The Adventure Zone: Dust - Episode 1/Transcript

Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

Travis: Previously, on The Adventure Zone:

Justin: I’m playing a ghost. His name is Augustus Parsons.

Clint: My character’s called Gandy Dancer. She’s a wizard.

Griffin: His name is Errol Ryehouse. He is permanently half-transformed between human and werewolf.



[Theme music (The Adventure Zone: Dust Theme by Griffin McElroy) plays]

Travis: Here we are. Episode 1, offish. Um.

Justin: [crosstalk] Wait, gonna roll a—

Griffin: [crosstalk] Wait, the arc is called “Fish” now?

Travis: “Offish,” like “official.”

Griffin: Welcome to The Adventure Zone: Fish. What’s going on under-?

Travis: Fish. No that’ll be the sixth one if I know my alphabet correctly.

Clint: Yeah.

Griffin: We are doing that, right?

Travis: The next one is “Extravagance.” Um, so, I was just gonna jump straight into the story but last night, as I was figuring stuff out, I came up with a mechanic that I really, really like that I’m gonna share with y’all. Because I set a kind of time limit on the story, I was trying to figure out a good way to like, work that in to the game. So what it’s gonna be is, I have mapped out a certain number of beats in each hour so you can go to different locations. You know, so for example, during the hour of midnight you could go to two or three locations.

Griffin: I love that.

Travis: Then the time will move forward. Now the reason—

Justin: That’s cool!

Travis: Now the reason the two or three is— The other part of the mechanic is you have the option to either completely separate or go to places together. If you go to places together, you only have time to do two. But if you separate, you have time to do three beats. And the problem is if you are by yourself, you are without the faction help and the skills of the other people, but you have time to do more investigating.

Clint: And I’ll miss you.

Griffin: It’s funny that you came up with that independently, because there’s a— I think a Sherlock Holmes Powered By the Apocalypse game. I’ve heard it a couple times on the “Friends at the Table” podcast that has basically this exact mechanic in it. And I always thought it was really neat.

Travis: Excellent. Well, I’m a genius. And to put a little-

Griffin: Or a thief. Or an idea thief. Copyright thief.

Justin: [underneath Griffin] Or a thief. A thief.

Travis: One of those two. No, I definitely did not steal the idea. Came to me last night, in a dream. Um, also—

Justin: While he was listening to his favorite sleeping podcast, “Friends at the Table.”

Travis: To add a little bit more, kind of pressure to this kind of old West, police procedural I’ve written, certain characters will be unavailable during certain times. Either they’ve, you know, gone to sleep, or they are at work or whatever. And certain locations will be unavailable during certain times. So like, if you don’t go talk to somebody in say, midnight or 1:00 to 3:00, you won’t get a chance to talk to them after that.

Griffin: Killer.

Justin: Cool.

Travis: So…

Justin: Everybody’s asleep, also, because it’s midnight to 8.

Griffin: It’s midnight, what are y’all doing?

Justin: That’ll do it, folks.

Travis: So, we’re gonna start in the sheriff’s office and this does not count towards your time. Um, we are probably only gonna get to the midnight beats, I think, in this first episode, because there’ll be a lot more to talk about here.

Griffin: Yeah.

Travis: So, also! I should also say that in Urban Shadows, usually at the beginning of a session, the players will go around and say who they distrust, what other player character they distrust the least, and there’s a whole thing about setting up, but the Master of Ceremonies has the option to skip that if you’re starting in the middle of a chaotic situation where there’s already a lot of information revealed. So-

Griffin: [interrupting] Let’s do that.

Travis: I’m gonna invoke that just because we already have a lot to figure out. I don’t want to add more stuff to that and complicate it.

Griffin: I'm going to say I don’t like Jeremy, the silent fifth member of the Adventure Zone podcast, who is playing the character of Pervis.

Travis: Take that, Pervis.

Griffin: No, take that, Jeremy, you big donker.

Travis: So, scene: smash cut. So you’re in Sheriff Connors’ office, it doubles as the jailhouse. There are three cells across the backside of the building. In cell number one, which is on the far left as you’re looking at them, you can see a shape that you know is Dylan Mathis curled up on a cot. Dylan is facing away from you, so it’s hard for you to tell if he is sleeping or simply trying to stay as still and silent as possible. Trying to keep himself out of the world. I should also say that you have been briefed by your agency before you came here, so there will be certain things that you already know about the inhabitants and the town, and there will be other things that you will have to search out and find out on your own.

Griffin: I assume you’re gonna tell us the first things when they are relevant.

