The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - Episode 4/Transcript

Transcript by the lovely volunteers at TAZscripts.

Griffin: Previously, on The Adventure Zone…







Griffin: And Ned, you can see the gate right in front of you, and you can see it sort of pressed into the fender of your Continental.



Griffin: The three of you survey this nightmare in an instant, and then it charges.

Travis: Aubrey grabs the lantern from Duck and throws it at the creature's face.

Griffin: As this thing picks up the scent of a bunch of different animals, you see it whip its head around and look toward the direction of the jug, and there's a peal of thunder overhead, and then the skies open up and it douses the flames that were spreading across the beast, which looks up at the sky and then back down at the three of you.

[Theme music (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty Theme by Griffin McElroy) plays]

{01:48}

[Faint rain ambiance]

Griffin: So the rain is coming down in sheets, nearly to the point where the three of you are having trouble seeing this beast that is right in front of you. You see a faint plume of steam rising off of it where that fire that was spreading across its patchwork pelt was doused, and through that steam, the three of you faintly see another shape behind the monster, and actually, as you look around, you notice that these shapes are surrounding you at the edge of the clearing. It's more woodland creatures, all seemingly possessed in the same way that you saw, Ned, in that bobcat. You count eight animals in total surrounding—

Travis: [imitating The Count] “Eight! Eight animals!”

Justin: That's a classic bit of course, long time listeners know any time there's a number on the show, we kind of do that bit.

Griffin: Which makes it tricky everytime we roll dice, or like every other sentence. There's like a smaller black bear prowling towards you, there's a couple other bobcats, there's a deer, and just a handful of other animals all slowly walking in your direction beckoned by the pained roars of that beast that you were just fighting, and as they're approaching, a light flashes from the archway, and suddenly, there's Barclay and Mama, and without a second of hesitation, Mama retrieves her sawed off shotgun from her duster and shoots two shells into the side of the big beast, who surprisingly doesn't look terribly damaged by the gunfire, but kind of roars reflexively and turns toward Mama. But then there's another light, this time in the distance deeper in the woods. There's another vehicle hastening towards your location, and sensing danger, the beast roars again, and those animals that were surrounding you spring toward it, and in kind of grisly display, they seem to leap into the beast, who absorbs them into its form before leering one last time in your party's direction and then dashes away into the woods. And just mere seconds after the monster disappears, that vehicle that you heard rolls to a stop at the edge of the clearing and Duck, you recognise it as a response vehicle from the Monongahela National Forest Service, and real quickly like before anything else happens, Mama says under her breath:



Griffin: And from out of the forest wagon, steps Ranger Juno Devine, your coworker, Duck.

Travis: And owner of the coolest name in town.

Griffin: She deploys an umbrella and jogs toward you, and she shouts:



Travis: Now Griffin, is it a magical umbrella?

Griffin: [amused] No, it's just a reg— I mean all umbrellas are magical if you think about the sort of incredible purpose they serve. I want to be clear that this is a result of you calling in somebody on your radio as you were running through the woods. This is sort of a reaction to the action that you took.







Griffin: She turns sorta towards everybody else, and she's like:

















Griffin: She notices the car, but obviously does not see the archway, and I think the damage to the car is like surface level enough that it doesn't even register that it ran into, something, and Juno says:









Travis: Aubrey looks to Mama for kind of a lead here.

Griffin: Yeah, Mama says:









Griffin: And you all start to walk off in the other direction. Duck are you going with Juno back to the station, or what's your plan?

Justin: Yeah, you know what, I can't think of a good reason why I would go with Ned, as much as that probably seems like it would advance the story [Justin and Griffin laugh] a little better than me—

Clint: We're friends!

Justin: —departing from the three of them.

Griffin: Alright, you all start to— Juno goes back in her car, and you see her turn on the light inside her car and start writing some stuff down in a notepad, taking some notes about this bear attack, there's some paperwork to do. And as everybody else starts walking towards the edge of the clearing, and Ned you get in your car and it starts, and Mama turns towards everybody and she says:









Griffin: And with that, you all start making your way back through the forest towards town, and the storm kind of dissipates just as quickly as it appears, and you all sort of make your way back through the forest with the strange events of this evening sort of rattling around your heads. And, we'll jump forward now, and Aubrey, you've settled into your room in Amnesty Lodge for the evening, and just as Mama promised, the accommodations are pretty nice. There's a soft queen sized bed, and next to it, there's a small round cushion where Dr. Bonkers is already fast asleep, and he's got a little bowl of diced carrots right in front of him, which we assume—

Travis: Now here’s the thing, Griffin, I wanna say, I've spoken with some people recently, carrots are a good treat for rabbits, like cake, [Griffin: Ohh!] but not a meal, you wouldn't feed— there's a lot of sugar in carrots.

