Ep. 19: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Two/Transcript

Episode 19 - Petals to the Metal - Chapter Two

Griffin McElroy: Previously, on The Adventure Zone.

[background music begins playing]



Griffin: And you are- just gobsmacked, by the largest building in town, which is this twenty story tall golden tower, emblazoned with the words ‘Goldcliff Trust’. This building is actually slowly being swallowed up by these gigantic thorny vines.



Griffin: It is a treant. And his name, is Trent. [pause] That’s not a listener, I just thought it would be a fun... joke. [others laughing] And as it turned out-

Justin: [laughing] You were right.

Travis: I chop it in half.

Griffin: It topples backwards, into the booths in the back of the room, and he screams at you very loud with- with sap pouring out of his mouth.

Travis: What- I chopped him in half.

Griffin: And he did take some damage for that.

Travis: [indignant] Yeah, I should hope so!

Griffin: [laughs]



[theme music (Déjà Vu by Mort Garson) plays]

{1:46}

Travis: So when last we left off, I just killed a treant with a single blow!

Griffin: [laughing] No, Trent-

Travis: Chopped him clean in half! Bunyan-esque, they called it!

Clint: Yeahhhh.

Griffin: Trent the treant-

Clint: Then he ate a flapjack, the size of a house!

Travis: [giggling]

Griffin: The… tree did!? Or… Magnus.

Justin: They both did, they shared it.

Travis: Both.

Clint: Yeah they had it-

Travis: And we kissed in the middle.

Clint: That’s a lot to eat.

Justin: They worked it out.

Griffin: Lotta kissing plants this adventure arc. I’m w- I’m kind of surprised. Uh… I mean it had to happen eventually, right? Y-- y--

Justin: Okay, is it my turn yet?

Griffin: Uh, no, it’s Trent the treant's turn. [dice rolling]

Travis: I mean, I get two attacks.

Griffin: Okay, we’ll say, yeah, it is still your turn. You’ve just chopped him over, and he uh… He, he lets you know- ‘Hey. I’m, still here, it’s still me, Trent. And I’m still alive.’

Travis: Now, lemme ask you this: I have a special skill, th-- called Disarming Strike. Can I do that and take his arms? [pause] Probably not, right?

Griffin: What is disarming st- I don’t even know what disarming strike means, I don’t think it means dis-… arm.

Travis: Well it means that when I hit, I use one of my, um- The special dice, the reaction dice, to disarm them. But I guess since he doesn’t have weapons, he’s basically just doing melee, right?

Griffin: Yeah, he’s a tree.

Travis: Okay. Well, then I’m just gonna attack him with a battleaxe-

Griffin: He’s actually got a- He’s actually got a gun.

[all laughing]

Griffin: He’s got a-

Clint: And thus, guns are introduced to our universe.

Griffin: He’s got an AK- A. He’s- He’s got it, and he’s- He looks like he knows how to use it.

Justin: I shout from the Ethereal Plane-



Justin: But nobody can hear me, and I’m just watching this unfold.

Clint: Are you still in that plane?



Griffin: [laughter]

Justin: [continuing to sing softly in the background]

Travis: Alright. I’m rolling to attack him. I’m gonna do, uh-

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: I’m gonna do it one handed- so then I’ve got my shield out. Cuz I don’t wanna get hit for fourteen points of damage.

Griffin: Okay. You- you used your move, um, to get to that fountain. But you can-- you can still access his like, butt from where you just cut him.

Travis: I wanna chop his butt again.

Griffin: Mmkay.

Travis: Uh, I rolled a sixteen, plus seven, so that’s 13. Or- Sorry, 23.

Griffin: [pause] Yeah. [suddenly surprised] PLUS SEVEN, Jeezer Creezer!

Travis: Yeah dude. That’s my attack bonus now.

Griffin: I don’t doubt it, but… Eeah. People be rollin’ some high numbers, now.

Travis: [rolling dice in background]

Griffin: Uh, yeah, you hit him.

Travis: That’s one d8… Four, plus six. So I hit him for ten.

{4:02}

Griffin: Yeah. He did not like that. Uhhh… Is that it for you?

Travis: …I mean I could action surge, and hit him again, but I think… That might be greedy, so I’ll wait.

Griffin: Mkay. Uhh… Okay. So, now Trent the treant, uh, rears up. On his uh, his two broad branches, to sort of lift himself up, and- and get a good look at, uh, the-- the face of the person who just attacked him. Um. And, he… uh, is going to whip at you, with his smaller, um…uh... spikier branch arm. Uh, and he rolls… [dice roll] A 21, versus AC.

Travis: Whoa, woof. Yep. Um, so, I have reaction- or uh, parry. When hit, use reaction dice plus… ‘S’ dice, to reduce damage by… d8 plus dexterity modifier.

Griffin: That was a lot of shit. I don’t-- what--what are ‘S’ dice?

Clint: Maybe it’s pronounced... ‘sssdice’.

Travis: Sdice. Um, so basically that- I have three reactions I can do, before a short rest.

Griffin: So you roll a d8-

Travis: Yeah, okay- [rolls dice] So, it was four… Plus my dexterity modifier, which is two, so… I, reduce the amount of damage I take by 6.

Griffin: Mkay. Did I say how much damage you took yet?

Travis: No, not yet.

Griffin: Okay.

Clint: [stage whisper] He’s gonna add 6 to it.

Travis: Aw, that dick.

Griffin: [laughs] No, that’s not true.

Clint: [laughs]

Griffin: Uh, it was 14… So, minus 6, is… 8.

Travis: Uh-huh.

Griffin: Uhhh… You take 8 poison damage.

Travis: Oh, no!

Griffin: And, we’re back up to the top of the order! Taako, you are in the… Ethereal plane.

Justin: [makes ‘bwvvf’ reappearing sound] Okay, I come back.

Griffin: Can you move in the ethereal plane and then come back?

Justin: Uhhhhhhhhh. Yeah, I mean I can get-

Clint: That’d be pretty cool.

Justin: I’m cool where I’m at, I can- what happens is when I come back- I mean, I can move in the ethereal plane. I automatically come back at the beginning of my turn. When I come back, I can come back to an unoccupied space within ten feet of where I left.

Travis: Man, that’s a good fucking spell.

Justin: Umm, so- How far was I from- how far am I from… he, who was Trent?

Clint: [laughing]

Griffin: [laughs] Um, you’re still about 30- feet- away, uh, from him.

Justin: Okay. That’s-

Griffin: At the like, front door.