Travis: Absolutely. And those will be the things that you know from, like, putting a name to a face or that kind of stuff. I can tell you, like, who has the business interests and where things are in the town, but as far as the interpersonal connections and who distrusts who and all the gossip? That stuff you’re gonna have to figure out on your own.

Griffin: Broad strokes, because it’s been about three weeks since we recorded the setup episode, remind me [hesitantly] the Mathises...run the...copper mine?

Travis: Yes, the Mathises are the lead Fur family in town. They run the silver mine. The Blackwells are Fang leaders in town, and they run the copper mine. Sheriff Connors is… the sheriff. His deputy is Rosa, and they kind of constitute the leadership of the Fleshes. But the Fleshes aren’t as— If you think about the nature of a pack or a family, the Fleshes aren’t as tightly knit as either the Fangs or the Furs. So when we start the scene, we kind of start in medias res, as they say, and Connors has been explaining to you that they found Jeremiah Blackwell’s body in the center of town at the intersection that’s kind of like, the main part of town and over him, covered in blood, was Dylan Mathis. So they took Dylan in under the cover of night, there was only a few witnesses and… that Connors was able— Connors and Rosa were able to talk to people and kind of keep it quiet, but they know that once the sun comes up and everyone’s up and getting ready to go to work, they’re not gonna be able to keep this quiet and it’s gonna be out of their hands. So they’ve been able to brief you a little bit about who was there, and we can get into that when you’re exploring your options of where to go next. But when the scene starts, Rosa is kind of nervously looking out the front windows.





































Griffin: Gandy owes me a Debt for having to listen to that joke.

[Clint laughs]

Travis: That’s fair.







[Clint makes spooky laugh noise]





[Clint laughs]



Travis: I’m going to take a quick second here to tell you what you know about Sheriff Connors–

Griffin: He loves ghost jokes.

Travis: It will explain to you why that didn’t maybe have the impact you were hoping for.

Clint: Why it didn’t land.

Travis: Yes. Sheriff Connors belongs to a group called the Law. And the Law exists in these unincorporated territories where there is no kind of government established. And the Law is more of like a… a powerful sect, if you will. They are all tainted, but not in the way that you think. They are connected to a demon, but it is a demon whose specialty is justice. But kind of justice in the terms of like, Judge Dredd justice? This is not about right and wrong or morality, this is about the letter of the law, and so with that, he has been granted certain perception abilities. Certain abilities to be able to discern whether someone is lying, [Griffin: Fuck!] it’s not so much a, uh, you know the ability to say, “Ah, the truth is blank,” but more of like, “I get the feeling you’re not telling me something,” which—

Griffin: Can I… can I change characters and play as Sheriff Connors? ’Cause he sounds rad.

Travis: Yeah, it’s pretty rad. And as such, that is why, and because you have to imagine people who come through any kind of sheriff’s office door will say “I’m innocent, I’m innocent,” but there was something about Dylan saying “I didn’t do it” that kind of rang true to Connors’ ears. The only reason— [Griffin: We’re here] he’s giving this the benefit of the doubt.

Griffin: Alright.















Travis: Cool! So you want to go talk to Dylan.



Travis: Dylan doesn’t move. You can see that Dylan is still breathing. So, he’s definitely alive, and that’s about all you can tell from him lying there.

Clint: Is he wearing the same clothes he had on when he was incarcerated?

Travis: Well, he’s kinda taken off his overshirt that was the most soaked in blood, he’s down to like, kind of a… underclothes as far as his top goes, but you can still see that there are some blood stains on it. This was a loooot of blood. I mean, yeah, he was incarcerated about 20 minutes ago. So it’s still pretty fresh.

Justin: I don’t think that— this may not come up, but just for the record, I can be heard and seen now but can’t currently touch or be touched by anything.

Griffin: Fantastic.

Travis: Got it.

Griffin: And he’s not responding as I yell, “Wake up Dylan, Dylan wake up”?

Travis: No. You might have to… let’s say this would be like a hit the streets kind of faction move if you were trying to leverage your Fur… Night faction with his Fur and Night faction.

Griffin: Sure. Is he— is he, I should ask ’cause we don’t really know how werewolves work in this world and it’s midnight, I don’t know if it’s a full moon, I don’t know if he’s in full fur form.

Travis: It is not a full moon, so basically— well, lemme ask you.

Griffin: Yeah.

Travis: How do you think werewolves work in this environment?