Griffin: Interesting, so what's the rabbit eats?

Travis: That I don't know, maybe pellet [Clint laughs] let's assume that there's like rabbit food that Aubrey has.

Griffin: Yeah, all right, there's some rabbit food dished out in the bowl.

Travis: I didn't research that far, just enough to say like, "Don't just straight up [crosstalk] feed them carrots all the time.”

Griffin: [crosstalk] Give them carrots all the time. Yeah, also turns orange, but the eyesight gets almost too good actually.

Travis: So terrifyingly good.

Griffin: So you assume that Dani did a pretty great job rabbit-sitting here. And so you're in this room, and you've kicked off your boots, and you're preparing to settle in, and there's a soft knock at the door, and Mama pokes her head in, and she says:











































Griffin: And she slips back out the door. Ned, you pull your car, just a little bit worse for wear, in front of the Cryptonomica, and you see a light inside still on, and as you head in, you see Kirby,

Justin: [singing] There's a light on, over at the—

Griffin: You see Kirby with a mop and a bucket cleaning up a puddle on the floor near one of the displays, and as the bell above the doors rings as you enter, he looks up at you, and then back down at his work and he says:







Griffin: And he puts the mop in the bucket and starts to wheel it away, and just as he does so, another trickle of water drips down at a different spot in the room, and Kirby kind of sighs, and he walks over to it and he puts the bucket underneath it to catch the water, and he says:







Griffin: He kind of chuckles.



Griffin: He kind of sighs, and sets the mop down in the corner with the bucket still catching water in the middle of the room and he says:



Griffin: And he collects the like dozen or so empty cans of RC Cola up off his desks and he drops them in a recycling bin and he picks up his old Macbook and he walks towards the door and he says:





Griffin: I think you have one week is what we established, six days.



Griffin: No, come on, you don't get the— you don't get to wield the power of the Garfield insert. [Clint laughs] He says:



Griffin: And with the ring of the bell, Kirby walks out the door. Duck, you are, uh, you’ve finished your work for the evening, your shift is over, and you’re back at your, your place in Kepler. What— what’s your place, where do you live in Kepler?

Justin: I have a—

Travis: Bungalow.

Justin: Apartment. Yeah. But it’s a nice apartment.

Griffin: Ok. One bedroom? Studio?

Justin: It’s like— Uh, two bedrooms. One is sort of—

Griffin: Whoa!

Justin: I know! One’s a bedroom, and then I have an office where I, uh, mainly do my, uh, ship building, my model ships—

Griffin: Hell yeah!

Justin: And, uh, that’s kind of all that happens in the office, really. It’s kind of where I go to like unwind, um, but— and then I’ve got a bunch of, you know, exotic animal heads from all my big game hunting—

Griffin: [crosstalk] Jesus, no. No, no.

Justin: [crosstalk] That’s right, twist! What a twist! [Clint laughing] No one saw this coming!

Griffin: Veto, blackball.

Justin: No, I have a lot of paintings of wildlife put up around the— the house, some commendations from the park service for distinguished service, that kind of thing. And— you know, it’s a nice place. It’s not— it’s not sad, it’s nice.

Griffin: Good. Okay, so you’re in your bathroom brushing your teeth and you finish up and take a look—

Justin: If someone has to say their apartment is not sad, it probably is, right?

[Travis and Clint laughing]

Griffin: Uh, you finish up brushing and you take a look in the bathroom mirror and— and you turn, and you shut out the light, and you close the bathroom door behind you, and as you enter your bedroom, there she is again. That vision, that faint blue silhouette of the woman who talked to you in the woods earlier tonight. And she’s— she’s standing still between you and the bed, and she’s not really moving.

Justin: [sighs] Ditto, would I know this thing’s name from, like, previous encounters, or whatever?

Griffin: Yeah, I think we should set that up, just because it’s getting to the point where just referring to it as “the vision” is kind of strange, also a little confusing because people might think I’m talking about the comic book hero—

Travis: And you are, that’s the thing!

Griffin: And you are, that’s the twist. No, it’s, uh, I think you used to have a lot more contact with her when you were younger, and so just to, like, be cordial in the way that Duck is cordial, you wanted to know her name, and back then, she introduced herself as Minerva.

Justin: Minerva. Okay.

Griffin: Um, but she’s just kind of standing in front of you, not really moving, and doesn’t really seem to acknowledge you as you enter the room.

Clint: Who you gonna call?

