Ep. 12: Murder on the Rockport Limited - Chapter Three

"C'mon, ride the train. It's the choo choo, and ride it. Heh... it's the Adventure Zone!"

Synopsis
''Our heroes board their fateful train to Neverwinter, and are rude to just about every single person aboard. Merle strikes out at evangelism. Magnus learns that he may not, in fact, have the biggest muscles. Taako just wrecks some baby carrots.''

The Usual Suspects
After a slight detour, the Tres Horny Boys board the Rockport Limited. The train is incredibly luxurious, having gilded with gold, silver, and platinum. It also has posh interior, soft seats, and shag carpeting. They walk into the passenger train, where they meet Hudson, the train's engineer. He asks for their tickets and their weapons, which they comply to. Meanwhile, Merle, pretending to be Leeman Kessler, tries out a Scottish accent, which greatly annoys everyone else. Hudson thanks them for riding Rockport Limited, and allows them onto the train. Before departin, he tells them that, if they need him, he will be in the engine car for the duration of the trip, and that, as a security measure, he will not be coming out for any reasons.

Walking through the passenger car, the boys see three other passengers. One of them is a stout dwarven women with large muscles. Sitting behind her is a young boy, who is wearing a fancy boy suit and a fancy blue cap. Magnus rolls insight to see how fancy, and rolls 16. It's pretty darn fancy. Sitting a few rows behind is a round, young man with a big bushy beard, and who is wearing trashy wizard robes with the words "juicy" sewn onto where the butt would be.

The boys make it to their sleeper car, wherein stands Jenkins. He is wearing a red Rockport Limited suit, along with a technicolor bowtie. He opens his mouth to greet the boys, and makes a voice that sounds like a mix between Mike Myers, Vincent Price, and Droopy. He tells them that he is the Rockport Limited's wizard attendant, and asks if the boys would like a trip to one of its "pleasure rooms", which they instantly misconstrue as sexual. Magnus asks Jenkins about the dwarven lady outside in the passenger car, and he explains that she's a famous Midworld Wrestling Federation star well-known for "un-heading" her opponents. Jenkins points out how heavy her axe was to carry to the back car. Taako mocks Jenkins for carrying the axe instead of just casting Levitate on it.After an argument about conserving spell slots, Jenkins tells the boys that the train has a dining car.

WIP

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Message to Ryan from Ryan's husband Mike and his friends John and Julia: Congratulations on getting another level in insurance man. the adjustor specialization gives you +5 to authority, +2 to stress, and -2 to shitty coworkers. In addition, five times per day you may command an underling to do time loss or other menial tasks. You're a fantastic husband, a great friend, a badass cleric, and an awesome DM.

Sponsored by Hammer Trinity.

Featured NPCs

 * Hudson
 * Tom Bodett
 * Graham the Hedge (Juicy) Wizard
 * Angus McDonald
 * Jess the Beheader
 * Jenkins

Featured Locations

 * Neverwinter
 * Rockport

Quotes
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