Griffin: I think it’s probably around the full moon. I think it’s like, couple days, and maybe at the full moon it’s like, at its strongest. But I don’t think one night a month they take this form. I think it’s like a couple days before, a couple days after, which is kinda bullshit ’cause that’s kind of the Amnesty rules, but um… I think that makes the most sense to me.

Justin: [crosstalk] We can have coherent multiverse werewolf rules.

Griffin: [crosstalk] Yeah, sure. It doesn’t affect Errol, ’cause Errol’s always half transformed, but I think that’s how it works.

Clint: Could it maybe wax and wane with the moon? Like the full moon, they’re full-blown wolf?

Griffin: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.

Clint: Yeah.

Travis: And I was also thinking, and tell me if this jives with that, Ditto, like that at the peak of the full moon it is a compulsion. You know, that it cannot be avoided, but on the days before and after it’s more of like, “Just be careful, don’t get too worked up.”

Griffin: Sure.

Travis: You know, like that kind of thing of it’s a risk but it’s definitely controllable, especially for elders, you know what I mean?

Griffin: Yeah yeah yeah.

Travis: They’re a little bit— but when you’re looking at like, young people, with all their hormones and hula-hoops, it’s a lot harder for them to control.

Griffin: Yeah. Their yo-yos and their Pepsi Colas. Lemme hit the streets to try to wake this lil’ dude up.

Travis: Cool, gimme a roll.

Griffin: That is a six plus one, a seven.

Travis: Great. So… that’s a mixed success, so you hear:









Clint: With a C-A.





























[Clint laughs]











Travis: So the mixed success here, just to be clear, is you did find out something, right?

Griffin: “She” wouldn’t want this.

Travis: Right. But he’s not gonna give you much more than that. You can try to persuade at this point, but it’s gonna be a pretty high roll…

Griffin: Yeah, can I try something else?

Travis: Sure.

Griffin: So I have a thing called Bloodhound. When you hunt someone, roll with Blood, on a hit you know exactly where to find them and follow their scent until you do.

Travis: Uh-huh.

Griffin: Can I use that to, in full-blown sort of werewolf, wolf instinct-style, sort of get the scent of the blood on his shirt and, if it leads me to him I know it’s his. And if it leads me to The Church I know it’s Jeremiah.

Travis: You got it.

Griffin: ’Kay. That is a seven plus two Blood, nine.

Travis: Okay, so it definitely doesn’t lead you to him.

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: It leads in the direction of The Church. But—

Griffin: Okay, shit.

Travis: But it’s hard to track kinda that far out? Church is outside of town, but you can just— it is definitely leading away from him.

Griffin: Okay, so— but I could follow the scent and figure out where it goes and find out whose blood it is, so at least we’ve got that—

Travis: You would, but I mean, that would be you know, a beat, you know what I mean?

Griffin: Right, sure sure sure, sure sure. I’m just saying now we have two pieces of information.



Travis: You have a piece, and let me say, and I don’t think this has been a thing that we have pushed in any of our arcs up ’til now, you probably wanna take notes.

Griffin: Yeah.

Travis: There’s going to be a lot of information.

Griffin: Also, a wolf Corruption move: When you start a hunt for someone, mark Corruption, so I think that I just did that.

Justin: Hey, first corruption!

Travis: Yeah! Hey!

Griffin: I thought for sure Augustus was gonna be… alright. I have one Corruption.

Travis: And you can spend that at our store right outside the gates. This is the information you have, right? I’m gonna fast-forward a little bit and just kinda collect. So here at the start, your options are, this is what sheriff tells you, right? The Sterling is an opportunity, you know that that is the vampire kind of hangout tavern in town, it is also the casino. Then there is the, and this is another thing you know from your briefing, Isabella Slate is now the proprietor of the Sterling, she took it over from a man named Marcus two years ago. Marcus disappeared mysteriously, and basically Isabella kinda turned power back over to the people working there. Marcus was not a good person. So the Sterling is a possible beginning location, the Full Moon Saloon, which is the werewolf hangout tavern. You could also head to The Church and the graveyard, The Mathis home, and Silver’s Linings, to talk to Mr. Silver.

Griffin: We were brought— we were brought on by the Mathis matriarch, right? It was her—

Travis: Correct, Abigail Mathis hired you.

Griffin: ’Cause that— that’s the only she I could think of that would be the obvious sort of answer here.

Justin: Well, let’s give it a shot.

Clint: Gandy really wants to take a look at the body.

Griffin: Nasty.

Clint: Since her… you know, her skillset is in the analytical, magic kinda thing. I really think she is— feels a compulsion to go look at the body.