Justin: That’s fine by me. Uh, I-

Griffin: Okay.

Justin: I’m going to cast, Scorching Ray. On Trent.

Clint: [sings to the tune of the MBMBaM 'Ira Ray' jingle] Are you scorching Ray?

Griffin: [bursts out laughing]

Justin: Who wants to know. Um...

Travis: You know what’s funny? Dad’s never listened to My Brother My Brother and Me before, he’s just a big Jimmy Ray fan.

Griffin: Yeah, sure. Aren’t we all?

Justin: So, lemme tell you the story here: I’m gonna create three rays of fire, and hurl them at targets within range. Uh, I can do one target or several, obviously I’m just doing the one target. Um, I’m assuming that the whole of Trent is now… not connected to the stump, right? The stump’s just like… Is no longer part of the Trent.

Travis: I set him free.

Griffin: Yeah, it’s just like- It’s like if you were fighting Ta- if you were fighting Magnus, and you cut his foot off… You wouldn’t attack his foot.

Justin: No, that’s true. I don’t- I- Correct. If he was cuttin’- his foot off, I wouldn’t do that. Uh, so I am um… Making a ranged, spell attack for each of the three rays. And then on hit, the target takes 2d6 fire damage.

Griffin: Mkay.

Justin: This will be unpleasant.

Clint: I hope it works.

Justin: The first one is a… a two, plus…

Griffin: That’s gonna miss.

Justin: Tha- I mean, it’s gonna miss, there’s no reason to do that. [dice rolling] That math. Uh, next one is a 20,

Griffin: Yeah, that’s a hit.

Justin: That’s a hit. Um, my spellcasting modifier, is that where we were just talking about the proficiency bonus, plus my…

Griffin: Intellect.

Justin: Intellect, okay.

Griffin: Plus, if you have a- Plus your umbrella is +1 now, so. Seven. I think.

Justin: Okay. [dice rolling]

Griffin: I don’t know what your intellect is actually, so-

Justin: So that’s… 16. So there’s 26 and 16.

Griffin: Uh, the 26 hits, the 16 juuust misses.

Clint: Awww.

Justin: Sheesh, okay. Fiiiive… annd… Six. Eleven.

Griffin: Uh, okay! Wait did you hit him twice? Oh each one does-

Justin: Each one does 2d6.

Griffin: Oh, damn.

Justin: Yeah.

Griffin: Uh, so you go 11 damage- You actually did 22 damage.

Justin: Oh! Fire?

Griffin: Cuz he is vulnerable to that shit.

Justin: Nice. And then I wink out of existence.

Griffin: ...Cool. How long does that Blink go? Until you fail… the roll?

Justin: It goes for a minute?

Griffin: Okay. Well each round of combat is 6 seconds, so.

Justin: Yeah, right. So that’s- I was thinkin’ we probably wouldn’t… Use it all up, but yeah. If we go ten rounds, then just remind me that I can’t do it anymore and need to use it again.

Griffin: Mkay. Uhhhh…

Clint: And where did you go?

Justin: I’m in the ethereal plane.

Clint: Is there anything you can steal in the ethereal plane?

Travis: [overlapping] Which one?

Justin: No, I can’t interact with anything up here.

Clint: [disdainfully] Hm. Well, good.

Griffin: Uhhhh… Next in the order, aaare… the vines!

Clint: Whaaaat?

Griffin: The vines, uh… In front of the fountain, have uh, uh, been drenched in some of the sap, uh, that came out of Trent’s… whole situation. Uh, and have begun to animate. Uh, and, two of them, uh, raise up into the air, almost like uh- uh- uh snakes that’ve been charmed, and they rear back, and they… Strike, at Merle!

Clint: What? Oh, yeah, right. [resigned] Okay.

Griffin: Uh, one of them critically misses. [dice rolling] And the other rolls a 24.

Clint: ...Alright. What do I roll?

Griffin: Nothin’.

Clint: Oh-

Griffin: You- Is your AC higher than 24? Cause if so, your character’s broken. And we need to restart.

Clint: No, I got 18.

Griffin: Okay. Uh, you take… [dice roll] 11 points of damage. Uhh, and you are ‘restrained’. [pause] And I know you’re wondering, what does that mean.

Clint: [cheerfully] Tell me, Griffin.

Travis: It means that you’ve learned how to control yourself, ‘n keep yourself from lashing out at others.

Griffin: [rustling] This appendix leaves much to be desired. Uh, you’re restrained- A restrained creature’s speed becomes zero, and it can’t benefit from any bonus to its speed. Attack rolls against the creature have advantage, and the creature's attack rolls have disadvantage. The creature has disadvantage on dexterity saving throws. So you’re- you’re all tied up, um, in these… In these vines.

Clint: Okay. So, I can’t do… anything?

Griffin: At the end of your turn, you can make a dexterity saving throw. Uh, trying to beat a 10. Uh, but no, for this turn you’re all tied up. You can do stuff, you just can’t move.

Clint: Okay.

{10:39}

Griffin: And if you’re attacked, then the attack has advantage, and if you attack anything, the attack has disadvantage.

Clint: Okay.

Justin: How would he attack something if he can’t move?

Griffin: I dunno, with his- with his- God magic!

Travis: With his braaain.

Justin: Quite a disadvantage. Okay.

Clint: Alright, but before I do anything like that, let me hit you with something else.

Justin: [distantly] No.

Clint: I talk to plants, we’ve already established that early.

Griffin: Yeah.

Clint: Can I just… look, at Trent, and ask him… ‘Why?’ [laughter]

Clint: Can I just, ask him why?

Griffin: I’m furiously flipping through the book trying to find a way. Uh, you can- I mean you can- You have two Channel Divinity’s. So… At level 6, you got a second Channel Divinity, you can bust that one off again.

Clint: Hm.

Justin: I think it would be good… For the podcast, if you would use this spell slot-

Travis: To talk to Trent.

Clint: [overlapping] For something else?

Justin: To talk to Trent. No, for the podcast you should talk to Trent.

Travis: No, Clinton.

Justin: We need to hear from Trent.

Travis: We need to-

Clint: Okay.

Travis: -check in with Trent at this point.

Clint: [laughing] I am going to use… my other Channel Divinity. And I am going t-



Clint: Trent-

Travis: [starts laughing]



Travis: What’s funny is that this is not the character of Trent, Griffin just sat on a porcupine.