Griffin: Well don’t bust— don’t bust Minerva, that’s—

Justin: No, I’m not gonna do that.



Justin: And I walk through her towards bed.

[Clint laughing]

Griffin: Um, you do that and you just phase right through her and head to bed. And as you do, she doesn’t respond. Um, she doesn’t respond with speech, and she doesn’t seem to be, like, moving. She looks actually like, frozen in place. Uh, she has like one of her arms, like, half-raised, the other one’s kind of at her side and she’s just frozen and static. And as you sort of, like, realise that she’s not, uh, responding at all, you maybe get a little bit confused. And as you look at her standing perfectly still in the center of your room, you do start to hear something. [music (All Night Long by Lobo Loco) begins playing] You hear music coming from Minerva. Old, like, kind of tinny, distorted music coming from her form, and it’s like a sad and beautiful acoustic blues tune? One that you don’t really recognise, but the music is moving and for a minute or so, it’s all you hear, just reverberating around your bedroom, before, in the blink of an eye, Minerva fades away.

{23:37}

[guitar fades out, new song fades in]

{23:47}

Griffin: So it’s tomorrow at noon, and the three of you, at Mama’s behest, have gathered in the lobby of the Amnesty Lodge. Aubrey, you stayed the night here and Ned, you said you’ve been here before, but Duck, the scene here is so unbelievably quaint as you enter. The windows are all— uh, around the lobby are all half open, letting in a nice breeze, and you see Barclay through the kitchen window working over a large pot with a hairnet on, and the smell coming from the kitchen is incredible. Um, there’s a few guests in the lobby just enjoying the day. Jake Cool-Ice is sitting with his snowboard on a table, just meticulously waxing it—

Travis: Have we established what kind of creature Jake Cool-Ice is when he’s at home?

Griffin: Uh, no, but we’ll get to it. They—

Travis: Oh, I can’t wait to find out.

Griffin: They’re all— they’re also in human form right now. There is a young woman sitting at a piano just jotting down something on some sheet music. Dani is in the corner with a large sketchpad in her lap, doing some kind of charcoal drawing. And everybody here just seems so at ease. And Mama comes into the lobby and greets the three of you and says:





Travis: Griffin, have we eaten yet? Should we roll to see if we ate?

Griffin: Yeah, roll the hunger dice, that’s a special dice that I mailed each of you. It’s a two-sided dice.

Travis: I got a 9?





Griffin: Ok. And Barclay kinda hears you say that you’re starving and he nods from the kitchen, and Mama smiles and leads the three of you into her office, down one of those hallways off the lobby. And her office is a mess. There’s like— there’s like five bookcases, all hand-crafted, of different shapes and materials, all loaded with these big, like, historical tomes and books on folklore for various regions. There’s a couch against one wall that is just covered with maps, mostly of the Monongahela Forest. Her desk is similarly covered with books and maps, and a ledger filled with paperwork for the lodge that’s just sort of sandwiched between the pages of the ledger, and her desk also has a few empty mugs on it. And at the center of her office is a large round table, also hand-crafted by the look of it, with several chairs around it. And as you all walk into the room, Mama enters behind you and she locks the door behind her and she says:









Griffin: She says,













Justin: Let’s take a deep dive into your sleep patterns.







Griffin: She says, um,







Griffin: She says,



Griffin: So you all sit around this, this table in the center of Mama’s office, and she catches everyone up on what she told Aubrey during the last evening about Sylvane, and the Sylphs and the Lodge, and the— the arch in the woods that these abominations cross over from into our world. Duck, do you tell everybody about sort of your experience in Sylvane that night?

Justin: No.

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: I promised I wouldn’t.

Griffin: Okay, yeah, sure. Absolutely.

Travis: Duck knows how to keep his lips shut.

Griffin: Cool. Um, so Mama says,







































Griffin: Uh, she says,





















Now these days it’s just me and Barclay doing the fight, and some of the guests here, they have— they got some idea of the score, but our numbers have dwindled and for obvious reasons, it’s a tough gig to hire for. The repercussions of bringing someone on with loose lips would be… and I’m not being hyperbolic here, it would be apocalyptic. But y’all know the truth now, and by my counting you’ve kept it to yourself for like 12 hours, and that ain’t nothing, so. Yeah, I’m asking for your help to defend this town and this world and Sylvane.