Griffin: Yeah, let’s get— that’s— police work 101, get the clues before you…

Justin: Get the clues.

Griffin: Before you start talking—

Travis: You gotta talk to the coroner, find out about the autopsy.

Clint: Gotta slide over the hood of a car.

Griffin: Yeah, let’s head to The Church.











Travis: So as you make your way through town… the town doesn’t feel right. It feels tense in that way that it— it might just be completely placebo, but in that way that buildings and wood seems to absorb the negative emotions of the people within it and kind of bleeds through like a whiskey as it picks up the flavoring of the barrel. And so as you move through town—

Justin: Hell yeah, that’s evocative as fuck!

Travis: Thank you. You have a hard time not looking over your shoulder. You have a hard time not keeping your eyes on the windows to make sure nobody’s watching you. And as you leave town and make your way toward The Church about 50 yards outside of the— the last houses, it eases a little bit. You can see all around you the ravine of the Dry River. In the distance you can see the mountains. You can see the stars and the sky and it starts to loosen up, but still at your backs you can feel the tension. And you’re just breathing a little easier out here, and then as you approach The Church, you see above the door the symbol of The Church, capital “T” capital “C.” That’s all we got out here in the Crescent Territory is The Church. It isn’t exactly a specific religion or denomination, it’s just a group trying to spread some sort of morality. And then you have two options as you approach The Church: you can either head into The Church and talk with Father Dante, or you can head into the graveyard and look for Michael.







[Laughs]

Travis: So as you head into the graveyard, it’s silent as… the grave.

Griffin: Hmm!

Travis: But you can see in the middle of the graveyard—

Justin: Less evocative.

[Griffin laughs]

Travis: Yeah, you can see in the middle of the graveyard a small house with the lights on inside. The lights are flickering, it’s very clearly either some kind of lantern or candles. I assume you want to approach?

Griffin: Yeah, imagine me kind of uh… I wanna keep following this— following the wafting scent of the pie through the air as I follow the scent. Is it heading towards that house, or?

Travis: Indeed it is.

Griffin: Alright, let’s keep following the stink lines.

Travis: As you approach the door and raise your hand to knock, the door opens before you can make contact.







Travis: And you see before you a very broad and frankly beautiful man. He has a warm smile and kind eyes, and immediately like, gives you a feeling of peace? That’s only slightly thrown off by his blood-stained apron and gloves.

Griffin: Yeah, that’s one of my main turn offs, is if they’re covered in blood.

Travis: When you enter, you can see laid out on a slab is— is Jeremiah Blackwell. You can tell that Michael has been in the process of cleaning the body and preparing it for funeral rites.

































Travis: Okay.

Clint: I would like to Figure Michael Out. I roll with Mind?

Travis: Go for it.

Clint: Alright, I’m rolling with Mind… and it is—

Justin: A zero! [laughs]

Clint: A nine plus two for Mind. So it’s an 11.

Travis: So… Michael is giving you incredibly strong immortal vibes. Now this is an option for NPCs only, so this is an old one, an angel, a god, something along those lines. But Michael is most definitely and has never been, not like, not human, has never been human, isn’t fey, isn’t Power, isn’t Night, isn’t anything.

Griffin: Something else. Well, he also, I have to ask—

Justin: He’s his own thing.

Griffin: He has to ask two questions as part of Figure Someone Out, right?

Travis: So let’s say that’s one answer. Give me another question.

Clint: Okay.









Clint: Oh shhhhhhit.

Griffin: [laughs]

Clint: Gandy is not digging this guy at all. He’s Death! He’s like the boatman, the— aw, f—

Griffin: Shit.

Clint: Oh fuck a duck! No!

Travis: Now, those at home who may have studied theology will know that Michael is the name of the angel of death!

Clint: The archangel of death.

Griffin: Yes, so that works.

Clint: Yeah, oh, wait a minute. Gandy goes in the corner of The Church and barfs.





















Travis: You wanted to come here, Clinton!



Travis: You said you were anxious to get here!

Griffin: You were so— you were dying to get here.



Travis: You knew there’d be a dead body, you can’t be like, “Eww, gross!“



Justin: While— before this, or during this, or whenever, I’m not picky. I uh.. I would like to commune with some ghosts…

Travis: Okay.

Justin: I’m gonna Hit the Streets with the ghosts that might be inhabiting this graveyard.

Travis: Mmkay.

Justin: Seems even money that there’d be some hanging around.

