Ep. 50: Lunar Interlude IV - The Calm Before The Storm

"Ha! Bet you goobers didn't see that one coming! What other tasty turns and twists await you in... the Adventure Zone!?"

Synopsis
''Our heroes have some well-earned free time between missions, although some of their sidequests are a bit more relaxing than others. Enjoy it while it lasts, fellas. Taako has a date with death. Merle spends time with some VIPs. Magnus takes a swim.''

The Tres Horny Boys have some mysteries about themselves to solve, and some secrets they'd like to keep.

Taako
In the last episode, Taako was visited by Kravitz, a bounty hunter who works for The Raven Queen. During this visit, both of them had a long off-screen conversation about the people of Refuge's situation, and whether or not the boys should be taken in for the number of the times they died during their time there. Their conversation was cut short, however, when Kravitz was summoned to hunt another bounty for the Raven Queen. Before leaving, Kravitz attuned Taako's Stone of Farspeech to his own, and told him that they'll continue they're conversation at a later date. Taako, wanting to take initiative and also wanting to sway Kravitz to his way of thinking, invites Kravitz to the Chug N Squeeze to discuss the additional deaths in Refuge.

Taako manages to book two seats for him and Kravitz at one of the Chug N Squeeze's Cab and Vase classes, and gets there early to prep his station. Also at the Chug N Squeeze are Killian and Carey, who are there on a date. After a long while, Kravitz finally comes in, hangs up his cloak, and sits uncomfortably next to Taako, unsure of why he would bring him to a place like this. Kravitz asks why Taako would pick a place like this to finish their conversation instead of just finishing it in their dorm, and Taako explains that, ironically, he thought things might get weird, but now he clearly sees that this wasn't that great a choice either. Also, he was afraid of being alone in the same room as the guy who tried to kill him and his friends a few months ago. Kravitz tells him not to fret as he's not here to collect a contract on the boys or the people of Refuge, as none of them currently have any bounties set on their heads at the moment. Rather, he just wants to know what makes Taako and the boys so special, seeing as he's never seen any other group of people who can consistently do the things they do on a daily basis.

Kravitz lets out a small chuckle at this, and praises Taako for his "renegade spirit". Taako, getting back on topic, points Kravitz to the middle, flat part of the bowl. He tells him that this is the part where everyday, regular "Joe Pastas" fall under, and also the only part people who maintain the status quo, people like Kravitz, should be concerned with. As long as Kravitz keeps this group of people under control, he says, and as long as he keeps the herd thin there in that part, everything will continue to be fine.

Kravitz is taken aback by the honesty of Taako's answer, and Taako responds that if he "can't be honest at the Chug N' Squeeze then frankly, my man, I don't know where I can." As far anyone else is concerned, his days as a celebrity chef is over, and, due to the nature of his job, he can't put any of the cool stuff he's done working for the Bureau on any future resumes, so what else can he do? Kravitz can relate to what Taako is feeling, and explains that he never thought in all his life that he would land a job working as a bounty hunter for the goddess of death.

Kravitz tells Taako that he appreciates him being open and honest, and, hoping to sell Taako's case to The Raven Queen, asks him much more death he can expect from the boys.

Kravitz closes the boys' and Refuge's case, and the two of them spend the rest of their time together drinking wine and making vases. Cut to nighttime, where a tipsy Taako and Kravitz are making their way through the grassy quad of the Bureau HQ, their vases in tow. Kravitz stops to ask Taako if their meeting/date was for business or pleasure, and Taako tells him it might've been a bit of both.

After Taako says that, Kravitz takes a step backwards, and he goes full Grim Reaper mode, skull face, scythe, and all. Kravitz tells Taako that he senses something that he sensed when he first met the boys. Something very powerful and very dead. Kravitz turns his back to investigate the quad for the source of this magical energy, and, as he does so, Taako's Umbra Staff begins to rise on its own, and begins pointing at Kravitz's back. Taako sees that the staff is charging up a spell, so he forces it upward, where it shoots a Scorching Ray into the sky.

The sound of this happening grabs Kravitz's attention, and Taako explains that the Umbra Staff just tried to kill him. Kravitz inspects it, but sees nothing out of the ordinary with it. He tells Taako to get it checked to see if it's cursed or possessed by a lich, and prepares to leave through a rift he cut open.

And the rift closes.

Merle
Merle is on a secret away mission in Neverwinter, something he's been doing frequently on the days where he's not getting nearly killed. Specifically, he's at the Sea of Gardens in Neverwinter's Blue Light district, which is essentially a public park that also happens to be Merle's favorite part of the city.