Griffin: And she goes to her desk and opens up a drawer and she pulls something out and walks over to the three of you and places this object that she retrieved down in front of you, and you see, sitting on this hand crafted table, is a circular patch, a sew-in patch, crafted with shimmering Sylvan wool, depicting a tall, green pine tree standing in front of a sunset-hued gradient, with a sort of decidedly retro, like, ’70s, ’80s graphic design aesthetic. And when you look back up at Mama, she pulls back the lapel of her duster, and you see that same patch sewn into the inside of her duster. [music fades in] And she says,



{33:28}

[Commercial Break]

{38:23}







Griffin: There will definitely, definitely be merch for the t-shirts and the badges of the Pine Guard, [Clint: Oh, okay.] you can find it on our online store.













Griffin: She says,











Griffin: She says,



Griffin: And with that, Barclay enters the room and he’s got a tray with, um, some bowls of radish stew, which he places in front of each of you and then, um, you see him take out that paper that Dani was sketching on out in the lobby, which he places on the center of the table, and you see a detailed drawing of that beast in the woods. And Mama says,



Travis: Aubrey looks over at the map.



























Griffin: Barclay kind of sighs, and says,











Griffin: Um, Mama says,















Griffin: I want to set up that this is, like, the part where we are going to, like, discuss around the table, like, what you know about the monster. This is the part of the— and this is kind of unique to this game, is that, like, a lot of the time, I’m not going to set up the final battle, you all are? Using what you have learned about this monster. So this is the part of the game where you all are going to kind of, like, formulate the battle plan and figure out, like, what this last scene is going to look like, and what you’re gonna do. And this part of the game, I want to be clear, is incredibly vital, because the monsters that I am able to create in this game are so dangerous, and if you are not, like, as tactical and thoughtful about it as is possible, things can go, like, very very bad. So that’s— that’s kind of what we’re doing here.

Justin: Well, before we— before we get into that, Duck, uh, sort of almost— I think mid-sentence, not one of his, somebody else’s, stands up from the table and says,



Griffin: She says,





Griffin: She says,





Griffin: And she points down to the drawing of the monster on the table. She says,





Griffin: She says,

































Griffin: Mama says,





Griffin: And with that, you all start formulating the plan. So, I have, like, a few questions here that I want you all to kind of answer, and it can be sort of in fiction, if you want, as you sort of devise this plan, but they are sort of the things you need to know, and they are things that you already do know, if you can— if you were paying attention and remember sort of the things that have happened so far in order to make this plan happen. So Mama says,





















Griffin: She takes out a little felt tip marker and starts writing on the drawing some of these notes— that it’s like patched together with this living black slime, and that uh, it was attracted to animals, that it seems to want to hunt animals, and so this powerful sort of stew of animal scents attracted it. Writes all that down. Barclay chimes in and says,



Griffin: And he takes a note on that. And she says,







Griffin: [amused] She writes down “big” [crosstalk] in big letters.









Griffin: She writes all that down. “Impulsive, acts on instinct, prone to run away.” She says,







Griffin: She says,





Griffin: She looks over at you, Aubrey, and says,



Griffin: And writes down in huge letters, “weakness: fire.”



Griffin: She is grinning ear to ear as you say that. She says,



Griffin: Yeah, I don’t have an idea for like where this fight’s gonna take place, or how it’s going to play out— this is now your guys’ turn to give me an idea. Where do you want this thing to take place and what are you going to do to make it your, sort of, most ideal situation?

Travis: Okay, so just to cover our bases, right? Here’s what we’ve just discussed: we need somewhere where we can corner it, or at the very least, like, contain it a little bit for the fight. Um, we’re going to need to draw it there, we’re going to need to then set up some kind of oil propellant and flame trap.

Griffin: By the way, Travis and I talked about this before we started recording, we’ve all been playing a lot of Monster Hunter lately, and it’s so choice the way that this is kind of in-line with that, I fuckin love this game so very very much. Um, but yeah, that’s— I mean, that sounds solid to me. I want to make it clear that I don’t have, like, a map of Kepler, where you guys are going to pick a location, there’s a whole concept in all the Apocalypse world games of— of leave empty spaces on maps for you guys to fill in, so you can will places into existence— not that I’m saying, like, “Oh, the old fiery tar pit [crosstalk] that is covered in spikes—”

Travis: [crosstalk] Wait, can we have that? That would be great.

Griffin: No, but like, something within reason, where you can, you know, set this thing up to fight it is what I’m— what i’m hoping for.





Griffin: Mama goes over to the couch with all the maps on it and grabs one of the Monongahela Forest and spreads it out, and she says,





Griffin: And she hands you the marker.















Griffin: She says,





Griffin: She says,



















Griffin: She says,





















Griffin: She says,



Griffin: She looks at the newspaper on her desk. She says,



Griffin: And Mama stands up from the table and she says,



Justin: Duck stands up and he starts walking out of the room.





[end music]