Griffin: I like this. Can we all take one action, right? If we’re like, exploring this place.

Travis: Yeah!

Griffin: I wanna talk to Michael whenever it’s… whenever the other two boys are done.

Travis: You got it.

Griffin: Okay. Who wants—

Justin: Alright, I’m gonna do mine first, so… Hit the Streets I roll against, what was it?

Travis: So you would be rolling—

Justin: Okay, so I’m rolling Night.

Travis: Yeah.

Justin: That’s ghosts, right?

Travis and Griffin: Yes.

Justin: Oh, cool, I got a nine plus… two, so 11.

Travis: Okay. Let’s see.

Justin: To be more specific, I don’t know what ghosts are here, but I’m— I’m kinda wanting to go out into the graveyard, look up some ghosts, see who I can scare up—

Travis: [Acknowledging pun] Ahh.

Justin: See if they saw anything.

Travis: Okay, so as you kind of, I assume, well you describe. What do you do to commune with ghosts?

Justin: I float out into the graveyard and I extend my hands up into the air and say



Griffin: If so, I want to do them!

Travis: And you feel a tap on your shoulder.

Justin: Mm, no I don’t—

Travis: You do.

Justin: I can only be seen and heard.

Travis: But another ghost could tap you right on that there shoulder.

Justin: You are fucking playing Calvinball with ghosts rules, my man, but I’m into it, that’s fine. You can put a little English on this ball if you like.

Travis: Well, so I mean—

Justin: Yes, I am tapped on the shoulder by a ghost—

Travis: My assumption was when you’re talking about seen, heard or felt that that was to the corporeal world. But does that apply to—

Justin: Yeah, but why— that would imply that the spectral plane has physics of its own.

Griffin: I love it, dude, that’s that Soul Reaver shit.

Justin: I’ll grant it yes. Okay yes, I am tapped on the shoulder by a ghost.



Justin: If only so someday I might be able to fight a ghost.



Clint: Oh yeah!









Travis: And you turn and you see a man, a little bit grizzled, but with a twinkle in his dead, dead eyes. Um, a warm smile, but an eyepatch across one of said dead, dead eyes. And y— other than that, pretty nondescript as things go. Five-foot-eight. Um, y’know? Fairly regular looking person.



















Travis: And you can see him kind of squirm, like he’s trying to… pin down that feeling in his body.





















[Griffin laughs]

Travis: Alright, so let’s cut back in to… Who wants to go next? Errol or Gandy?

Griffin: Gandy, why don’t you go?

Clint: Well, give me some advice here. I’m— I— if I’m investigating a body… if I’m checking out the body, I’m not sure which of the moves applies to that.

Travis: Well, so this is—

Clint: There’s an Investigate a Place of Power…

Travis: No, I can tell you what this is. So, in Powered by the Apocalypse and— and specifically, I don’t know if it applies to Monster of the Week as well, there are certain things that like, you can do. Like, I know that Gandy has studied this, she is very learned, so this is not so much a move so much as just a things she’s doing. So I can give you information, I don’t think that this is a challenge you have to overcome so much as just— this is like, if you wanted to sit down and eat a sandwich, I wouldn’t make you roll for that.

Griffin: Yeah, but if you have any kind of like, magical abilities that you could— would wanna enhance this investigation, that would be [Travis: Yes.] probably a— a move.

Clint: Yeah, I want Gandy to look at the body and investigate the wounds—

Travis: Okay.

Clint: But I don’t— but you gotta tell me what I see, Trav!

Travis: I will tell you what you see, for I am the Master of Ceremonies! Um, so, what you see is you see um, two like, kind of cross-sections, and because I can’t think of a better way to describe it, like Wolverine’s claws? Have been pulled across his gut.

Justin: I’ve solved it.

Griffin: Okay, hold on—

[laughter]

Travis: And those wounds, though fairly razor sharp, very clearly went deep. And he bled out his— his uh— Michael has packed his internal organs back into the wounds, but he [Griffin: Yuck.] was eviscerated.



Travis: Um, so. Do just a straight up and down investigation— what’s your Mind, Clint?

Clint: Plus two.

Travis: Okay, so do an investigation roll plus Mind for me.

Clint: ’Kay… That would be eight plus two, 10.

Travis: Great. So… what you can see, as you investigate past just kind of surface level, is along, um, kinda the edges of the— the wounds there’s some trace of like, metal dust? Some kind of powder. And it’s— um, ok— it looks to be a mixture of silver and copper. It’s hard to tell exactly which of the two it is, I mean there’s dirt in the wounds too, but there’s definitely a glint to it.