Merle gets the impression that someone is following him as he strolls through the park, and is able to quickly spot someone in a feathered cap ducking behind a tree. He calls for whoever is following him to come out of hiding, and out from behind the tree steps Angus McDonald, boy detective. The panicking detective tries to apologize and explains that he knew about Merle's secret mission and tried to talk to him about it, but he got too nervous and decided to do some detective work on him.

But before Merle can do anything to Angus, he is tackled to the ground by a small dwarven boy with wild, dark hair, several missing teeth, and a beanie with an illustration of a hamburger on it.

Accompanying this dwarven boy is a dwarven girl who looks to be a few years older than him. She has straight red hair, glasses very similar to Merle's, and she's wearing clean linen robes with a book bag slung over her shoulder.

A confused Angus asks Merle who these two people are and how they know who he is. Seeing that the cat's out of the bag, Merle lets out a deep sigh and makes Angus promise that he won't tell anyone else what he's about to tell him, under the threat that, if he doesn't keep his promise, his "Adamantium" Spanner will make him go "splatskie". Angus crosses his heart, and Merle lets out another deep sigh.

Merle first introduces the nerdy looking one as Mavis, who does a little curtsy. She asks her dad about Angus, and he tells her that he's a boy detective, or something, that she shouldn't concern herself with as this will probably be the last time she'll be seeing or hearing from him. Merle introduces Mookie, his little fireball, next, who doesn't even acknowledge Angus' existence. Still pinning Merle to the ground, Mookie starts to once again demand that Merle tell him what he got him from his last adventure.

Mavis walks over to Angus, and explains that she is Merle's daughter by marriage, Merle having had a short-lived marital union with her mother, Hekuba Roughridge, and that Mookie is a result of that union, making him her half-brother. Angus can only stand slack-jawed at this revelation, and Mavis goes to lift Mookie off their dad. She asks Merle about his latest adventure, and he explains that it involved giant worms and him and the boys dying a lot.

Merle tells Mavis that he's also got a gift for her, and he hands her a Stone of Farspeech so they can stay in touch more often.

For the rest of the day, Merle spends some quality time with his kids and Angus. Merle pulls Mavis off to the side to ask her a question while Mookie starts trying to wrestle with Angus, who's definitely never wrestled before.

Merle asks Mavis how Hekuba's been doing since he left her and the kids, and she tells him that, in addition to her pearl farm being productive this year, she's started dating Glymeth of the Coralheart Clan. Merle is somewhat surprised by this news, but is happy that she's doing well these days. Mookie takes a break from destroying Angus to interrupt their conversation by asking his dad how much longer he'll be adventuring for. This leads Merle to suggest that maybe, when he's done with this current gig, he and them could start their own adventuring business. Merle reassures them that it'll be alright, as they'll have ol' dadski around to protect them from danger.

Angus can only respond to this clearly false claim with a big fake shit-eating grin and a thumbs-up. Merle responds by glaring at him and putting his hand on the Adamant Spanner threateningly. Cut to late at night, where the four of them are crossing the bridge leading out of the Blue Light District to head to the boat docks so Merle can get his kids back to their mother. As Mavis goes to console a grieving Mookie, who's upset that the sweets shop near the docks is closed, a curious Angus asks Merle why he hasn't told anyone at the Bureau about his children.

Angus assures Merle that, after seeing him today, he shouldn't have to worry anymore if he's a good dad or not. Merle thanks him and tells him that he appreciates the compliment, and he trusts Angus not to let word of this get out. Because if he doesn't, he knows what will happen.

Merle hears some commotion about eighty yards ahead from him, and he sees a huge, runaway wagon loaded with crates of trade goods barreling down a long staircase towards the dockyard, where Mookie and Mavis are currently situated. Unfortunately, Mavis is too busy trying to wrangle Mookie away from the candy store to notice the wagon that is flying directly at them, and Merle is too far away for him to be able to do anything except run towards them and watch what happens next.

Just as the wagon is about to collide with Merle's children, it suddenly swerves right and crashes into the front of the candy shop. As Angus sprints towards the kids, Merle sees, off in the distance, the same red-robed figure him and the boys have encountered dozens of times now.

Magnus
Magnus is having a rough time dealing with the revelation that was shown to him in the scroll that June gave him at the end of the Eleventh Hour arc. While his mind can understand that this himself wearing the red robe, it can't seem to comprehend whether or not this means he a Red Robe or not. Almost like someone or something's blocking him from thinking any more about it than he already has. Figuring this might have to do with the Voidfish, Magnus decides to go to visit it at its chambers late at night. He puts his hand up to the glass, and the Voidfish puts a tendril where his hand is.