Justin: [laughs]



[Justin, Travis choking back laughter]



Justin: [distant laughter]



Justin: [snickering]



Justin and Travis: [giggling]



Travis: This whole time Magnus is just s- I don’t understand any of this, I just hear--

Griffin: [crosstalk] No, you f--

Travis: --a lot of tree sounds coming out of Merle, I hear-

Griffin: Merle is- Merle’s just talking like [makes garbled growly noise] um, yeah. You- you can’t comprehend any of this. Uh, Trent says uh-



Travis: It was good.



Justin: I couldn’t hear it, I’m in the ethereal plane.

Clint: [simultaneously] the ethereal plane, yeah. Okay.

Griffin: And you’re speaking tree.

Clint: Yeah. Uh, [gibberish sounds with a weird cadence]

Travis: Did you just rewind yourself?

Clint: [snorts]



Travis/Justin: [laughs]



Travis: Okay, I attack him.

Clint: That was French. I was talking in French.



Justin: [pause] Dad thinks Plant and French sound the same.

Clint: It did sound exactly alike.

Justin: They’re the same language.

Travis: Okay okay. I am uh, I am attacking him now.

Griffin: Is it your turn?

Travis: I go after Merle, I guess Merle got a-

Clint: Can I keep talking to him to distract him?

Griffin: Yeah you can talk to him, as- [laughing] as Magnus chops him apart.

Travis: I’m gonna chop his butt again.

Justin: I think- I think--



Justin: I think Magnus should get advantage.

Griffin: Yeah. He is- he is distracted, Magnus you have advantage on your attacks.

Travis: Okay. [dice rolling]



Travis: [in background] Okay, well that’s a 16… That’s 23… [dice rolling]



Travis: Uh, yeah so- My first attack I rolled a 23.

Griffin: [in a Southern? accent] It hits.

Travis: [imitating accent] It hits. That’s a d8, plus 6… Uh, so that’s 8… damage.

Griffin: Okay.

Travis: And now I’m going to attack again! I assume I don’t have a surprise advantage now, though.

Griffin: No, he is- he is well aware.

Travis: Well I rolled a 25.

Griffin: Wow.

Travis: Well, it’s hard to miss, when you have a plus 7.

Griffin: That’s true.

Travis: And, I hit him for 7.

Griffin: ‘Kay.

Clint: And I turn, and go-



Griffin: [laughing]



Griffin: Trent- Trent goes-



Clint: [laughing]



Travis: Is he dead yet?



Travis: So like… Is he dead?

Griffin: He’s not dead. But he’s be-- he’s asking- he’s asking, for you to let him go.

Justin: We can’t understand him.

Clint: [resigned] I understood it. What do you- well you’re in the ethereal plane! You wouldn’t understand it anyway!

Justin: Yeah, that’s true. Uhhhhhhhh, uhh… Whose turn is it, Griff?

Griffin: [laughs] It’s uh, Mag- It’s uh, it’s Trent’s turn. He spends his turn pleading and uh, crawling his way towards the front door, uh, leaving a uh, a, uh-

Justin: Sappy.

Griffin: Ghastly trail of sap, behind him.

Clint: Hmm.

Justin: Okay.



Justin: Am I back yet?

Griffin: Uhh… yeah Taako. It’s up to you.



Justin: I raise my hand, and I cast Scorching Ray, and I say-



Travis & Griffin: [laughter]

Justin: 17.

Griffin: Yep.

Justin: [dice rolling] 24.

Griffin: Yeeup.

Justin: [dice rolling] 15.

Griffin: Mmmno.

Justin: Mkay. So, [rolling dice] five, [rolling dice] two, [rolling dice] one, [rolling dice] 5 2 1 5. Five, two-

Travis: Thirteen.

Justin: Thirteen, thirteen- 26.

Griffin: [shocked] Twenty-six?

Justin: Yeah, cuz it’s double, cuz it’s fire.

Griffin: Oh, yeah. Uh… uh, One of the beams, uh, cuts uh, a line, up the wall, uh, behind him, and just goes right through his big arm, uh, which falls to the ground with a thunk-

Clint: [sympathetically] Oh!

Griffin: Uh, and the other ray just hits him right square in the chest, uh, and he… Collapses to the ground, and sort of disintegrates.

Clint: [fake-sobbing] Trent!

Griffin: Uh, and as he does, the two vines that were restraining Merle, uh, release him.



Griffin: You guys would have no idea what Merle is so sad about.



Clint: [laughs]

Griffin: You find Trent’s wallet, on a wallet chain.

Justin: [laughing] So young.

Griffin: He had a wallet chain going into a small… bird’s hole.

Clint: I keep staring at Taako the entire time.

Griffin: Uh, he doesn’t- He does not have a wallet on him, he’s a tree, but uh… you could, uh…

Travis: He does have pockets, and we find his Subway stamp club card.

Justin: I go right- It has no stamps, he was born 30 minutes ago. Uh, can- I- I go over to the booths then, I’ve moved on with my life.

Griffin: Okay. Yeah, there is a- there is a pretty clear gap looking into the booths, where Trent fell. Uh, so you can sort of uh climb over some of the rubble, and access those booths. Um, there are some, uh, registers back here, that have been… uh, picked over, picked clean, um. They’re all open, and… empty. But underneath one of the- the uh, booths, the uh the far booth, uh, underneath, sort of tucked away, is a small… A small black iron lockbox.

Travis: Cool.

Griffin: It’s locked- it’s locked.

Justin: It’s locked, right? I figured it was locked.

Travis: Well, we put it in our bag-

Clint: What’s the size of it? Large, small?

Griffin: Uh, um… Shoebox sized.

Justin: I wish we had some rogues. Why don’t we have rogues.

Travis: We need a rogue. Can we have another brother?

Justin: We need a rogue.

Griffin: Hey dad? Hey dad, can you- hey, Dad?

Travis: Dad?

Justin: Daddy?

Clint: Yeah? Yes?

Griffin: Hey dad, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for a long time- How about a brother or sister? That can play DnD with us? Now listen, it is gonna take ‘em a while- to learn the ropes.

Justin & Travis: [simultaneously] He could adopt.

Justin: Can you adopt Wil Wheaton?

Clint: Aaaactually, you do have… A fourth brother.

Griffin: Wh, whwhwhwhat?

Travis: What?

Griffin: Wait- Why are you telling us this-

Clint: You should’ve asked! You’ve never asked before.

Griffin: Can we end- Can we end the call? And, talk about- This seems like a bad, venue for this.