Travis: Okay, so that’s, um, just so you know, if you go back to your Sanctum, that’s gonna be like, your beat for the next one, you know?

Clint: I’m cool with that.

Travis: Great. Um—

Justin: Hey can we— for the— for the, um… essence of like, for efficiency of storytelling, can we just assume that if we derive information from any of these sort of little beats, that we have passed that information along to our cohorts, to save us [crosstalk] from like, reiterating everything?

Travis: [crosstalk] Yes. Absolutely, yes, yes. Um, and then uh, so we go to Errol.

Griffin: Yeah, um, I wanna talk to Michael.

Travis: Absolutely.





[Gandy makes grossed out noises]







Griffin: I want to try to persuade just to ask one specific thing.

Travis: Go for it.

Justin: Yeah, persuade an angel. [laughs]

Clint: [sarcastic] Should be easy.

Justin: [sarcastic] Should be easy! No— should be— should be no problem.

Griffin: That’s— okay, are we, uh, so, I have a territory that I have named Carrion Street, which is kind of like the residential area of, of Dry River, and that’s where I have my cool bonuses and stuff. [Travis: Uh-huh.] I ass— I assume we are not in Carrion Street.

Travis: We are not.

Griffin: That is a seven minus one. That’s gon— that’s gonna be a six. But I still wanna ask the question and he can tell me to fuck off.

Travis: Okay!











[Laughter]



Griffin: He wants a Debt.













{45:21-50:18 ad break}

Travis: So you now have one more beat in midnight. Now, here you can separate into a group of two and one, or all stay together.

Justin: Well we’ll need to do two and one for Gandy to go back and do her research, yeah?

Travis: Yes.

Clint: And Gandy wants to take the body with her—

Travis: Nope!

Clint: Is that possible? Okay, then…

Travis: I should say— [Clint: Tell mee-] in character, Michael would not allow that.

Griffin: Yeah, that’s wild.

Travis: Yeah. Not— that’s not just me being like, “I— uh— no.” It’s— that is the only duty Michael has is to shepherd… uh, people as they cross, and like, that would go against everything.

Clint: All right, then I have— I have something I wanna do. I think it would be, actually, a— um, a magic spell. I don’t— it’s not necessarily—

Travis: Ooh, a magic spell! Go on.

Clint: Wizard spells. Yeah. Not Zone of Truth! [Justin snorting] Not gonna go there.

Griffin: I mean, that’s barely a spell.

Clint: [Sheepish, small voice] Could I— could I do Zone of Truth…?

Travis: No.

Clint: No, okay.

Justin: [Copying small voice] Is— a thing don’t rush to judge from here {???}

Clint: No I— What I want to do is I wanna take as much information to… my, uh, my assistant. My… homunculus. Um, I had this idea of maybe Gandy would have these— what are they— how do you pronounce it? Pince nez? The little— glasses that— that you know, go on your nose. [Justin: Mmhm!] You know what I’m talking about?

Travis: Yes.

Justin: Mmhmm.

Griffin: I have never heard this word in my life.

Travis: It— [crosstalk] you need to read Poirot, Griffin.

Justin: [crosstalk] Yeah, I know exactly what you’re talking about.

Clint: Pince-nez, which is… pinch nose. Uh, that are— are actually an artifact that when she puts them on, they kind of take in data about what she’s looking at, and she can take that back to, uh, her assistant and have him analyze stuff and— and give her some ideas. Is that workable?

Travis: Dad, here’s what I will give you because that was not [Clint: Okay.] one of the artifacts you wanted [Clint: Right.] but just to uh, kinda make… transferring information a little easier, we’re gonna say that those are Michael’s pin— Pince nez, that you can then [Clint: Mmkay.] put back on him when you return and it just transfers everything you saw to him.

Clint: Okay.

Travis: And that will save us on exposition.

Griffin: It’s a homunculus flash drive!

Clint: Cool.

Travis: Yeah! I was thinking more of like, a homunculus GoPro, but.

Griffin: Yeah, sure.

Clint: Well then, I’ll take that— I’ll take that and some of the scabs from the wounds.

Travis: Perfect.

Griffin: Yuck.

Travis: You take a few scrapings and— and do a good sweep of the area. So Gandy’s gonna head back to her— her Tower of Power. What’s it called?

Clint: It— Sanctum Sanctorum.

Travis: And what’s—

Clint: The Black Mariah, the Black Mariah.

Travis: The Black Mariah, and what’re Errol and Augustus going to do?