It starts to sing another refrain of the song it sang during Lucas' visit, and motions to the top of its tank. Magnus climbs a ladder (one-handed) leading to the lid of the tank, and, after stripping to his fantasy MeUndies, hops into the Voidfish's tank.

Once in the water, Magnus discovers that, oddly, he can his keep his eyes open in the Voidfish's water and that they don't sting. The Voidfish touches Magnus on the forehead with one of its tendril, causing his vision to go dark, and he recalls a memory from the Voidfish's perspective of a dark cave filled with shimmering crystals and other Voidfish of varying sizes. These other Voidfish seem to be communicating with each other of a coming storm that will doom their home and world, and how, as a defense, they've isolated themselves far away from it.

The vision suddenly turns to static, and the Voidfish pulls away from Magnus in shock. Magnus goes up to get a good gulp of air, and, once he returns, sees that the Voidfish seems kind of scared. After hesitating for a moment, The Voidfish touches his forehead again, and shows Magnus a memory of it being carried away by a Red Robe sprinting towards a silvery ship that is starting to lift into the air. The vision turns to static again. Magnus asks if it can hear him, which it confirms by singing at him, and he asks why it's showing all of its memories. It shows him the same memory again, a few seconds before it statics out, and this time Magnus sees that the skies are pitch black.

Seeing as the Voidfish can't speak, Magnus has it answer his questions by having it flash once for yes and twice for no. Magnus goes back up for some air, and comes back to see that the Voidfish is spinning, like it has an idea. It touches Magnus and shows him a vision of a galaxy, but it quickly statics out. After a few more tries, with the vision becoming more and more abstract with each attempt, it finally manages to abstract it down to looking like a child's drawing, which Magnus can see without it being interrupted by static.
 * Q. Is that a vision of the past? A. Yes
 * Q. Is that a vision of my past? A. None
 * Q. Is that a vision of your past? A. Yes
 * Q. Were you separated from your family? A. Yes

Magnus sees twelve circles of all different colors all arranged in a larger circle, and they're rotating in perfect harmony with each other. They continue this orbit for a few seconds, and then a bright white circle of light flies in and lands in the middle of their dance. For a moment, these twelve multi-colored circles rotate a bit faster, with more complex rhythms, spiraling inward and outward, all with that white light at the center of it. During that movement, another shape appears, and it's a huge black circle that slowly encompasses everything Magnus sees. And it grows larger with each circle that's consumed, and then it's just that big black circle, all menacing and stationary. But then the white light shoots out of its mass, out of its side, and flies away, and then the black circle moves slowly in pursuit. And then the same cycle happens again, of the spinning circles and the light appearing and then the big black circle coming to devour all of it.

After watching this cycle about four or five more times, Magnus goes up to get some air, and then comes back down to ask some more questions.
 * Q. Does this have anything to do with the planes that Lucas was working with? A. None
 * Q. Are you a prisoner? A. No
 * Q. Would you like to be free? A. It sings another refrain of its song, and then becomes exhausted
 * Q. Should I trust the Director? A. "It doesn't answer you. It doesn't know how."

Magnus exits the tank (after putting his clothes back on) and, before he can leave the room, is stopped by the Voidfish slamming into the glass and singing another refrain of its song, and it motions with its tentacles to Johann's desk. Magnus digs through the contents of the desk and finds a composition labeled "The Voidfish's Lament". After reading through the composition a couple of time, he is able to decipher, using his limited musical knowledge, that the notes read together spell: E-G-G B-A-B-E.

[Money Zone]

Fantasy Gashapon
The boys head to Fantasy Gashapon to possibly wreck Leon's life even more than they already have. Magnus sprints into Leon's office and, without hesitation, slam-dunks his token into the coin slot and turns the handle. Leon can only cry tears of joy. Travis rolls a 14, and a small capsule containing a copper ring pops out. Leon looks through the ring section of his tome, and discovers that this is: Merle steps forward and attempts to bounce the token off the ground and into the coin slot. Leon starts freaking out, and Magnus reminds him that he was a "good gashapon boy".
 * Ring of the Giant Slayer: A dingle-dongler finger ring that grants the wearer +1 Attack against and +1 AC versus attacks done by enemies who are of the size category Large.

Merle rolls an 18 on Wisdom, and... misses the coin slot completely.