Clint: No, I- You opened the can of worms-

Justin: This is- this is what the donors paid for.

Clint: Let’s talk about it. His name is Jon Snow,

Justin: [laughs]

Clint: He uh, he has a job in the armed forces-

Travis: Mhm.

Griffin: Oh, I love him! He did that uh, [singing a mangled version of ‘Informer’ by Snow] a licky boom-boom, down.

Justin: No, that’s just Snow. That’s-

Clint: And he’s- he’s kind of- he’s kind of, stationed far away? But um, y’know, he’s always askin’ me if he has any brothers, uh, and I didn’t acknowledge cuz he’s a real bastard. So I haven’t really said anything before, but- maybe we can get him on the phone after the show.

Travis: Hey dad, just real quick- uh, how proud of yourself were you for that joke?

Justin: [giggling]

Clint: Uh, pretty proud!

Travis: [loud laughing]

Clint: I’ve been saving this since episode two. [laughs]

Griffin: And a second question, follow-up question: Dad, did you get my Informer by Snow joke.

Justin: [laughs] No way.

Clint: No, huh-uh.

Griffin: [imitating Snow] A licky boom-boom, downnnn.

Justin: Now he gets it.

Clint: Why did you licky my boom boom down? I don’t understand.

Griffin: [exhausted inhale] And, I’m dead.

Clint: [laughter]

{23:10-28:25}

[music plays]

Griffin: Hey everyone, this is Griffin McElroy, your dungeon master, your best friend, your life... colleague. Thank you all so much for listening to The Adventure Zone episode 19, the second part of our newest story arc. Uh, it’s- it’s good to have you here! I hope you’re havin’ a good Thursday. I wanna take a break from the show real quick to tell you about some of our sponsors this week, like, for instance, One Month!

One Month is an online service that teaches you how to code, and all kinds of online tech skills that you’re gonna need to survive, in the upcoming techno-pocalypse. One Month students learn to code by building real websites and apps, growth hacking their businesses and websites, and building payment systems and security solutions. One Month’s courses are the easiest way to learn these new tech skills. Uh, it’s called One Month and it’s 15 minutes a day, for 30 days. That’s nothing! Everyone has 15 minutes to kill, every day, for a month, at least. You can enroll now at onemonth.com/adventurezone. Enrollment is typically 99 bucks but if you join now, you will receive your first month, with One Month- your first One Month period- for 25 percent off! That’s a crazy, g- deal. And then maybe, you could develop… The new… Adventure Zone website. Maybe you create the sequel to One Month! Called Two Months! The- the possibilities are endless. Again, go to onemonth.com/adventurezone and save 25 percent.

I have two personal messages here, you can get a personal message on the show by going to maximumfun.org/jumbotron and telling them that you want to purchase a spot on The Adventure Zone. This first one is for Maxine Franke and it’s from Beth and Jordan. Beth and Jordan say to Maxine, “Happy Birthday to the greatest sister, video game consultant, weird porn connoisseur and voice twin. Hope you have a great dirty 30 birthday, and I hope this message from your favorite McElroys brightens your day like Taako the wizard brightens our lives.” Uh, they asked for this around July 4th, which is her birthday- And what a great birthday to have, you get drunk, you eat hot dogs, you watch ID4, and then you get drunk again, but this time for your birthday! I think that sounds like the best day ever, Maxine I hope it was real special.

Here’s our second message, it’s for Julia and it’s from Tom. Tom says to Julia, “Happy one year anniversary, my love. You mean the world to me and I love you so much. I can’t wait for what the next year will bring with you. Here’s to a lifetime of wonderful memories.” There is nothing toooo, make fun of. In that message. Nothing to goof about, it’s just so sweet, that I started to get a little bit faint? So I’m going to drink some of this goji berry juice, and reconstitute myself… And I’m back. Uh, congratulations to Julia and Tom, it sounds like you both found some… Some love, in a hopeless place. Or maybe a hopeful place, I don’t- I don’t know where you live. Congratulations, though, for real.

Thank you all so much for listening to and sharing the show, again if you tweet about the show using the “#thezonecast” hashtag, you might end up as a character on the show! Like Captain Captain Bane, from this last episode. We’ll be introducing a few more characters during this story arc, so get those tweets in now and you might end up, as one of them.

Also if you can, please share the show with any friends you might have, that you think would be into this nerdy-ass shit. Um, we don’t pay for marketing at all, we rely entirely on word of mouth, and you all have been so so great to us so far. But if you could help us, uh, get- get out there just a little bit more by sharing the show with your friends, leaving a review on iTunes that really helps too, we sure would appreciate it.

If you’re enjoying The Adventure Zone you may wanna check out some of the other shows on the Maximum Fun network! There’s a lot of really great really free shows on there, like Destination DIY, Judge John Hodgman, Stop Podcasting Yourself, Throwing Shade, and so so many others! We all do other shows on the network too, like Sawbones, Justin’s medical history show that he does with his wife Sydney, uh, Bunker Buddies a show that Travis does with his buddy Andy, and the three McElroy sons do my My Brother My Brother And Me. Uh, our OG podcast product. There’s a loooot of stuff on there and it’s all free so go check it out at maximumfun.org.

That’s it for the… commercial part of this episode, I don’t have anything left to say, except that… I sure do appreciate ya, I’m excited to keep doing this story arc, it’s gonna go to some places, that I’m… I’m pretty excited about, and yeah thank you all so much for listening! This podcast has been such a great experience and it’s sort of gone beyond our wildest expectations, so, um… Thank you all so much, and enjoy the rest of the episode! Next one’s going up on, um, let me do the math… July 30th? [laughing] Is there a July 30th? Yes, there is. July’s not one of those months that peters out at 28. Next episode’s gonna be up July 30th, I am… a dummo.

{28:15}

[music plays]

Travis: So we pocket the… the lockbox. Cause none of us know how to open it.

Griffin: Uh, you-

Justin: No wait, that sucks, is there a spell- it seems like there should be like… Lock opening spells.

Griffin: Uh… I mean you could just-

Justin: Doesn’t it seem like there should be- I- I don’t have any, but.

Griffin: You could throw it really hard at the floor?

Travis: I just kinda hammer on it with my fist for a while?

Griffin: I- I’ve never seen- Listen. We- We been playing-

Travis: Oh it turns out Steven’s a rogue! The goldfish picks the lock.

Griffin: [laughs] We’ve been playing-- We’ve been playing D&D for like seven months now. And I have never heard the three of you give up on something as quickly as you gave up on that lockbox. [imitating them] A lockbox? It’s locked? Welp! I guess- I guess we’ll never know!

