until I find the one that works.

Griffin: Yeah it takes - on like, there’s about 30 keys on this ring, but on like the sixth one -

Justin: Well let me roll on that. Okay, I got a 12. So yeah that sounds about right.

Griffin: Yeah, about the sixth. And you open up the back room to the Fantasy Costco. And back here are some more emptied out shelves, um, and there are some freezers back here, uh some - some storage freezers. Uh, just a lot of different sort of storage things. There’s a desk with like an accounting notebook on it. Um, there’s a cash register that’s emptied out, there’s a safe that’s been open and emptied.

Um, but then there’s a long table, and sitting on this long table are a few items that have not been taken out of here. And you see a battle axe, and you see a shield, um, and the shield has a little bit of blood on it, although it looks like some of it’s been scraped off. Uh, and there’s a deck of cheating cards sitting on this table. And then there’s some beakers, and a centrifuge sitting on this table. And, uh, next to this table with all of Magnus’s sold-back gear and lab equipment on it is a pod. And inside of it, you can see, through this green brackish fluid, you can see Magnus’s body.

And then I think we get another cutscene, and it’s actually that auction cutscene, and we see Barry there, and he’s placing bids, and we zoom out just a little bit, and we see Garfield sitting immediately right next to Barry, also bidding on these items.

And in front of you is a pod with a good, fresh Magnus body inside of it.



Griffin: It would be a - it would take a lot. I’m - I’m so in love with this that I’m not gonna interfere and tell you all -



Griffin: Um, I, the only thing I wanna say here, and I want to sort of put this doubt in your mind, you guys are making some assumptions about what he will and won’t remember. It’s not like he’s gonna be like a newborn baby, you know what I mean?



Justin: No, that - that tracks. To me, as I understand it.

Clint: And, and- think about it. It’s to our benefit, for once, in this lousy podcast, we’re thinking about somebody other than ourselves. We’d much rather have Meaty-Beaty-Big’n’Bouncy Magnus around.

Travis: Got it.



Clint: But we’re trying to think about you.



Clint: Ok, I put my hand up, I gesture for the mannequin to bend over, and I look him in the eyes and I say,



Griffin: Why did you say that?

Clint: I didn’t really, I didn’t really - I didn’t really think that out. I really thought it would sound much more dramatic.

Travis: You could have just gone with “That’ll do, pig” and it would have been better.

Clint: Yeah, “That’ll do, pig.” Ohhh man.

Justin: That’ll do, pig.

Clint: Can I do it again?



Griffin: I think so.

Travis: Perfect. Ok go. Go go go!

Griffin: And I think in fiction, you just do both things. Back to back.

[Laughter]



Griffin: Anybody - anybody else have a last thing they wanna say to each other, before you guys split up the party?

Justin: I, uh, will do this though. Just before we leave, uh, I leave a sapphire on the table next to the note.

Travis: Aw shit!

Griffin: What’s the note?

Justin: The note explains the situation and everything that he would need to know about the situation.

Griffin: What’s the no - gimme - I - this image is too good, ‘cause I imagine you had to write this very quickly. What does the note say?

Justin: The - it says, on there, it says:

Trust the voices in your head, and open your mouth, and let the first words you speak be “Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom.”

Griffin: Uh, and you leave that behind, and leave -

Justin: Oh, and then at the very - and it says:

P.S.

(That means “Post Script” in case you learned that after you forgot. P.S. means post script.)

You’re gonna wanna smash that bad boy too. Smash that, smash that bad boy.

Clint: And put some clothes on.

Justin: And put some clothes on.

Griffin: Uh, and the two of you walk out of the room and into the empty Costco, leaving Magnus behind with his body.

Travis: And as they walk out, I just want - this is what I want you to picture, for the mannequin body. I’m laying out all of Magnus’s armor and clothes, and goods, on the table, like laid out, you know like “these are yours.” Um, I pick up the old shield. I pick up the old battle axe. And I start walking for the Voidfish’s chambers.

[Reunion Tour plays]

Griffin: We see the floating Bureau of Balance headquarters. And, it's now. We see Magnus, laying out his possessions in front of his new body, his mind still addled with memories he cannot quite process or explain. We see Merle, the dwarven cleric and Taako, the elven wizard, departing a large, emptied out megastore and walking towards the main dome on the far side of the complex, still unsure in their stride. We see inside that dome, at the Director, making preparations to destroy the Grand Relic as Davenport delivers it. We see Angus McDonald, the world's greatest detective, watching this process intently, as he watches most things.

And we see Carey, inconsolable at the unceremonious death of her best friend. She's in her private quarters with her girlfriend, Killian, and her robotic teammate Noelle, neither of whom know exactly what to say... What do you say? We see Johann, who just finished restringing a fiddle, which he plucks happily as he begins composing a new meal for the Voidfish, which floats nervously in its tank.

And then we're back outside, and we pan up. And up. And up. Past the sky, past space, beyond the boundaries of the Prime Material Plane in which this story takes place. And we see more planes, now, the Astral Plane, the Plane of Thought, the Elemental Planes, all of them, all twelve planes that make up our Planar System, moving in perfect orbit, perfect synchronicity, sustaining each other in a meticulous, demanding dance.

And then, we pan up. And we see a thirteenth plane, descending.

It is a disk, of shimmering, living darkness, crossed with ribbons of bright blue, red, green, gold, it is larger than the other planes combined. And as it lowers, slowly, bright, white eyes begin to open all across the underside of this plane. Millions of them. Burning with malice and– Hunger. All focused inward and down back down, all the way, back down, on the floating headquarters of the Bureau of Balance. And somewhere inside of that living plane, we see a smile flash across someone's face.

[music fades out, maxfun endcard]