Justin: What do you think, Griff?

















Justin: Augustus is going to be— heard and felt, but not seen.

Travis: Creepy.

Justin: Hey, I gotta pick two, baby!



Justin: Augustus is silent.

[Laughter]





Travis: Oh, god. Let’s resolve Gandy’s first. So, describe to me, and our listeners, the inside of your Sanctum Sanctorum.

Clint: It’s a Black Mariah, is what it was called, it’s a very large. In this case, a very large one that police used to use to collect prisoners.

Travis: Yes, but what does the inside look like? I want to know, is it like, you know, like, Tesla coils and Frankenstein, you know machines or is it like, potions?

Griffin: Do you have a Fronken— do you have a Fronkensteen?

Clint: Um, she calls it a— her Labrary. It’s part lab, [snorting laughs] part library. Um, there are a lot of books… there are a lot of… of artifacts laying around. It’s… there’s a— almost— it’s almost divided in two. There’s like a main part full of books and, and artifacts, and then there’s the— a— a secondary part that is… laid out with like a, a table for doing work and for alchemy and for analysis and stuff. And there’s a chute at the very front with some steps that the homunculus, who is also… who is also the carriage driver, can clamber up and down and still have access to all of this. I’m thinking very much like the— the train car that James West used in the TV show The Wild Wild West.

Travis: The only canonical Wild Wild West.

Clint: Ah--In my book, yes. And— her, she has this assistant, I mentioned before the homunculus, but now since I have to change his name…

Travis: You don’t have to change his name!

Clint: We’re not gonna have two Michaels in the show!

Travis: In the real world people have the same name.

Clint: That— that’s true, but this is not the real world!

Travis: People go to the bathroom, they have the same name…

Clint: I have a nickname—

Justin: This just happened on, uh, Terrace House: Boys X Girls Next Door, where another Te-chan [sp???] showed up at the house, there was already a Te-chan, so they called him, uh, Oji.

Clint: Well that’s—

Griffin: Which means prince, which is the most wild. “I’m gonna call you prince now.”

Justin: And he actually says like, “I would prefer you not call me prince.” And then literally next scene everyone is calling him prince.

Clint: Well Terrace House was my inspiration for this.

Griffin: Good, good.

Clint: Um, actually—

Justin: The illegal fan du— subbed Terrace House: Boys and Girls Next Door was Dad’s inspiration.

Clint: She has this homunculus that is— basically is a homunculus is a doll or an artificial construction, sometimes possessed by something else. So she calls him Uncle Oni, he’s about two feet tall, he’s a bunraku puppet. And bunraku puppets are these elaborate, beautiful puppets that have been an art-form in Japan for, for centuries and centuries. And this is possessed by a demon, and Uncle Oni is very powerful, and we already know that she has a Debt to Uncle Oni. And that’s who she goes to when she needs advice.

Griffin: Is this something— y— you said in the setup episode that Gandy was like a world traveler, is this— is this something that she picked up while like traveling in Japan, or?

Clint: Yes, absolutely, yeah. She has artifacts from all over that she’s found as she is— and it was particularly interesting to her the fact that basically a demon is alive after death, and so this is kind of one of the ways, here you have a disembodied spirit placed back into a form, that was very interesting to her.

Griffin: Yeah, I think that’d be interesting to pretty much anyone.

Clint: Yeah, that’d be interesting.

Griffin: I would be fascinated by that.

Travis: Okay, cool, so I’m going to say… You can ask three questions of Michael a day. Right? So you can’t just keep coming back here. This is what your Debt to him— this is the arrangement that you made. Or, to Uncle Oni, ’scuse me.

Clint: Uncle Oni.

Travis: So you can come ask three questions, but once you’ve used those three questions, you’re done for the day. And I think that those questions Uncle Oni is going to have final say as to how much information your Debt has earned you? And I’m also going to put the limit on them that they’re going to be who, what, where, when and why questions.

Clint: So Gandy walks into the Black Mariah, there are like wards and, and things that would keep people out. She goes into the— the back part and calls out.







Clint: And Uncle Oni visually has this sweet cherubic li’l fat li’l face, but when Uncle Oni—

[Griffin groans in apprehension]

Clint: When Uncle Oni is in kill mode—

Griffin: Yeah—

Clint: It switches to this really awesome mask.

Griffin: I was really—

Justin: This is a— this is a hostile action on your part, Dad. The—

Griffin: Yeah I was really—

Justin: A hostile action you’re— you’ve taken against me.