Clint: We’re thinkin’ ahead too much!

Griffin: You might not be alive to open up that lock box! You could die in the next encounter!

Travis: Okay, I open it. I think my way through it.

Griffin: Telekinetically open the box?

Justin: No, no, he uses his wits.

Travis: Yeah.

Clint: Actually, he uses his forehead.

Justin: That’s right- should there- there should be like a… Should be a- Can he use a dexterity check? [giggles]

Griffin: To- ge-

Clint: [interjecting] To pick the lock!

Griffin: Okay, yes, use a dexterity check.

Travis: I- I rolled- uh, well four plus two… So six.

Griffin: Okay. With your dexterity check, you throw the box into the air, and try to dodge it as it falls.

Clint: [laughter]

Griffin: And with a six, you failed.

Travis: Okay, let me try strength check.

Griffin: [exasperated laugh] Okay.

Travis: That’s an 11, plus four. Fifteen.

Griffin: Mmkay. You lift that box up, and you lift it- really, high, and you lifted it really fast.

Travis: [talking over Griffin] Okay, let me try constitution.

Griffin: -super, super big muscles. Okay!

Travis: [already rolling dice] Uh, that’s.. sixteen plus two… Eighteen.

Griffin: Okay. You, and the box, both drink poison!

Justin: [laughing]

Griffin: And you survive, but the box has died.

Clint: That means it’s open, right?

Griffin: [flatly] Yes. With that, the box pops open. It has 900 gold pieces inside.

Clint: Yeeaah!



[pause]



Clint: [talking over him] I keep staring at- at Taako.



Clint: I don’t blink-!



Griffin: [laughing]

Clint: I keep staring at Taako.



Travis: I put the money in the bag for safe keeping,

Clint: [overlapping] I’m staring,



Griffin: [still laughing]



Griffin: [laughing harder]



Griffin: [interjecting] Oh my god, did you buy the Pocket Spa so you could have a secret handheld place to stea- put your stolen loot!?

Justin: [stammering] I- You don’t know- You don’t know me.

Clint: We’ve been in your spa! We were in the spa last week!

Justin: What- uhhh… Yeah, you’ve been in it. You guys have. But Griffin hasn’t.



All: [laughter]

Justin: I’m writing it on my goddamn character sheet. So I never forget to rat you two out.



[snorting]

Travis: Okay, we’re gonna head to the left.

Griffin: So you’re saying you’re gonna get back to the- to Moonbase Alpha, and you’re gonna go- “What’s in my bag? Why is it so hea- OH shit, guys-!”

Justin: [laughs]

Griffin: “We forgot.”

Justin: I- You can’t plan on it, just has to happen.

Travis: Yeah.

[pause]

Griffin: ...This is starting to sound a little premeditated.

Justin: No, it’s not!

Travis: No!

Griffin: [doubtful] Okay…

Griffin: Um… Alongside this lockbox you also find-

Travis: A note that says, ‘This money is for whoever finds it!’

Clint: [laughing]

Griffin: It says ‘Do not steal, for kid medicine.’

All: [laugh]

Griffin: Uhm, you find an odd-looking… Square key.

Clint: [immediately] I steal it.

Griffin: With the Gold- Oh! It’s gone. Whoop! Poof.

All: [giggling]

Griffin: Uh, with the uh, Goldcliff Trust insignia on it.

Justin: Aw man, was that the key to the lockbox? [laughs]

Griffin: [tense pause] No.

Justin: Okay, good.

Clint: Phew!

Travis: Okay, we head towards the door… On the left, that we saw earlier. With the tracks and stuff.

Griffin: There are… two doors! On the left. And I will describe them… Right now.

[pause]

Griffin: One of them has a sign over it that says stairs.

[assorted laughter]

Griffin: And the [laughs] and the other one, uhh-

Travis: It’s like I’m there!

Griffin: [laughing] The other one, uh, does not have a sign over it that says stairs, it is a, uh, much sturdier, uh, metal door, uh, with a part in it, and there is a, uh, small panel, to the left of this metal door, uh, with a button on it and a slot.

Justin: I uh, take the key that we got and I try it in that slot.

Griffin: Uh, you put it in- uh, and the button lights up.

Justin: And I walk away.

Travis: I- I press the button.

Griffin: Adventure over. You press the button, uh, you hear a ‘bing-bong!’ That’s right motherfuckers, another elevatorrrr!

Clint: [laughing]

Griffin: Does everyone get that I have an elevator fetish at this point? It’s just like, what’s not to like about them. Uh, and uh, the door… opens up!

Clint: Doo doo, doo doo… [humming “The Girl from Ipanema”]

Griffin: This is a -- it opens up to reveal, a… Glass elevator. Uh, Wonkavator.

[Clint continues humming]

Travis: A Wonkavator! If you will.

Griffin: Well, if you will. But we won’t, ‘cause it’s not that. It’s just a glass elevator with a glass, uh, bottom, glass walls, the uh- the top of the elevator car is a, uh, a sturdier metal, with some, uh, lights built into it. And the exterior of the elevator shaft is also glass, so you can sort of, uh, look out over the city of Goldcliff, or you would if the building had not been sort of surrounded by these vines. Um. So there’s little shafts of light poking in? Uh, but uh, otherwise it’s mostly just sort of vines that you can see through the... through the elevator, uh, wall.

Travis: Now if I remember from the last episode, Griffin, you said it was a 20 story building? Is that correct?

Griffin: That’s right, and, uhh and, uh, you-

Justin: God it’s been two weeks, how do you remember that?

Clint: Look who’s writin’ shit down!

Travis: That’s all m- in my dome piece, y’all.

Griffin: [laughs] Um, uh, and there are in fact 20 buttons. On the, uh, panel in the interior of the elevator. Uhhh, they go from 1 to 19, and then, the, uh, at the very top, of the row of buttons, is, ah, the letter V.



Travis: I hit all the buttons.

Justin: Ugh.

Griffin: Okay, so you’re going in the elevator?



Griffin: Okay.

Travis: Now everyone call in your votes. Press 1, if you want Magnus to get there first. Press 2, if you want Taako to get there first. Press 3, if you want Merle to take a nap.

Griffin: Okay. Uh, so, you- Taako, you are taking the stairs,



Griffin: You’re racing up, maybe it’s a- like a, calorie conscious decision?