Merle begrudgingly inserts the coin, and Clint rolls a 6. A 3-ft long capsule pops out, and inside it is a broom. Leon looks through his tome and finds that this is: Leon looks at Taako with a stone-faced stare, not saying a word. Taako walks dutifully across the room, puts his coin into the slot, and Leon hears the sound of the handle turning. Leon, weeping, falls to his knees and thanks a god the boys have never heard the name of before. A coin then flies across the room and smacks Leon in the face, 'cause that Taako was actually a clone created from the spell Mislead.Leon doesn't even react to Taako's trickery, as his actions have completely broken the poor man. Taako claims victory, and plops his token into the slot. Justin rolls a 16, and a capsule containing a small arm bracelet pops out. Leon is completely frozen in place, so Taako takes the tome and discovers that this is: Having finally broken Leon, the boys head out to everyone's favorite retail shopping franchise.
 * Broom of Flying: A wooden broom, which weighs 3 lbs, that functions like a mundane broom until the user stands astride it and speak its command word. It then hovers beneath them and can be ridden in the air.
 * Band of Projected Thought: The user can communicate telepathically with any creature they can see within 30 feet of them.

Fantasy Costco
"Fantasy Costco, where all your dreams come true!""Got a deal for you!"

New in stock are:

Merle buys the Ring of the Grammarian and decides to stash away the remaining 1100 for later so he can buy the Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword Of Doom. Someday, if he makes enough money.

Magnus buys the Pocket Workshop, and, because it doesn't come with the advertised distortion field, gets Garfield to include the Grappling Hook as well...if he's willing to make a deal.Garfield tells Magnus that he wants a bit of his sideburns, but Magnus explains that he drank a magic potion that keeps his facial exactly the same. Luckily, Garfield just happens to have another potion that cancels that potion out. Magnus willingly allows Garfield to pluck off five, and only five, of his sideburns hairs, and he buys the Grappling hook and the Pocket Workshop for 1800 gold.

Taako buys The Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles and the Rickul Axager's Pocket Guide to Adventuring, Third Edition (giving up his Ring of Pointing for store credit). Taako takes a look through the Persuasion section of the Pocket Guide, and tells Garfield that he would like to conduct another transaction.

Taako rolls an 18 on his Persuasion check, and is able to convince Garfield that he did not just make a bad deal. He hands the sword to Taako, and is given The Slicer of T'pire Weir Isles in return. Taako straps it to his back, where it will remain for the rest of their adventures.

Character Management
LEVEL UP TIME! END LEVEL UP TIME!
 * Magnus is now a Level 10 Fighter!
 * New Abilities:
 * Indomitable - The player can reroll a saving throw that they fail. If they do so, they must use the new roll, and they can't use this feature again until they finish a long rest.
 * Precision Strike - When the player makes a weapon attack roll against a creature, they can expend one superiority die to add it to the roll.
 * HP: 118
 * Taako is now Level 12!
 * HP: 64
 * Merle is now Level 12!
 * HP: 71
 * Spells
 * Can now cast Level 6 spells

Epilogue
Begin transcript:

''Okay. So, you all aren't seeing this; Taako, Merle and Magnus aren't seeing this, this is just sort of like a shot in the movie that the audience is seeing. And what we're seeing is a disheveled study of somebody who's preparing for something big. It's somewhere underground; there's a chill in the air, permeating these wet stone walls, and the room is lit by several dozen candles, which are all arranged around the desk, which is piled high with magical tomes and piles of maps.''

''Behind that desk is a large wooden board that is displaying a map of the whole of Faerun, the continent that this story takes place on, and there are strings connecting images and diagrams at certain points on the map, like Phandalin and Armos and Greenhold and Rockport and Goldcliff and Neverwinter. And all these different cities are sort of connected by this web of strings and pictures and diagrams. And it's the board of somebody who's been tracking the Relics and the Bureau intently.''

''Other than the candles there's another source of light in this room, which is a six-foot-tall glowing pod that stands on the opposite end of the room from the desk, and it's full of a swirling green liquid, and inside we can see something growing, or rather, someone growing. There's a body being created inside of this pod, but the liquid inside is too opaque for us to see who it is.''

And the last thing we see is the desk again, and there's a scroll that is unfurled and held in place by four candles, one at each corner, and this scroll is an incredibly detailed map with a route drawn through it in red, and it is a map depicting, with perfect accuracy, the headquarters of the Bureau of Balance.

[Theme Tune Plays]

Featured NPCs

 * Kravitz
 * Angus McDonald
 * Mavis
 * Mookie
 * Voidfish
 * Garfield the Deals Warlock
 * Leon the Artificer

Featured Music
Into the Quarry

Featured Locations

 * Bureau of Balance
 * Chug N Squeeze

The Phone Call Interlude aka. Possibly the Best Moment in TAZ History
Too long, so listen here.