Griffin: Uh… I’ve seen— I’ve seen some pictures of some pretty scary looking puppets like this…

Clint: Yeah.



Griffin: Travis, what is this voice?

[Clint laughs]

Travis: You know how sometimes you open your mouth and like, a voice comes out? I think that’s the voice of the little, like, forest wizard character from, uh, I’ve only seen on Mystery Science Theater 3000 of like, Jack Frost? And there’s the character and he turns the character into a bear? ’Cause he, like, doesn’t carry him. I can’t remember, but that voice has always stuck with me.

Clint: I thought it was reminiscent of Coily from MST3K.

Travis: [High-pitched, energetic] No springs!

Clint: No springs.

Griffin: Yeah, let’s lean into Coily, I like that.

Travis: Okay!















Clint: I hand Uncle Oni his Pince nez, and they look really cute on his li’l face, and pops ’em on and is looking through them like they’re some kind of VR kinda thing.



Clint: And I also put the— the scabs down on one of the— the tables.

Travis: Now, I, listen, I’ve watched enough police procedurals, I do need to correct you here. You wouldn’t get scabs on a dead body. You’d get dried blood, and you would get powder, I just don’t want anyone tweeting at you…

Griffin: Yes.

Clint: Okay, William Petersen, here you go, here’s your dried blood.

Travis: I’m just saying… dead bodies don’t coagulate.

Griffin: I need to know if Uncle Oni ever says “enhance”—



Griffin: While looking at the blood.







Justin: So it’s both local and from the area…

Travis as Uncle Oni: Yes.

[Clint laughs]

Justin: That narrows it down.



Justin: Hi, I’m another puppet in your paddywagon that’s just there to get on your nuts about stuff.

Clint: It’s a ventriloquist dummy that just sits there. Okay.

































Griffin: [smiling] Can we do another scene or are you guys gonna just keep dropping one-liners on each other?

[Laughter]

Travis: So, let’s move on to Errol and Augustus. You are heading to the Full Moon Saloon, is that what you’ve said?

Griffin: Right.

Travis: When you arrive at the Full Moon Saloon, it is now… let’s say about 12:30? And it’s a school night, so there’s not a lot of people there. You see the bartender Wilder: an older fur, he’s gone gray, he has a gray beard, um, long but well-kept. The bar is clean, he is well-dressed; aged, but still clearly— he could kick your ass if he needed to. At least you, Errol, maybe not Augustus. Are you corporeal at this second, are you touchable?

Justin: We’ve covered this.

Travis: Okay.

Justin: I’m corporeal, but I’m invisible, basically.

Travis: Got it. So until you speak, and let’s make sure we keep this in mind, until you speak, it’s possible that no one knows you’re there.

Griffin and Justin: That’s the idea.

Travis: That’s the idea. Um, and also sitting at this bar there are two women. They are not sitting together, they are fairly far apart, it’s clear that they are not with each other. But one you recognize as your employer Abigail Mathis.

Griffin: Shit! Okay. Uh—

Justin: I’m gonna float over to Abigail Mathis, not float, I guess slowly walk. How— it— within earshot.

Travis: Mmkay.

Griffin: Yeah, are they having a conversation when we walk in? Or is she just drowning her sorrows right now?

Travis: Well, she is both drinking but also waiting. I think she kind of expected you sooner.

Griffin: Uh, I walk up to the bar and sit down at the stool next to her, and I say:



















Travis: Wilder just kinda glares at you and continues polishing cups.



Justin: Wilder watches one of the mugs floats over to the root beer and begins to fill itself.



Justin: It is placed in front of— in front of Errol.

Travis: Wilder reaches underneath the counter and pulls out a club with a silver tip, and you can see engraved upon it is the symbol of The Church, and he points it—

Justin: You see the mug start to float back over and upend itself, and the— then it goes over to the sink and is washed and is placed back in its place.

[Clint laughs]





Justin: And I materialize in front of him.

Griffin: What two?

Justin: So I— what? I can be… seen and heard, but not felt.

Griffin: That’s a good call in this situation.



Travis: In fact, I’m gonna say he sounds like this:







Travis: And he kinda like, give you a bit of a smile-glare. He smiles, but not with his eyes!

Griffin: Ahh, there he is! There he is! He’s smizing.







[Laughter]





















Travis: And she slides you the key.





Travis: You see the back of Abigail’s arms start to get a little hairier, her nails start to grow, and she turns and glares at you and says:







[Theme music (The Adventure Zone: Dust Theme by Griffin McElroy) continues]