Griffin: Okay! Uh, so, uh, y- you deliver that, touching, heartfelt monologue, uh, to Merle and Magnus, uh, as the elevator door shuts and you start your long trek up the stairs.



Justin: [interrupting] We’re goin’ to the- we’re going, um… Mer- ‘Member, I had a cooking show?

Griffin: [simultaneously] He had a cooking show.

Clint: [gasps] Ohhhhh.

Griffin: That was in the- Oh, Dad, that was in the bonus episode? Uh, maybe you didn’t listen to it because you don’t support our-

Clint: Oh I don’t get a chance to hear any of ‘em.

Griffin: Sure.

Clint: I don’t subscribe to this. [laughing]

Griffin: Also you’ve got a Zune, and I don’t think those do podcasts.

Griffin & Justin: Uh-

Travis: [laughs]

Justin: Wait, we’re just going to the- we’re going to the second floor, is what we agreed on. Right?

Travis: Yes.

Justin: Okay, so-

Clint: [loudly imitates snoring]

Justin: I just go up one flight of stairs.

Clint: [still snoring]

Griffin: Okay. You go up one flight of stairs to the second floor. And the elevator door opens and there they are and you’re on the second floor. And that was- boy, that was boring.



Justin: [laughs]



Griffin: But that’s not your armor, that’s just like something you do while falling down the stairs.

Travis: Oh, I give him the Stone of Farspeech!

Justin: Oh, yeahyeahyeah.

Clint: Oh, good thinking. Alright, an’ I got my insight earring on too, y’know.

Griffin: So… what is that, you’re gonna- What is that.

Clint: Nah, it just gives me more insight.

Travis: He just looks really good.

Clint: I could put the scuttle buddy in with you guys!

Griffin: Actually, Dad, I’ve- been looking for the right time to tell you this…

Justin: [giggling]

Clint: [sadly] What?

Griffin: Your scuttle- Your scuttle buddy was on the train that got destroyed.

Clint: SHIT!

Griffin: He did forget to get the sc--

Travis: No, he gets three uses out of it!

Griffin: ...NOT IF IT’S DESTROYED!

Justin: [simultaneously] NOT IF IT’S ON THE TRAIN!

Clint: [laughing]

Griffin: It-! You can’t use it once and throw it in a volcano and go ‘here comes number two and three!’

Travis: Oh, is this- Griffin, is this gonna be one of those moments, where like, two episodes from now it’s gonna be like… ‘You hear a slight scuttling out of the garden!’

Griffin: No, this is one of those moments where you learn to take care of your shit!

[laughing]

Griffin: Where you learn to be cautious with your- possessions!

Travis: I hug Steven even closer.

Clint: Well, thank you once again-

Griffin: [bursts out laughing]

Clint: Thank you Griffin, for teaching me an- an important lesson.

Griffin: Yeah! Yeah.

Clint: The son has become the father.

Griffin: Now you’re gonna think, before you leave your LEGOs lying out-!

Clint: I know.

Griffin: What are you gonna do?

Justin: New dad, could you push the narrative forward, ah-puh-leeze?

Travis: [giggles]

Griffin: Yeah, so um, Merle you’re- you, hop out of the elevator at the second floor, uh, and uh begin your trek up the stairs, and uh… Taako and Magnus, the door shuts to the elevator, and your, ah, elevator adventure… begins.

Justin: [giggling]

Griffin: Uhmm… You uh, you’re moving up, getting a satisfying ding! with each floor that passes… It would be satisfying if you had an elevator fetish. Which, I know not everybody has. [inhale] Umm… aaand, at… Floor number… 11. Or should I say, between floors 11 and 12-- Is somebody clipping their nails.

Justin: No.

Travis: What?

Justin: I don’t know what that was. Did it sound- wait, did it sound like somebody throwing a chain dice bag up in the air and catching it?

Clint: A little.

Griffin: Yes.

Justin: Okay, that mighta been me.

Griffin: [inhale] Uhh, between floor 11 and 12, the elevator suddenly stops. And then, a few seconds later, the lights above you blink off.

Travis: Cool cool.

Griffin: And, the vines outside of the exterior glass wall of this elevator shaft, uh, begin to… move. They begin to, uh, uh, move in a circular pattern around the building almost like they’re constricting. Um. And, they... shatter through the exterior glass wall of this elevator shaft, um… and begin to sort of close around the glass walls of the elevator car. And, below, you see a flurry of activity, as you see the vines have broken in through the first floor, and are almost like filling up the elevator shaft like water. They’re just growing wildly. It looks like a, looks like a- a- a pit of snakes is just sort of being poured into this shaft. Uhm, and that… is the situation for you. Merle-

Travis: [laughs] Still walkin’ up the stairs.

Griffin: Merle-



Griffin: Um, so you started on floor 2. Why don’t you make a Constitution, throw, and we’ll see how… How, how- how quickly you’re going to be able to scale these- these steps.

Clint: Alright.

[pause]

Clint: 20.

Griffin: ...You rolled a 20! Okay, you are-

Clint: Actually, plus 2 Constitution, that’s 22.

Griffin: Alright, you’re super sturdy! You- you are, moving up these stairs in a sprightly manner.

Clint: [singing] Gonna fly now…!

Griffin: Every, every, you’re skipping every...

Clint: [making speedy sounds]

Griffin: -Two steps! You just sort of… Yeah. You’re zooming up them.



Griffin: You’ve made it to, uh, [laughs] the 6th floor, and you’re yelling things at every step apparently,



Griffin: Havin’ a great time, uh, and, you are, basically unaccosted!

Clint: [victorious laugh]

Travis: [laughs] Just havin’ a good old time!



Griffin: Switchin’- switchin’ the action back to, uh, Taako and Magnus, uh, you are… You are in a heap of trouble.

Travis: So we’re between floors, it’s not something where we can get… out. [pause] Is there like, is there like one of those roof access panels, like you see in movies?

Griffin: There is- there is a panel above. Uh, leading up to the top of the elevator car.

Justin: Uh-... Can it- [stammering] O- okay, uh… Mmmn- Uh…



Clint & Griffin: [laughs]



Travis: Can I- Can I reach it, Ditto?

Griffin: Uh… Yeah!

Travis: Yeah, I’m gonna Phantom Fist it.

Griffin: [overlapping] It’s a- it’s about at the end of your wingspan, reaching up.

Travis: Okay, I wanna fist it.

Clint: Yeah, please don’t say fist it.



Griffin: You Phantom Fist it, and the hatch just pops- right off, and goes flying into the air, it’s just a hatch! You can lift it up with your hands! Why are you Phantom Fisting everything!

Travis: I must destroy!

Griffin: You Phantom Fist it and the- you hear the panel go ‘oh shiiiiiiiiiiit!’ [trailing off]

Justin: [laughs] Uh-

Clint: None of us speak panel.

Justin: How far up are we?

Griffin: Uhh, I mean you’re-

Justin: Like how far is there up, uh, above us? I guess we got like, what, a hundred feet?

Griffin: Uhh, yeah thereabouts.

Travis: Okay, I wanna lift- I wanna lift Taako out the panel.



Justin: I cast- are you guys ready for this?

Griffin: I am so ready.

Justin: [carnival barker voice] Rrrrrope Trick!

Clint: [laughter] [imitates like, a carnival rope lasso sound?] Wee-oorww!

Justin: So here’s what Rope Trick does. I take my rope, that I have, in my bag-

Travis: And he lassos the vines.

Justin: No. It’s up to 60 feet long-

Griffin: [overlapping] Kay.

Justin: -and on the other end of the rope, it ties to something in another dimension, and we can crawl up the rope-- It goes to its full height, of 60 feet, and we can crawl up the rope… Into another dimension.

Clint: [gasps]

Justin: Are you ready… to go into another dimension with me.

Travis: YES!? So ready!

Griffin: You’re gonna climb- [laughs] you’re gonna climb up the 60 feet of rope?

Justin: Uh- Well we’re gonna climb- We’re gonna start, because that way we won’t die, and we’re gonna start goin’ until we can find, uhh, a way to get out! An egress, if you will.

Griffin: [pauses] Mkay.

Justin: I feel confident we’re gonna find one.

Griffin: Explain this to me one more time, you- you have created a hole 60 feet above you? Into-

Justin: There is- A hole 60 feet above us that a rope is now extending into. Okay? So we’re gonna start climbing.

Griffin: Okay. Alright, go for it. Is there a climbing check? I don’t have a character sheet in front of me, so.

Travis: I assume that’s Strength, Agility, Acrobatics… Athletics.

Griffin: Ath- Athletics, maybe?

Travis: Yeah, I think- I think climbing is Athletics.

Griffin: Does the rope retract and bring you up? I’m just trying to figure out if-

Clint: No, you still have to climb it!

Travis: Athletics is Strength. Um, no, we already knew that. So, Athletics, um… is, [reading from handbook] difficult situations you encounter while climbing, jumping or swimming.

Griffin: Mmkay, so, you’re making an Athletics check.

Justin: Yeah. [pause] [reading] While climbing or swimming each foot of movement costs one extra foot. Uhhh,

Griffin: Well, we’re not in combat though.

Travis: Well- I think that- I think that the an-

Justin: That’s the only thing it says about- I mean, I’m reading under the section special types of movement. Climbing, swimming and crawling.

Travis: [overlapping] And I think that-

Griffin: [simultaneously] No, I’m just gonna give this a difficulty rating, and then you guys- make the check, and then if it passes the difficulty rating then you… Do it.

Travis: Oh okay.

Griffin: Uhh… Okay! So we’ll say you have to beat a… 10 is like medium and 15 is hard but we’ll split the difference, ‘cause 60 feet is a loooong way to climb.

Justin: We don’t have to climb the entire thing. That’s not what I’m- what I’m thinking. Uh, lemme uhhh...

Travis: We need to get up to the 11th floor and open those doors.

Justin: That- that’s it. That’s all we- Or, or we have… Or we need to have- I’m talking- I’m gonna n-- We need to talk in character. Um-



Griffin: [laughing]



Clint: [still through hands] Time to add some special effects to the show!



[snickering]

Griffin: This is golden. You- you’re hatin’.



Griffin: Alright. You, cast Rope Trick- Do you get to choose the dimension that it ties off into?

Justin: Umm, it actually- hold on one second, let me tell ya.

Clint: Listen, you been spending a lot of time in other dimensions, aren’t you worried about sperm count?

Griffin & Travis: [laughter]



Justin: [reading] It rises in the air, at the end of the rope an invisible entrance opens to an extradimensional space… That lasts until the spell ends.

Travis: So it’s a space you create.

Clint: It’s just like a cubbyhole.

Justin: Yeah. So it’s just- And I, we can actually crawl into that and hide? And chill? Uh, but that seems… Like we’re not gonna climb 60 feet. That seems crazy. So…

Travis: No. Who are we, y’know?

Clint: [unintelligible agreement] -after a minute.

Justin: Yeah. Right.

Griffin: Okay. Uh, so a rope, uh, out of thin air falls in through the hatch, in the uh, in the uh, in the elevator, uh… And uh, you look up, and sure enough, there is a… Just sort of black hole, uh, sixty feet above you. Around floor 17 or so. Uh, and uh, yeah! It has, lowered itself into your elevator car.

Travis: So, we start climbing for floor 12. Or 11.

Griffin: Well you’re between 11 and 12, so you’d be climbing towards 12.

Clint: 12.

Justin: Yeah. Climbing towards 12.

Griffin: Mkay. Uh, let’s take a break, hop back to Merle, Merle you’ll make another Constitution saving throw, see uh, see how quick you’re moving up?

Clint: Uh, 11, plus… Uhm, 3, right? And that’s… 14.

Griffin: Okay. Uh, you’re a little bit more winded, now. You’re not movin’ quite as… Uh, fast, you’ve-

Clint: Got it.

Griffin: -you’ve, made it to uhh, you’ve made it to floor number 9.

Clint: Aw, come on. Alright. Welp! Can’t I-

Griffin: And uh…

Clint: Do I get a turn, or-? We’re not in combat, are we.

Griffin: No, we’re not in combat. Um-

Travis: Keep running!

Griffin: I’m just doing a sort of ‘24’-esque splitscreen. Uh, back to Merle, and uh, back to Magnus and Taako- um, the rope’s in your car. And the ball’s in your court.

Justin: Okay I- uh, I start climbing up towards floor 12. I’ll make an Athletics check… [dice rolling] Ffffour plus… uhhhhhhh… Zero. Four!

Griffin: [pauses] ...You don’t do very good.

Justin: No I try, and just like, fall right off.

Clint: [laughs]

Travis: Okay, let me try-



Travis: Let me try. [dice rolling] Uh, that is a 13, plus 7. A twenty!

Griffin: Okay! Uh-



Griffin: -yeah, you get up uh, you go up on the rope and uh, you- you move up, uh, just the- the few feet up to, uh, the 12th floor- You think maybe if you’d just stood on top of the car you might have had access to the 12th floor door, but.

Travis: But then we wouldn’t have gotten a [imitates Taako] Rope Trick!



Griffin: That is true! Rope Trick is pretty great! Uh…

Travis: I reach down and grab Taako’s arm.

Griffin: Okay, you reach down and grab Taako’s arm, and as you do, the vines that’ve entered in through the exterior wall of the building grab onto the elevator and pull on it so hard,

Clint: Oh! Oh my gosh!

Griffin: -and it collapses and falls and Taako just sort of, moves through the hatch as the elevator falls around him. And all of a sudden you are supporting Taako’s full weight, and I’m gonna need you to make a strength check.

Travis: That is 15, plus 4, 19.

Griffin: Mmkay, you are holding on to Taako. Uh, with one hand on the rope, one hand on Taako, at the 12th floor door, uh, and we’re gonna move back to Merle, Merle make a Constitution throw.

Clint: May I just say… Good, vivid storytelling.

Griffin: Yes!

Clint: Good storytelling.

Griffin: Thank you.

Justin: [in Taako’s voice] An’ nothing makes a story better than someone saying in the middle of it that it’s good.

Travis: [mocking] ‘This is good so far.’

Griffin: Call me- Call me Ishmael! This book is gonna kick ass!

All: [laughter]

Clint: Jay Gatsby collapsed the elevator! I rolled a 16-

Griffin: [overlapping] As God is my witness, this has been a fucking dope ass movie!

Justin & Clint: [laughter]

Clint: Attention, movie studios!

Griffin: This is the start of a beautiful friendship! And the end of a fucking kickass flick!

Clint: 16, wise-ass, 16!

Griffin: Thanks, moviegoers, hope you liked it! For Casanova, it’s me! A famous guy! Bye!

Justin & Travis: [laughing]

Justin: [deep voice] Luuuuke! I am your father! Can you believe that shit or what!? Did you see that coming? Fuuuuuuck.

All: [still laughing]

Clint: [deadpan] 16.

Griffin: Uh, 16 okay. You have made it, up to the 12th floor and as you kick open the stair-



Griffin: -access, there are some vines, uh-



Griffin: There are some vines that-



Griffin: Oh I sh- didn’t know if you were talking to me, or, t- to- Magnus.



Griffin: There’s-



Justin: That doesn’t sound any better-



Griffin: [laughs] Uh, as you uh, reach the 12th floor, and kick open the stair access, uh, and enter in, uh, this floor has just started to be overtaken by these vines. They’re coming in actually from the other side of the building than the elevator shaft is on, and just sort of swarming into the room from the windows. Filling it up, like, really really really quickly, it’s almost like a uh, a tidal wave of vines has started to pour into, uh, this floor and they’re moving at you very very very quickly.

Clint: Alright. I use my crowbar!

Griffin: Do you actually have that?

Travis: Yes! There is a crowbar in the Adventurer’s kit.

Clint: Justin-?

Griffin: Okay!

Clint: [cheering] Crowbar!

Justin: Yes, he’s got a crowbar.

Griffin: Fuckin’ A, go for it Gordon Freeman.

Clint: I call him Chris.

Griffin: Chris the crowbar. Let ‘er fly.

Clint: Chris the crowbar! [forcefully] I put it into the elevator doors, and I… pry the doors open!

Griffin: Mkay. You pry the doors open, with your-

Clint: [interrupting] But I do it at the last possible second, so I can-! [sheepishly] ...Be a vivid, story-teller… too.

Griffin: Oh-kay!

Justin: Can we actually- Can Dad name the crowbar after a listener. Do you have a listener name handy that we could just p- we could use real quick?

Griffin: Let me open up Twitter, I’m- let’s just go with the top name. The last person that tweeted about TheZoneCast.

Justin: Okay.

Clint: I take… Emmanuel the crowbar, and I jam him into the doors of the elevator. And with all of my mighty, dwarven… might-,

Travis: Mm-hm, good-

Clint: I pry open the elevator doors, Emmanuel straining in my hands-! That sounds so nasty.

Travis: Doesn’t Emmanuel have a face like the flute, in uh, H.R. Pufnstuf?

Clint: Yeah, it’s just like, he’s goin’- [high pitched] ‘Hey, be careful what you’re usin’ me for!’ And I pry open the doors, at the very last second.

Griffin: At the very last second, okay. You-

Clint: No, wait!

Griffin: [continuing] -pry the doors open,

Clint: No no, no no, no no!

Griffin: -to the elevator,

Clint: Not at the very last second!

Griffin: -and a wave of vines crashes into you from behind, knocking you forward into the elevator shaft. And the doors slam-

Clint: [desperate] Five minutes-! Five minutes before.

Griffin: -behind you. [satisfied] You didn’t get there five minutes before, so you- So you have fallen into the elevator shaft, make a reflex saving throw to see if you can grab onto your party.

Clint: At the last… 30 seconds.

Griffin: [laughs] So make a Dexterity saving throw.

Clint: My Dexterity- aw, geez. 12 plus 0.

Griffin: Okay! 12, yeah, that’s enough for you to grab on to Taako’s… ankle.

Travis: Oh shit!

Griffin: As you fall into the elevator shaft, and the doors, uh, slam behind you, and [laughs] Emmanuel the crowbar goes plummeting to its viney death, at the bottom of the elevator shaft. Thanks for listening, Emmanuel!

Travis: Griffin, you realize that crowbars are made out of metal. Like it doesn’t fall and die.

Griffin: Well actually, you hear him go ‘I’m gonna dieeee!’ as he falls, um, and so the three of you are now hanging- so this scene was really great, um-

Clint: This looks like the Goonies.

Griffin: It is very Goonies-esque, uh, Magnus you wanna make one more strength throw now that you’re holding up the weight of two people?

Travis: God damn it. Yep. [dice rolling]

Clint & Justin: [laughing]

Travis: Okay. That’s an 11… plus- 15.

Griffin: 15! Uh, yeah, that’s enough. You are still holding onto this rope that is tied in a dimension that none of you know about-



Griffin: -while vi-- Well, they’re below it, um, you’ve got it sort of by the edge of it, and um.

Travis: Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now!?

Griffin: I dunno. Find out, next time on- The Adventure Zone!

Clint: [laughing]

[theme begins to play]

Griffin: You like that shit? That’s audience retention!

[outro theme plays]